


Wayward

by Speary



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Destiel - Freeform, Multi, Season/Series 11 Speculation, Wayward Daughters, s10x23 coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:19:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 95,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3989692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speary/pseuds/Speary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The darkness has blanketed the earth and all the world is plagued by Chaos. Dean and Sam have been handed a very unconscious Cas who may or may not wake up a monster. Meanwhile, Claire, Jody, and Alex are just settling into life together when the darkness rolls into their lives as well. Each group is fighting to just survive and to comprehend what can be done to save the world and each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The roll of darkness over the Impala came with a roar and the piercing screams of both the brothers and something else other worldly. Time became something immeasurable and the two of them felt the pressure of it surrounding them. They could see nothing except what was now pressing out from their imaginations. The darkness was stirring the old memories. Dean's mind was awash with images of Hell and torture, both his and other's. His blood soaked hands doling out pain and misery to anyone in his path. He curled in on himself, pressing his hands to his head. He could hear Sam at his side, screaming out into the dark.

The darkness thinned. It did not become light, but they could at least see each other. The pressure lessened. The images faded. Dean could see Sam at his side, arms wrapped around his head in a protective gesture. He was rocking forward and backward in a steady pattern. His mouth was muttering something. Dean leaned toward him. He caught the wisps of Latin. It seemed like he was reciting an exorcism. Dean could not be sure. He reached out to him. Sam shot toward the car door, knocking his elbow into it with a yelp. The Impala had been thrown about in the storm of darkness. It had been enough to knock it out of the ditch. Dean eased his foot down onto the accelerator, and the car moved forward.

Somehow they were on the road, the darkness passing over them in a rush of foreboding. Something more would come of it; that was for certain. For now, though, there was just the lingering fear that it left behind in its wake. The dreams of past horrors long since compartmentalized into safe places were now awake again. They drove on in silence, each too focused on their own nightmares to speak.

The road stretched out dark and long. There were miles behind them now, and a few more ahead of them too. They crossed into Kansas, still too silent. Neither one of them quite ready to talk about all of the things that still needed to be said. Occasionally, Sam would glance at Dean and then Dean would look back. They fiddled with their hemlines and drummed out nervous patterns on the steering wheel and the seat between them. A few miles into Kansas, and Dean felt his pocket sending up a furious buzzing.

Dean pulled the phone out and looked at the name on the screen. He passed it over to Sam and broke their silence with, "It's Crowley. Answer it for me."

Sam held the phone for a second as it continued to buzz in his hand. "I don't think that I should. I tried to kill him a few days ago. Might be better if you took this one." Sam pushed the button to answer it and passed it back to Dean.

Dean just gave him an awkward glare and snapped the phone to his ear. "You'll have to explain that one later." He tossed off at Sam and then to Crowley he said, "Crowley?"

"Where are you?" Crowley went right to the point, which was somewhat unlike him. Dean had half expected a few lines of snark and wit to bridge the gap to serious talk.

"We're back in Kansas. Why?"

"Are you back at the bunker?" Crowley sounded irritated.

"No, we are on the road." Dean wasn't sure he wanted Crowley knowing just where they were, especially given Sam's recent actions where the King of Hell was concerned.

"I have something of yours that needs returning. Where are you exactly? Tell me the road and maybe a crossroad." There was a sound of shuffling coming over the line and a grunt of sorts from Crowley.

"Not sure you should come to us. Sam's here. Heard about your little interaction." Dean glanced over at Sam.

"I don't have time for Sam right now. Bigger fish, Dean. My mother has gotten juiced up and is in possession of the  _Book of the Damned_. Now, tell me where you are, or I'll just leave Cas here."

"What is wrong with Cas?" Dean's words a fast spat sound like a curse.

"Mother threw a curse at him. Tried to sic him on me. I had to shut him down, bind him, so to speak. He's not quite conscious."

"What do you mean by not quite conscious? Is he okay?" Dean felt more worried with each mile.

"I think he'll be fine. Now, where are you?"

Dean slowed the car and looked for a mile marker in the dark. He rattled off the number and road name. He was looking for a place to pull over when suddenly Crowley showed up in the middle of the road with Cas in his arms. Dean slammed on the brakes and came to a stop just inches from them both. "Son of a bitch." The two of them glowed in the light of the headlights. Sam gripped the dashboard in front of him and glanced back and forth between Dean and Crowley.

Cas' arms hung down loosely as if he were dead. The coat was bloody in parts. Dean threw open the car door and looked back at Sam. "I'm staying in here." Sam slid over to the driver's seat.

"You'll be driving," Dean agreed. He got out and let the door slam shut behind him. He stalked over to Crowley and asked, "Is he okay?" He had asked before, but Cas really didn't look good. Crowley didn't look much better.

"Maybe. I had to bind him to keep him from killing yours truly. I believe that I undid the spellwork, but we won't know for certain until the binding wears off. You may want to hold him in a circle of holy oil until you know for sure." Crowley passed Cas off to Dean's arms. They walked to the Impala and Crowley opened the door so that Dean could lower Cas into the back seat. Having done that Dean stood back up and leveled his gaze on Crowley.

"Should I be concerned about you?" He closed the door on his brother and Cas, taking two steps away as he asked the question.

"No, you have other issues to deal with. You rid yourself of the mark, but now we have this darkness." Crowley waved his hands above his head. "Looks like Chaos will reign supreme. I, myself, plan to seek out Rowena, deal with her. You boys need to figure out how you are going to fix this." Crowley took a step away from Dean with a smirk. "Stay in touch." With that he vanished.

Dean opened the door again and slid in next to where Cas' head was resting on the seat. He pulled his head up onto his lap. "Drive on, Sam." His hand rested on Cas, across his chest. He stared down at his face and remembered the last time that he had seen him. The patchwork pattern of blood on his face had been haunting Dean for days. He moved his hand up to Cas' face and brushed back his hair. "You're going to be okay. I'm going to fix this."

* * *

Claire was sitting on the edge of the bleachers looking out at the soccer game that was playing out in front of her. She wasn't actually interested in the game, but Jody was there to cheer on Alex and had asked Claire to join them. Claire was pretty sure that Alex didn't even want to be there. She thought that perhaps this was a part of some elaborate punishment that predated her arrival at Jody's makeshift home for wayward girls. She didn't question it though. It was a nice enough break from the routine.

Each day she would get up, drink a cup of coffee, pick at whatever breakfast Jody laid out, and retreat back to her room. They hadn't determined yet what her role in this cobbled together family was going to be. She thought about leaving, but had not yet devised a solid plan. Plus, there was Cas. She had promised him that she would try things here. And for some reason, he mattered. She told herself that it was because he looked too much like her father. Really, though, she thought that it might be something else. She felt a bond with him that would perhaps exist even without his appearance. She held his grace once, and maybe that had made the difference. Or maybe it was just him and his newfound bent of kindness.

Jody hollered out to the field, "Yeah, good save." Alex seemed to hear her and gave her a look that was unmistakable even from this distance. Jody glanced at Claire as if to gauge a reaction to the moment then looked back out at Alex.

Alex was running down the field toward the rest of the team. Claire looked at Jody. "How long have you two lived together?"

"Little over a year now. Why do you ask?" Jody reached out and patted Claire on the knee then withdrew her hand, perhaps sensing the need that Claire had for more personal space.

"Just wondered. You two seem like a typical mother daughter pair." Claire let her eyes trail along Alex's wake. She was not giving the game her all, but she ran like a gazelle. He legs were long and lythe and there was a kind of grace to her movements as she darted in and out of the crowds. Her dark hair was trailing behind her in a ponytail. Her white uniform set off against her coffee tan skin gave her a look of a goddess.

"Alex would likely disagree with you on that assessment, but I'm glad you see it that way. I've worked hard to give her the relationship that we have. I want her to feel loved and important and also responsible." The last was said with a different tone, as if Jody was remembering why they were even at this game in the first place.

"So, shouldn't she be done with high school?" Claire was pretty sure that Alex was eighteen, but she hadn't bothered asking.

"Yeah, we decided that she should finish it up despite her being a bit older than the other seniors. It is only a year's difference. She's nineteen, just turned. Plus, she graduates in a couple of weeks, so she's practically done." Jody looked at Claire in a way that seemed to be calculating.

"Don't get any ideas, Jode." She gave the name a twist. She thought that the long o would add to her point. "I am done with school. Sam's gonna send me that fancy diploma to prove it."

"Hmm." Jody turned back to the game. "So, you've made up your mind, huh?"

"Yeah. I don't need to be trapped in another institution that wants to spoon feed me a bunch of things that I don't need. You really think that I need to study a bunch of Shakespeare or Algebra? How's that going to matter in my world?" She felt defensive, as if this would all lead to a fight. She was ready for it though.

"Okay, so no high school." Jody gave Claire's knee another pat and let out a sigh to accompany it. "How do you feel about college?" She smiled with the words.

"Well played." Claire laughed. "Pretty much the same. I think that I would be better off training to be a hunter."

"There's more to living than that. Sam and Dean would be the first to tell you. It's not the kind of life one should choose. It's a short life full of suffering."

"Been there done that, got the scars. It's the life I know, and I think I'll be good at it. My dad died saving the world. I want to make sure that his sacrifice wasn't in vain. If I take out the demons, the evil, then I am continuing his legacy. I'm doing what he did, ya know."

"Hmm." Jody let out the non-committal hum and added, "I understand, but maybe you can do both. You need to be educated, but I can see the value in other sorts of training too." Claire looked at her in shock. She had not expected even half of a compromise.  _Weren't parents supposed to be all against fighting and such?_

Then a darkness took over the sky. It was rolling over everything. "Is that a storm?" Claire stood and stared off at the darkness that was getting closer. Jody grabbed her arm.

"No, we need to run." She pushed Claire toward the bottom of the bleachers. "Alex!" She yelled out to the field. Everyone stopped in their paths. The clouds rolled closer and closer. "Run!" Alex ran off the field of now frozen people just staring at the sky. "Go to the car." Jody pushed them both to the cruiser and turned back to the crowds. "Take cover, it looks like a tornado!" This seemed to spur the crowds into action as they were now yelling to their children and parents. They ran in a swarm toward the parking lot. Jody sprinted ahead, catching up with the girls at the car. "Get in damn it." Claire and Alex were just standing there staring open mouthed at the sky. Jody practically ripped the door open and shoved them in the back.

She started the car. Claire yelled up, "What the hell is it?"

"I don't know. Never seen anything like that." Jody threw the car in reverse. Claire and Alex looked out the back window as the darkness rolled closer and closer. Jody shifted into drive and with a squeal of tires roared out of the parking lot. She kept glancing back into the rearview mirror. "That's no tornado. I don't know what it is, but it is not a tornado."

Alex leaned into the front seat. "Where are we going? What are we going to do?"

"I don't think that we can outrun it. I think that we need to take cover somewhere." Jody had the car floored. The darkness was gaining on them.

"I don't think that it is natural." Claire chimed in.

Jody took a fast turn and headed toward Bobby's old place. Even though it had burned to the ground, she had managed to preserve a few things. One of those preservation projects had been the panic room. Accessing it was different now, but it would do in a pinch. "I don't know if we'll make it, but I've got a spot for us at Singer Salvage. When I stop the car, we have to run. Run like there is no tomorrow. Don't get separated, no matter what. Got it? The girls looked to each other then Jody and nodded. Jody turned into the yard and swiftly shut off the engine. The darkness was a small distance off, maybe a mile from them. Jody went to the trunk and pulled out several weapons, a bag of salt, and a duffle of supplies. She handed several of the items off to the girls.

They ran now to the far end of the burnt out husk of a house. Jody lead them through the remains to a rickety, half burned staircase. "Be careful here. It might collapse under us." She took the steps quickly and gingerly at the same time. The world was growing dark. She got to a large metal door and spun the handle. "Come on, come on!" She waved her arms in wild arcs. Claire and Alex rushed past her. The billowing dark was nearing them at the door. Jody stepped inside and threw all of her strength into closing the door at the absolute last minute. The light from the ceiling dimmed and became dark. Everything became dark. Jody pulled out a flashlight from the duffle and switched it on. There were screams and a roar of destruction surrounding them. The noise permeated the wall and seemed intent on shaking the entirety of the space that held them.

"Is it a demon?" Claire asked as she reached out for the salt. "Or is it a spirit?"

"Never seen a ghost like that. That looked more like a demon to me. A big-ass demon." Alex stood in the center of the semi-dark room. The light from the flashlight giving them all the appearance of gaunt spectres.

"What do we do now?" Claire's voice was calm, but she felt nervous here in the dark with virtual strangers and the world's largest demon hanging on their walls.

"We wait. It can't get in if it is a demon." Jody walked over to them and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

"What if it doesn't leave?" Claire asked. Alex nodded next to Jody as if she had wondered the same thing.

"Well, you said you wanted to be a hunter. No time like the present to start fighting." Jody let out a long sigh. "I rather hoped you'd get a little break first though." She moved her hand up to Claire's cheek and cupped it slightly in a moment of endearment. "Guess none of us was ever meant to have it easy." With that they all turned to the door that gave a mighty shudder as if some large beast were ramming it from the other side. The pounding noise alone would be enough to terrorize anyone, let alone the knowledge that whatever was doing it was not a part of the natural world.

Claire took Alex's hand with one of hers, and Jody's with the other. "You're right. We got this." She gave their hands a little squeeze then released them. They each grabbed their weapons and braced themselves against the darkness that beat furiously at the door, the walls, and the world.


	2. Chapter 2

They reached the bunker. Dean scooped up Cas and carried him through the door. It had been destroyed before; now it was fixed. "Do you need me to get the holy oil?" Sam asked as they made their way across the landing and down the stairs.

"No. I've got this." Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first and looked back at Sam. "Everything is fixed. How?" He looked around the room at the space that he had last seen when the Stynes had been here. His legs began to sag beneath him with the memories. The room flashed in his mind and all he could see was the pile of books. The smell of gasoline wafted up to his nose. The kid stood there begging for his life. The bullet cut through the air slowly in his memory. The moment repeated again and again. Dean saw the kid fall, then he fell by his side. The kid changed to Cas, bloody and beaten. The memory was vivid, jarring in every way. He could feel the rage that had coursed through him. More than that though, he could hear Cas begging him to stop with just a couple words. The tone that filled each syllable, each breath. "Stop." And in that one word, he felt himself crumbling again.

"Dean." Sam's hand was on him. Cas was still in his arms bloody and seemingly dead.

"Mmokay." He mumbled as he walked toward the hall and his room.

Sam followed him. "Cas fixed it after you left. He was weak when he first came back. I asked him what happened. He told me a little. I'm sorry, Dean. You weren't you though, and Cas forgave you." Sam put his hand to Dean's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "He'll be okay. We all will. We'll get through this."

Dean looked back over his shoulder at Sam and said, "Seems like we're always fixing things we break. I'm tired of breaking things, Sammy."

Dean rounded the corner and made his way to his room. He was standing at his door trying to figure out how to open it with Cas in his arms. "I kinda thought that you would be putting him in the other room. We can't really put down the flaming holy oil in here." Sam opened the door though anyway. Dean passed through.

"No, I'm not trapping him in some angel killing circle. He has had enough of that shit. I'm going to keep an eye on him in here. He'll be fine. I've got this." Dean set Cas on the bed. His hand fell off the side in a heap of deadness. Dean reached down and gently lifted it back up onto the mattress so that it lay along Cas' side. "You need to get to the research. Find whatever you can on the darkness and what we need to do to fix this."

"Dean." Sam stood at the edge of the bed, looking sheepish and all too concerned.

"What?" Dean snapped a little. "Now's not the time for some chick chat. Get to it." Dean waved at the door.

"I just, I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get Charlie or Cas hurt. I feel so horrible." He kept standing there waiting.

"Then get out your laptop and fix this." Dean turned away from him and looked at the bed again and glanced back at Sam and saw his face. It was defeat and sorrow so profound. Dean said, "We can talk later, Sam. I just can't do that now. Okay?" It was more tender than he had been in a long time. He knew that Sam needed it. He remembered the things that he had said before. He had told him that he should have been the one to die and not Charlie. The truth was that no one should have died for him. He never wanted that, and now he would have to carry the guilt of their actions on his shoulders. Sam turned from the room without another word and walked out. Dean grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the side of the bed. He straddled the back of the seat and leaned over it. He knew that he should be reading up from one of their many books. He could be studying one of the dusty tomes on the earliest days of creation and the subsequent darkness. Instead, though, he studied his friend. Cas' face seemed to be almost at peace. If it weren't for the blood, Dean could have convinced himself that Cas was asleep.

He stayed like that for a few minutes before he decided to clean up the blood around Cas' eyes. He got up and walked out to the bathroom where he soaked a couple of wash cloths in warm water. He filled a little bowl with some extra warm water too. He carried them back to his room and returned to Cas' side. He dabbed at the blood that surrounded Cas' eyes. He wiped the blood from his cheeks and neck. "Why did you have to go and take risks for me, Cas." He squeezed out the wet rag into the bowl. "You didn't need to be doing that. Lord knows you've suffered enough."

Dean lifted Cas' hand and pulled his coat sleeve off of his arm. He rolled Cas a little and pulled to remove the coat the rest of the way. "Don't worry. I'm just going to wash it. You can probably just mojo it back to clean when you wake up, but I think that maybe you should just save your energy for more important things." Dean rolled the coat up a little and set it aside. He reached out and loosened the tie and pulled it off next. He set it with the coat to wash. He glanced back at the coat and seemed to remember that he would need to empty the pockets before tossing it into the laundry. He reached into the first one and found some papers. He set them on the nightstand. He reached into the next pocket and found Cas' phone. He turned it on and looked at the screen. He told himself that he would contact Claire and let her know what had happened. He did not have her number, so this was his only means of communicating. Well, actually, he could just call Jody, but this seemed easier.

The picture that took up residence on his background was a picture of Dean and Sam. They were at some long forgotten hotel. Dean couldn't quite remember where it was, but he remembered the moment. He had laughed at something stupid that Sam had said about how they needed to take some time to enjoy the quiet moments. It was sappy and cheesy. Cas had seemed all too willing to agree with Sam. He uttered some literal philosophy on peace and tranquility or somesuch bullshit. Dean remembered laughing at him and the look that he got. Cas pulled out his phone and snapped the picture of Dean as he laughed. Sam was all smiles. It had been a simple time for them.

Dean smiled at the picture and clicked on the contacts. "So, what should we tell Claire?" He found her number and held the phone for a while, mentally preparing for the conversation that would have to come.

* * *

The noise had intensified around them in the panic room. Jody pulled out her phone and tried to get a signal. "Damnit." She pushed the girls back farther from the edges of the room so that they were more in the middle of the space.

"Who were you going to call?" Alex yelled out over the noise. Her dark brown hair had come out of the ponytail a bit and was frizzing out around her face. She had a wild look in her eyes that was perhaps accentuated by the darkness of the room that was brightened only by the flashlight.

"I was going to try Sam." Jody yelled back over the noise.

"Do you think that it is trying to get in?" Claire pressed up next to Jody.

"No, but what do I know? I think that it is just moving, rapidly moving. I think that it can't get in here because of the sigils and the traps that Bobby placed here. I touched them up not too long ago, thinking that we should have places like this here and there just in case." Jody reached down into the bag pulled out the container of holy water that she had buried in there. "Guess it wouldn't hurt to have this too, just in case." The noise shook and roared and carried on with loud reverberations. They kept standing together in the near darkness, only now they fell into silence as they waited for something to fight. Nearly as quickly as it had begun, the sound fell away.

It was still dark, but at least it was quiet. "Is it gone?" Alex whispered out into the dark room. Claire picked up the flashlight from off the floor and walked over to the door.

"Don't," Jody said as she moved to Claire's side. "It's too quiet. Let's wait just a bit longer to be sure." Claire stepped back in compliance.

"How long should we wait then?" Claire watched as Jody pressed a hand to the door, feeling it with a look of concentration.

"Let's give it an hour. We'll let the world quiet down a bit."

"Or amp back up." Alex moved over to the wall across from the door and eased herself down into a sitting position. "What're we gonna do once we're out there?"

"I don't know." Jody kept standing at the door, feeling the grooves and seams of it.

"It's bad. I've seen demons before, but none like that. Maybe I should call Castiel." Claire stood at Jody's side a long, silver knife still in her hand from earlier. Jody shuffled away from the door and leaned her rifle against the frame. She leaned against the wall next to the door and eased down into a sitting position that mirrored Alex's. She stared across the room at her adopted daughter and then back at Claire.

"We don't have any signal in here, but I think that the more people that we contact the better. Who knows what information might be out there. We will need a lot of knowledge if we are going to survive this thing, I think." Jody looked down at her hands and flicked at the underside of her fingernail like she was cleaning it. It was a nervous gesture and one of contemplation. Claire had wondered about this woman that takes in random girls that might have a little monster in them. She wondered how someone like her had come to exist. She imagined that it involved blood and loss and nothing good.

"I might be able to reach him without the phone. Castiel said that he could hear me if I prayed or directed an excess of emotions at him, like a longing or something. I could try to reach him that way and then he could let Sam and Dean know that you all are okay. It's a one-way communication, but it might be better than nothing." Claire sat on the floor cross-legged and stared off away from Jody.

"What will you tell him?" Jody asked.

"Maybe just what we have seen and where we are." Claire closed her eyes, not that that was necessary, but she thought that maybe a little extra concentration wouldn't hurt. She started to pray when Alex's voice interrupted.

"So, let me get this straight. You know someone that can hear prayers? Why are we only hearing about this now? This might have been useful before, don't you think." And then in her inaccurate impersonation of Claire's voice she added, "Oh, and by the way I have a direct line to God. Not sure if that's important at all since we are being chased by a giant demon cloud. Just sayin'." Alex ended her little spiel on a huff.

"What's your issue?" Claire paused and stared at Alex, waiting for an answer.

"I think that this situation is stressful for all of us. She's just venting." Jody turned her attention to Alex with her next words. "Not sure if you noticed, Alex, but we haven't exactly had much of a terror pause since leaving the soccer field. Let's give Claire the quiet that she needs to send out the prayer."

Alex huffed out another frustrated puff of air and stared off at the ceiling. Claire closed her eyes again and tried to concentrate.  _Castiel, if you are listening, I maybe need your help. Jody, Alex, and I are locked in the panic room at some guy named Bobby's house. There is a large demoney thing that is everywhere. If you can, please come help us._  And then she added as an almost afterthought,  _I hope you're okay. Be safe._  She wasn't sure if she was supposed to say Amen or not when she was on a first name basis with the angel receiving the prayer. She decided against it as if avoiding that one word might leave the line open. She opened her eyes and waited, hoping that her prayer could reach out beyond these walls and all of the darkness that held them here. She wished that she could hear a response from him. The hardest part was the silence. Like all the times before, the silence had seemed to be most present just before all hell would break loose.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean did not remember falling asleep. His head lolled over the edge of the chair at an angle that would seem decidedly uncomfortable to anyone looking in on him. His hands were both clutching Cas' sleeve. He was Cas' anchor or Cas was his. It didn't matter, sink or swim they would both go to it together he had thought in his last moments of consciousness. Then there was darkness and his mind slipped off into dreams.

There were clouds, bright in the blue sky. The long pier stretched out over the water. The land was framed by trees and sunlight. Cas sat legs dangling down into the lake. He turned as Dean approached, smiled, and turned back to the view in front of him. Dean sat next to him, but tucked his legs up under himself instead of letting them hang over the edge in the water. The nature sounds were soothing. A large fish jumped up out of the water a little ways off. He glanced, sidelong, at Cas and saw that he was doing the same to him.

"You okay?" Dean muttered out, quietly so as not to break the peace that surrounded them.

"I'm fine." Cas' reply was quick and equally quiet. "You?"

"Been better." Dean hoped that honesty would inspire Cas. He leaned toward him and let their shoulders brush for a moment.

"Me too." Apparently the honesty was inspiring. "I can't seem to wake up. Claire is praying. She and Jody and a girl named Alex are in the panic room at Bobby's old place."

"I'll get Sam to go to her." Dean said as he picked at one of the boards between them. "Or you could wake up and we can all go together."

"It might be best if I don't. I don't think that I am as I was. Rowena took some of me when she cast the spell. It was unexpected." Cas reached out then and touched Dean's arm. "You are whole again, though. This is good."

Dean felt a strange pulse rush through him beginning where Cas' hand had settled. "I'm good." They stared at each other like they use to, and it was somehow comforting to Dean. "Don't go throwing yourself on every Godforsaken pyre for me anymore, okay." Dean's words bridged the gap between them, ghosting out to Cas' lips.

"I'm still alive as are you." Cas' lip curled up a little in a smile.

There were things that he needed to say, apologies that needed to be given. He did not know where to begin, though. Dean stared at him and then a roar of thunder drew his eyes out across the water. Darkness was rolling in. He turned back to Cas. His face was lined in bloody tributaries as it had been when Dean had beaten him. "Oh, God, Cas. I'm so sorry, so sorry." He scrambled back from him. He could feel the rush of air from the darkness barreling toward them. "Come on. We have to run. It's coming." Cas just sat there, staring at him. "What the fuck, Cas. Come on!" He yelled at him now and grabbed his sleeve, pulling with all his might. Cas did not move. He just stared at Dean out of blood rimmed eyes now.

Dean threw himself over Cas, arms wrapping as much around him as they could. He pulled Cas' head into the space beneath his own chin and hoped that it would shield him enough from the general attack that was sure to come. The darkness covered them. It roared around them, squeezed into them. He could feel the pressure of it as it gained purchase over his ears, eyes, nose, and mouth. As it pressed on him the dream world around him shifted to nightmare. There was Hell and Alastair and implements of torture best left forgotten. There was also Cas though, still clutched in his arms.

The world around them still roared with images and evil. It was incoherent and violent. It was the edge of a storm ripping at the very fabric of his being. He felt Cas' fingers dig into his shirt just over his chest. He was clinging to him, seeing God knows what. The world screamed out a piercing noise of suffering and destruction. It was like the furies had taken to the skies in search of souls to tear apart. Their screams raining down on all present. Dean looked up and swore that he saw them. He had seen them in Hell. They had pulled flesh from his bones only to laugh as it grew back again. They would return to him time and again to experience the fresh joy of this old torment.

He closed his eyes and pressed his head further into Cas. Suddenly, there was silence. Cas was gone. He felt himself fall forward a little. His arms gripping emptiness. The darkness was gone. The sky was blue and bright. He shook though as he stared off at it alone. "Cas!" His call went out across the lake and came back to mock him. "Cas!" He could feel the sickening pang of panic building again. He closed his eyes and willed himself awake, only to open them and see that he was still on the pier. Across the water, though something had changed.

There was a white speck of something moving along the far shore out to the water. Dean shielded his eyes against the too bright sunlight that sparked off of the lake. The whiteness was on the water now, moving toward him. He considered retreating, but what good would that do. It moved slowly, deliberately on the water. It was a man. He was walking toward Dean. More importantly, he was too familiar, and he was walking along the surface of the water. The form drew closer, and Dean felt the sickening clench of his gut as the face became something of nightmares. It was Sam, but not Sam. There was never any doubt in his mind as to who this was. He looked on him without flinching. The white suit, crisp and bright as it was in another dream, another time adorned his body.

"Hello, Dean." Sam's face and Lucifer's voice all honeyed and calm occupied the space before him. The words so simple, so telling in their delivery.

"What do you want?" Dean crouched slightly, preparing for a fight that might not come. He would lose. He felt it down to his core. Lucifer stopped walking at the edge of the pier and chose instead to stare at him with a cocked head, considering Dean's words before he spoke.

"World peace," he said simply, a smile brightening his face and extending up to his eyes. Dean shook again. The muscles in his body giving out a tidal wave of involuntary movement from his head to his toes.

"What do you want?" He asked again, this time with more strength in his tone.

"I only wanted to be the first to tell you how colossally you and Sam have screwed up. I mean, of all the things you both have done, this one takes the cake. Now, I, for one, count you both as my greatest allies. Literally, half of my goals would go unaccomplished without the two of you in my corner." He stopped here and took a step up onto the pier like it was just a step, no miracle whatsoever. "So, I merely wanted to say, thank you. Thank you Dean, for all that you do." Now he began a slow clap, as mocking as his tone. Dean felt himself growing angry, but he was powerless to do a thing about it.

"I'm done with you." Dean spoke through gritted teeth.

"Too bad you can't leave, huh? Guess you'll just have to ride out the night with me. You want me to entertain you?" He reached for Dean. "I get you 'til you wake up. Sam and I use to have so much fun with this game." Dean stepped back, and Lucifer advanced.

"I just have to wake up." Dean leveled his gaze on Lucifer as he kept advancing, reaching. His hand was about to cup Dean's cheek. Dean threw his arms out to the side, a type of crucifixion pose, and let himself fall straight back to the pier. Before his body hit the deck, he was jolted awake.

Sam was there shaking him. "Wake up. Wake up, Dean." Dean shot up off the chair and nearly knocked Sam off his feet.

"What the hell." Dean was back against the wall now, panting erratically. He stared at Sam's face past a squint. "Oh, thank God."

Sam edged over to him and reached out to his arm. "You okay? You were yelling in your sleep. You called out to Cas. You were talking too, but I couldn't tell what you were saying. It was all incoherent."

"It was Lucifer. He was in my dream. So was Cas. It seemed real, but I'm not sure. The darkness was there. I'm afraid that we unleashed something that we aren't ready for. I don't think that we have the ability to fight this. It's in our heads. It's playing on our worst fears." Dean unconsciously clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. Sam took another tentative step toward him.

"You haven't even seen what's been happening outside." He pressed his hand to Dean's arm, and Dean visibly relaxed. "It is still dark. People are panicking. There's looting and violence. It is utter chaos."

"Have you found anything in the research?" Dean moved back toward the bed, back toward Cas.

"Nothing usable. Lot's of Genesis stuff, but I think that I might need to look at it from a different angle." Sam turned to look down at Cas then and added, "Any change?"

"No, except that he was in my dream. Not sure if I should put any stock in it though. Might not have been him." Dean reached out to Cas and let his fingers brush the edge of his sleeve. Sam made no comment. Dean considered what Cas had said in the dream though. He turned to Sam and said, "Have you heard from Jody lately?"

"Uh, no, not since she called to confirm that Claire had arrived. Why?"

"Cas, well, the one in the dream anyway, said that Claire, Jody, and Alex were locked away in Bobby's panic room. He said that Claire was praying to him." Dean pulled out Cas' phone from his own pocket. "I'm going to try calling her." He pulled her name up on the contacts and hit send. He had tried before, but it went right to voicemail. Once again, the call did not get answered. "Voicemail. If they are still in there, they won't have reception. I think that you should head out there and check on them, make sure they are okay."

"What about you? You gonna be okay here?" Sam looked from Dean to Cas and back again.

"Yeah, I got Mr. Comatose here to keep me company. I think that you should bring them here to the bunker. Might be safer here for the time being." Dean picked at a fuzzy edge of the blanket on the bed and thought about the situation. He wondered if maybe they might actually be better off far away from all of them. In his long experience, people in their vicinity did not tend to have long lives. "On second thought, don't bring them here. Set them up somewhere safe in Sioux Falls."

Sam was looking at him with understanding. "Okay, Dean." He turned to go, but before he left he turned and said, "Call me if anything happens."

"You do the same." Dean watched him go. "Be careful."

With that he lowered himself back down to the uncomfortable chair and watched Cas. He did not move, nor did he sleep again. He rested his hands back on Cas' arm and hoped that he could will him back to this room, this place.

* * *

It had been more than an hour, but Jody was nervous about leaving. She had said that something was telling her that they would be better off waiting until the next day. She had gone to the metal cabinet on the wall and pulled out some blankets. She tossed a couple at Alex and then at Claire. "Here, make yourselves some beds." The girls silently complied, setting up their beds as far apart as they could. Jody watched them in their efforts. "What's up with you two?"

They each looked at her, the confusion on each of their faces mirrored and somewhat comical. Alex said, "What?"

Jody walked over to Alex's bedding and dragged it to the center of the room. Then she went to Claire's and dragged it to the center. She set up her own bed between them. "Safer together." She gave a pointed look to each of them.

Claire looked down at the bedding all bunched up now in the middle and added her two cents, "Or we just made it easier for smokey to knock us out with one blow. Piled together like this, it just takes one blow to one location. If we are in our own corners…" She looked around at the round room and seemed to struggle with how to rephrase her depiction of the room. "Well, not corners, but you get me. If we're spread out, it'll be harder for it to get us all at once."

"Hate to break it to you Claire, but neither arrangement will make a difference if smokey gets in here." Alex wrinkled her nose down at the bedding. It gets in here and we're toast. A few extra feet or none will make no diff."

Jody rolled her eyes at both of them and said, "Then you'll all just die next to me rather than over on the wall by yourselves. Together is better than apart, okay."

Claire shrugged and threw herself down on the bedding first; Alex followed. Alex pulled out some containers from the duffle and laid them out on the blanket. She pulled out a journal next and skimmed over the pages of symbols and letters. She stopped on a page that looked like it contained hand drawn sigils and other unusual designs. She opened up one of her containers and gathered some implements from the bag. She stuck a random popsicle stick into the container and gave it a few brisk stirs. She had a ziplock baggie in front of her. She poured some of the stuff from the container into it and then squeezed it all down to the corner.

Jody wasn't paying attention. She was reading from one of the other books that had been stashed in the room's cabinet. Claire started to feel awkward, like she needed something to do to pass the time that didn't involve watching Alex stir mud for packaging purposes. She glanced at Jody again, but it wasn't long before her eyes were back on Alex. "Why don't you take a picture?" Alex snipped.

"Good one, Alex. Guess you've never been bored. Oh wait, that's what I'm seeing, boredom in the form of mud pie making." Claire huffed and turned her back on Alex.

"It's not mud." Claire turned back with Alex's words. "It's henna, you twit." Alex was looking at Claire now with bit of disdain blanketing her face.

"Now, girls play nice." Jody mocked from behind her book. She leveled a look at Alex over the cover and added, "Why don't you show Claire the stuff that we talked about with the symbols and stuff?"

Alex didn't reply right away, but instead fiddled with her little baggie of henna and her book. Jody went back to reading and eventually Alex bothered to look at Claire again. "Fine. Don't have anything better to do, I guess."

"Don't do me any favors." Claire was leaning closer though. She was pretty bored despite the looming danger outside and the fact that the world might be falling down around them even as they sat there.

Alex twisted the book toward Claire and showed her some of the symbols. "Jody and I got to talking the other day about preventative things, protective things, ya know, things to do to keep us safe. This was before you showed up. Eventually, we got on the subject of tattoos for anti-possession, and that lead to other types of protective tattoos and symbols. We got to thinking that the body is a limited canvas. If we protect ourselves with permanent symbols, they will need to be the kind of symbols that can help us through any and all future problems. Otherwise, we will inevitably just be a mess of tattoo ink."

Alex paused in her explanation, and Claire reached out to the book to flip a page and look at some of the other designs. Alex pulled the book back to herself though. "Okay, so what does that have to do with the mud, I mean henna?"

Alex smirked, "Well, say I want to fight something off that once it is dead, it's no longer a threat. Should I be stuck with a symbol for the rest of my life that repels it? Seems kinda pointless to me." She raised an eyebrow as she made her point and Claire nodded in agreement. "Now according to Jody, the Winchesters have this tattoo on their chests, an anti-possession tattoo. That seems useful as there will always be some demon trying to get in, but somethings shouldn't be given permanence. Some symbols have too much power. Knowing that the symbol will fade in time, allows one to sort of hit refresh, start over, so to speak."

"So, what symbols have you considered there?" Claire pointed at the book.

"Oh, only a couple. I have been toying with some of the goddess symbols. I think that the Kali symbols might be something of use." She looked over to Jody now and added, "She pre-dated time and she is powerful. Wouldn't likely hurt to have her symbols on us as we go back out into the real world."

Jody looked over at her and then at the book. "She's a complicated goddess. She is darkness and in most stories destruction."

"She is also a mother and a protector. Somehow, I think that we would be her kind of people." Jody didn't respond right away and Alex looked away for a moment.

"Let me think about it, Alex. Why don't you start with the anti-possession symbol." Jody went back to her book.

Alex turned her attention to Claire then, "So, whatcha say? Wanna let me practice on you?"

Claire was a little taken aback. It was probably the first time that Alex had employed a tone with her that was not bordering on the annoyed. She mumbled her reply though, careful not to sound too interested. "Sure."

Alex smiled, actually smiled, and reached across to Claire's hand, pulling it over swiftly to her leg. "Now hold still while I work. I don't want to mess up and have you become demon bait." She laughed a little.  _Alex laughed. Impossible._  Alex snipped the end of the baggie so that she could pipe out the henna onto Claire's hand. She set it aside though and turned her book to a different page first. The symbol looked like a pentagram surrounded by flames, sort of. She propped it up against the duffle and slid closer to Claire.

She took Claire's hand in hers and pulled it closer as she prepared to work. She angled the henna bag at the back of Claire's hand. "You sure you know what you're doing? Don't want an ugly mess on my hand when you're done." Claire was trying to be funny, lighten the mood.

"Shh. Don't distract me." Alex began piping out the henna onto Claire's hand. It looked like a very thick, very messy glop of mud instead of any recognizable symbol. There was something soothing in the moment though, and Claire let herself relax into it. Alex worked with careful fingers. There was a delicacy to her actions. She was concentrating and gentle, two things that Claire did not think that Alex was capable of being at all. From the time that she first entered Jody's house, Alex seemingly had gone to great lengths to establish dominance and then distance. Claire felt like she was intruding if they ended up in the same room, even the common spaces like the dining room or the front porch. So, she took to spending time in her own room, a space that never welcomed Alex.

After a few more minutes of silent work, Alex leaned back and seemed to assess the job. Claire looked down at it and wrinkled her nose up a bit. There was something familiar about the look of the symbol, but it was still just a bit lumpy and messy. "So, this is better than getting a tatt?"

"Yep. When it dries you can brush off the excess. The design will be stained into your skin underneath." Alex smiled at her handiwork.  _She smiled. Insanity. Must be insanity. She is likely preparing to murder me in my sleep and is thinking about the inevitable bloodshed._

"So, Kali seems like a strange choice for you." Claire was just filling the quiet. She didn't really think much of the choice or its appropriateness for Alex.

Jody snorted out a tiny laugh from behind her book though, and Alex threw her a scowl. "Well, Claire, that just shows what you don't know." She absently flipped through the book again. Finding a page that she wedged in between the folds. It had a hand sketched symbol, meticulously drawn and beneath it a second sketch of a woman with hair blowing out in wild abandon, her foot smashing down into the anguished face of a man.

"So, why Kali then?" Claire wanted to find a path back to the peace that existed before.  _What better path to peace than talking about the goddess of destruction._

"You don't know me, but if you did, you'd know that Kali and I are quite similar. After talking with Jody about the whole symbol thing, I got to looking at useful gods and symbols for this little project." She looked at Claire for a moment, irritation just tickling the edge of her features. "Not everyone has an angel daddy ya know."

"Shut-up. He's not my dad. My dad is dead." Claire whipped her hand to her chest and got up. She moved to a wall and stopped, having nowhere left to go. She thought about leaving.  _Who cares about the smoke, the danger. Better than being in here with her._

A small voice bridged the gap between them. "Sorry." She turned a moment later and saw both Jody and Alex staring at her. Alex added, "If it helps my family used to be vampires. They used me to get food, and by food I mean yummy, yummy people." Claire just stared at her with irritation. She wasn't ready to forgive and forget yet, but something in Alex's face drew her back eventually. She came to the bedding again and tossed herself down on it in a huff.

"Just don't talk about my family." Claire curled up on herself a little, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them close.

"We all have our demons. Pardon the pun. Some of us just make jokes to hide the pain of them." Jody offered up before turning back to her book.

Alex went back to her story as if she hadn't been interrupted. "So, I've been pretty destructive in my past. Hated most people. You probably can't tell given my current sunny disposition." She traced the Kali symbol on the page in front of her with one delicate finger. "I started looking for stories and such that were potentially helpful. I found a lot of patriarchal bullshit. Dude-god goes smitey if you get in his way stuff. Then here's a symbol to summon his smitey ass. No thanks. Had enough of that kind of guy to last a lifetime. Had enough smitey women in my life too, to be honest. Seemed less irritating though to go down that path again. I blame Jody." She stopped a moment and looked to Jody.

Jody smiled back. "Thanks dear. Love ya too." Jody quipped over her book, but the look in her eyes was sincere even if her tone was playing it off.

"So, I found Kali, and she seemed like she just spoke to me. I did some digging and found some symbols that are connected to her, protection symbols and such." She leaned over to Claire then and showed her the symbol in the book. Then she glanced at Jody and subtly reached down to her sock. She pulled aside the top of it and Claire could see the symbol drawn out on Alex's ankle, where it would normally be hidden.

"What would this symbol do? I mean I get the anti-possession one, but this one seems unclear." Claire caught the look from Alex that practically screamed,  _Don't tell Jody._

"That is exactly my concern," Jody said.

"Well, you shouldn't be so worried." Alex shot her a glance. "This symbol places the wearer under her protection. She could be called upon should danger arise. It binds one to her a bit."

"Seems risky. What does she gain from that?" Claire traced the design in the book now and considered what it would mean to be bound to a god. She already knew what it meant to be connected to something immortal and it was a lot to process, and Castiel wasn't even a god.

"Gods gain power from the prayers and belief that their followers have in them. Faith and devotion are powerful things in and of themselves. Plus, I would like to believe that she is a bit on the side of women in general. Kinda old-school girl power god, ya know."

"Hmm." Claire thought about the symbol and figured what could it hurt. One more layer of protection in a world gone dark, seemed like the smart way to go. She gave Alex a pointed look and tapped her own ankle. Alex gave her an almost imperceptible nod in return.

"Let's turn in girls. We can leave after we rest. Maybe we'll get lucky and there won't be anything out there." Jody started putting away the book and adjusting the bedding.

"Way to jinx us Jodes. You only say stuff like that if you got a hunk of wood to knock on." Alex reached over and knocked on Jody's head.

"Shoot, have you been listening to Claire there? I swear if this Jodes name sticks I am going to have to come up with annoying names for the two of you in retaliation."

"Ha, have you been calling her that too?" Alex gave Claire a light slug on the shoulder. "I've been using it every time she tries to be all discipliney with me."

Claire laughed a little. "I just threw it at her today. I didn't realize that there was a rich history attached to it." Alex edged past Claire and took over the center blanket next to Claire. She tucked the book between them.

"Guess I'm sleeping on the edge then." Jody raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you were bonding too much with the new kid. Can't have you getting any ideas about replacing me with the blonde one." With that they each settled into the blankets on the hard floor. Jody shut off the flashlight and eventually the girls could hear the steady rhythm of her snoring. Alex tapped Claire's arm, and turned on a small LED flashlight that was attached to her keyring. Alex whispered into her ear, I'll put it on your lower back. It'll be easy to hide it and easy for me to do without waking up Jody." Claire reached back and lifted the bottom of her shirt up, exposing her back to the light. She flinched a little as Alex placed the first bits of henna on her skin. It was cold, but it warmed up quickly upon contact. When she finished. Alex gave Claire a little pat on the shoulder. She eased back from her more, into the blankets. She shut off the little flashlight and the room was once again thrown into darkness. She had no reason to be anymore afraid now than she had been, but she was. She shook a little and told herself that it was just cold, but she knew that it was more than that, like she had come to understand what was out there, what was waiting for them, and what they were woefully unprepared to meet.


	4. Chapter 4

Like static playing out on a television in another room, Dean could hear Cas. He was a humming mass of energy just laying there on Dean's bed. He had said once that he was a bunch of energy or celestial light or somesuch thing that Dean didn't quite remember now. He understood though. He understood a great deal. He did remember when Cas had said that they shared a more profound bond. Truer words were never spoken. Sam had raised an eyebrow with that little statement, perhaps thinking that it had meant something different. Dean didn't like to focus on that too much. What his brother didn't know, couldn't know, was what the bond really was, what it meant. Dean wasn't even sure if Cas really knew. Cas could walk in Dean's dreams, see what he sees, maybe even feel what he feels. He could also see into Dean's thoughts when he wasn't dreaming. For instance, he could send out a quick pulse of grace and witness Dean's most private wonderings.

There had been a time when Dean had worried about that, not so much now though. He had reconciled himself to the idea that Cas was a part of his existence in a deeper way. He had grown to need him, and having him just get it all, just understand it all, made things easier. This was especially important when the world was far from easy. What was interesting to Dean was how things had developed between them. It had been a kind of one-way street for them at first. Before, Cas could see into Dean, comprehend his needs and issues. Later, though, Dean found that he could sense some things from Cas, as well. Having Cas enter a room was like the moment before lightening would strike. There was electricity tracing out a path, and a feeling of momentary anticipation coiling up in the pit of Dean's stomach. He use to jump when Cas would appear out of nowhere, a snap of energy and then his face in the mirror, or two inches from his own. It was different now though. Dean's reactions had changed with realization, and Cas couldn't just pop into a place like he had before, so there was that .

Dean's realizations were two fold. He understood that he was hearing Cas' grace, the slow, steady hum of it when he was near. He also understood that sometimes, he was receiving information from Cas. Call it a feeling, but it was almost more palpable than that. He had asked Cas once, what it felt like to receive a prayer. By way of an answer he had taken Dean's hand in his own. He had pressed Dean's hand into a tight fist and held it there for a few moments, squeezing it while he spoke. He spoke of tides and streams that move and pull, and carry out patterns of movement. He spoke of the ever present rotation of all things and the way that humans are always so pressed to the earth by so much gravity while also being so continually in motion. He said these things in his clear luminous voice, in a voice that once commanded multitudes but now commanded the attention of only one man. He said these things while pressing Dean's hand tight in on itself, and Dean felt the press of something more. He felt the press of emotions pouring into and through him. He felt a trill of energy pass from his fist or maybe from Cas up to his chest to be greeted by the increased pace of his heart.

Cas let Dean's hand go a little. Dean uncurled his fingers. Cas rested Dean's now open hand on his own, palm up. He pinched a spot in the middle of his palm and pulled up on the skin a little, then he let it go. Dean could still feel the tug on his hand even after Cas had let go. This was how Dean came to know that he was hearing more from Cas than just his grace. He would feel that pull somewhere in his chest and sometimes it would be followed by a phone call or a text from Cas that was friendly. A type of how are you message or a check-in would be sent out instead of the business type of messages that they might exchange during a case. He did not think that Cas knew how much he was sensing from him, the type of feelings that he was transmitting. Dean felt them like a longing that was pulling at his chest and wondered if some of it would reflect back to Cas, if he would sense his own pulse of feelings as they echoed across the distance between them. Dean thought of the moments like prayers, and he felt a type of pleasure in knowing that he was receiving them as much as he was giving them. Eventually they would need to talk about it, but today was not that day.

Dean would leave the room occasionally, to get food or to use the restroom. He was nervous about doing this, though. The thought of Cas waking up alone did not sit well with him. So, most of his trips out to the other parts of the bunker were handled with swiftness. Sam had called to say that he was almost to Sioux Falls. He also reported out about the things that he was seeing. The world had gone to shit, and it had not even been twenty-four hours.

"Really, Sam? You're worried about a few looters." Dean thought that compared to a mass of demony darkness enveloping the earth, that looting was hardly worth mentioning.

"You don't seem to be understanding, Dean. It's more than the act, it is the how and why of it. People are acting strangely. Some of them seem to be possessed or maybe the better term might be soulless. You told me that when I didn't have a soul, that I was off, that I just didn't care, that I seemed to enjoy watching bad things happen. That is what this seems like to me. Plus, the world is still entirely dark."

Dean listened to Sam's description of the people and things that he had seen, but he just couldn't wrap his head around it all.  _How could they even begin to fight this?_  "Does it seem to be, I don't know, uh, interacting with people? Like is it possessing them?"

"Not like when a demon does it, no. It seems to be affecting things though." Sam paused a moment and added, "Something else too, just before I hit the state line, I noticed that there was a patch of light. Bunch of people from the town were gathered in it. It was like the darkness couldn't go there. Beyond the darkness, I could see blue sky. Since then, I've seen a couple of other breaks in the darkness like that. People swarm to them."

"Was there anything in the spots that had light?" Dean rested his hand on the back of the chair that had been his resting spot for too many hours. He stretched up to the ceiling and felt all of his joints crack with the effort.

"I hate to say this, but I didn't stop. I was afraid that if I did, I might not finish the trek to Jody and the girls. Does that make sense?" Sam sounded like he would turn back with just a word from Dean.

"Makes sense. We will need to check the light though. Once you get to the girls, find out what is causing it. Maybe we can use it to push back this thing." Dean was ready to end this conversation. He had grown tired again, and he was having more trouble fighting it with each minute that passed. Sleeping in the chair had not given him adequate rest, nor had the dreams that came with that mode of sleeping. "Gonna try to sleep a bit. Give me a call or a text when you get to Jody and things get settled, okay."

"Will do." Sam hung up and Dean put the phone on the nightstand and plugged it into a charger.

Dean looked down at Cas and concentrated on him, really concentrated on him. "Wake up you dumb son of a bitch. I need to pick your brain about all of this ancient evil crap." He reached out a hand to him and let it rest on Cas' chest. He closed his eyes and felt the steady strum of a heartbeat and the rise and fall of Cas' chest. It was something that his vessel did. Cas explained once that it was not something that was necessary for the maintenance of his life, but that it was how the body was meant to act. Plus it gave him a more human appearance. Dean took comfort in the feel of it. To him it felt like life, and it seemed like it was a promise that Cas was still there.

Dean closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Cas beneath his palm, then he concentrated in a different way. He listened for feelings that sometimes slammed out in waves of intensity all the way to his chest. He listened for the static sound of communication that usually signified his return to Dean. He pressed his palm to Cas' chest more as he stood there. He fingers kneading the space there. "I need you, Cas. It's time to come back." There was a hum of energy and Dean could feel the current of it, of Cas. "I knew you were still there." Dean smiled around the words. He opened his eyes and half expected to see Cas looking back at him. He wasn't though. His eyes were still closed. Dean could barely stay standing. He considered dragging in a few blankets to make a spot on the floor, but that seemed unnecessary. Cas was only taking up half the bed.

Dean shed some of his layers and took over the space next to Cas. At first he gave Cas space. He laid facing the wall with a gulf of bed between them. A few minutes of this and then he found himself turning over to face Cas. Sam wasn't here. Dean put his hand back on Cas' chest and told himself that this was necessary. If Cas woke up, then Dean would feel it. He kept laying there for a time, concentrating on the hum, the rise and fall of his breathes, the steady, and unnecessary heartbeat, and the promises that seemed to come with each press of it. Cas had said that he would be with Dean long after everyone else was gone. "You said that you wouldn't go. So, I expect you to keep your word, and I expect you to be conscious too." Dean moved closer. "There is a lot that we need to talk about when you come back, so come back, okay." He felt himself dropping off into the abyss of dreams and sleep. Cas' energy humming quietly between them, promising much in the quiet night.

* * *

Claire, Jody, and Alex woke up in the darkness of the panic room simultaneously and with a sharp stab of fear. There was a tremendous pounding that was happening at the door. Whatever was causing it, really wanted in. Jody had made some modifications to the room back when she had been to the property before. She made it so that the door could be locked from the inside. Before, the room had been used primarily to hold things in. This was all well and good back in Bobby's day apparently, but Jody had said that the place needed to provide a different sort of protection.

They were on their feet. Alex had turned on the flashlight and Jody turned on one of the lanterns. The room was brighter now, at least. None of them spoke, afraid to reveal their presence to an enemy. Jody kicked at the duffle bag and nodded at each of the girls to get themselves weapons. Alex pulled out a long machete. Claire grabbed a too large revolver. Jody shook her head no and pulled the gun away, placing it back into the bag. She pulled out a smaller gun, and placed it in Claire's hand. She leaned in and whispered into Claire's ear, "Too much kick in that one. I need you to be quick and accurate."

Claire nodded back and aimed the gun at the door. Jody moved closer to the door, dagger in one hand and a Beretta in the other. Alex looked at her like she wanted to scream no, don't you dare open the door, as Jody reached for the handle but did not open it. Then they heard a voice piercing the metal between them and the outside world. "Jody! Claire! You in there?"

"Sam?" Jody replied back.

"Yeah, my God he was right. You are in there." Sam hollered out to them through the door. Jody gripped the door now and spun the handle. Sam pushed the door open and stepped in. They all stood there for a moment assessing each other. Jody lowered her weapon and stepped into a hug with Sam. His arms seemed long enough to wrap around her twice over.

"Tell me it's over." Jody's voice was muffled by Sam's chest.

"Far from it." He answered down into her hair. "Sorry to be the bearer of bad news." He looked over at Claire and Alex, then he released Jody. "Cas is unconscious, but he managed to find a way to tell Dean that you were here."

Claire felt the stab of worry twist like a knife in her gut. She didn't want to lose anyone else. Cas had come to mean something to her. She closed her eyes and concentrated on something that was beyond her. She had noticed that sometimes she could feel a distant hum of energy when she was around him. Sometimes, even when she was far away, if she concentrated on him, sent out a longing for his company, she would get a tiny pulse of acknowledgement back. She wasn't sure if it was something that he did consciously, because they had never talked about it. It didn't matter though. What mattered was that she knew it was him, and that the little pulse of energy was the sign that he was okay, or that he was looking out for her. The connection mattered to her more than just about anything. She had so little anymore that connected her to anything. For her, living had become a lonely endeavor, and she sometimes thought that the only one that got what that meant, was Cas. She opened her eyes with that thought, having felt something weak that could have been Cas humming out across the great expanse of miles between the panic room and the bunker. She looked at Sam and asked, "What happened to him? Is he okay?"

"It's a long story, but he was cursed, and then well, cursed again. Things haven't been so good." He ran his hand up through his hair and seemed to crumble in on himself a little. Jody reached back out to him and placed her hand solidly on his arm. He looked like he was about to collapse. "I heard that you all were here, and I have been driving for what seemed like forever thinking that I would find more people that I care about dead."

Alex decided to join the conversation then, "Well, as you can see, we're not dead yet." She adopted a funky British accent, and Claire decided that Alex was trying to do some sort of Monty Python impersonation or something.

"Wow, Alex. Really?" Claire rolled her eyes and turned back to Sam. "So, who is watching over him?"

"Dean."

"Uh, is that wise? I thought that you all were worried about the Mark of Cain and such." Claire was already thinking about the route back to the bunker, back to Lebanon. There was a motorcycle back at Jody's place. She could get there and borrow it, she thought.

Sam interrupted her thoughts with information on Dean. "He doesn't have the Mark anymore. He's him again."

"Oh, thank God," Jody breathed out on a sigh.

"Hate to interrupt the big ole reunion here, but could we get out of here? I mean the digs are great and all, but kinda looking forward to a mattress and sheets and privacy." She nodded over at Claire and added, "No offence."

Claire just rolled her eyes. "Is it safe?"

Sam looked back at the door over his shoulder. "It's a mess. I don't think that you all can stay in here though." He took a tentative step toward the door. Jody followed him.

"You sure?" She stopped him just as he was about to exit. Jody had a tone that seemed to stop Sam short even without the hand that she placed back on his arm.

He seemed to think about his answer for a bit first. "I don't know, Jody. I really don't. I keep making all the wrong choices lately. I think that if I say that it is safe, you all might benefit from doing the exact opposite."

"Do you think that it is safe?" Jody asked as she stared straight up into his eyes.

"No, but I think that we all need to be out there in it, fighting it however we can." Sam stood there, waiting for Jody to tell him what they would do.

"That's good enough for us, Sam." She stepped past him and out the door into the darkness. Sam followed.

Alex turned to Claire, "Do we trust him?"

"I think so. Jody does, and he seemed okay back when I was with them before. They did try to save my mom." Claire stared at the gaping maw that was the doorway to the panic room. The darkness beyond it felt like more than a night sky or a dark room. It was a living, pulsating thing. She felt herself shudder with the the thought that she would willingly walk into it.

"Sometimes, it's the people that continually try to do right that do the most harm. Something about his defeatist tone freaks me the hell out." Alex stepped closer to Claire. "Good thing we got a little extra protection for ourselves." She nodded back at Claire's back and the spot where the henna symbol was.

Claire reached out to her and nodded to the door. "We need to go." Alex reached down and scooped up the duffle bag. She followed Claire out the door and into the dark.


	5. Chapter 5

The dreamscape before him was different than it had been before. The Impala was there in a little patch of sunlight. Everything else was darkness. Leaning against the hood was Cas. The land around was also punctuated in light. There were places where the darkness split open and light streamed down to the earth. It was quiet there. Around Cas and the Impala were trees, just outside of the light. It was as if they could not grow where the light was, which was odd. They almost seemed to be leaning away from the light. The branches spidered out of each from thick trunks. They seemed as though they were just waiting to reach out and snatch up anyone that happened to pass by.

Dean waited in his own patch of light, deciding how best to get to Cas. The trees on their own would be distressing enough, but there were things hanging from their branches too. Each of the trees had long straps tied at random to the various branches. Each strap was pulled taut to the earth with the dead weight of a single black bird. Some of the dead birds had their wings pressed close to their bodies in a type of embrace. Still others had their wings splayed out in wide open abandon, perhaps dreaming in death of flights that they would never be able to take. Dean took in a deep breath and strode with purpose to Cas and the Impala. "Sam is heading out to Jody's. He'll likely get to Claire within the hour." He spoke quickly as he reached the space next to Cas to mask the worry that he had as he passed the trees. They did not reach out to him as he thought that they might.

Cas turned to him then and smiled. "Good. Hopefully, he can help with the other issues that they will face."

"What other issues?" Dean leaned on the hood next to him. Their bodies lined up next to each other, no space between them.

Cas did not answer right away, but instead stared out at the trees. "The birds are telling us things."

"What are they telling us?" Dean looked away from Cas and out to the dead birds. He worried for a moment, because Cas had that tone that Dean remembered from when Cas had gone mad. Dean's fingers brushed along Cas' sleeve, feeling for the skin at his wrist, wanting to have some sort of contact that would keep them connected. Because Cas didn't answer right away, Dean repeated the question, "What are they telling us?"

"They tell the story of time and chaos. They tell of how it was and how it will be. No one is listening though." Cas kept watching the birds that seemed to swing about now from a little breeze.

"You are listening to them though. What happened to them? Why are they dead." Dean curled his fingers around Cas' wrist and held on.

Cas turned to him a little, still distracted by the swaying creatures. "They are telling too many stories at once. Can't you hear them?"

"No, Cas. I can't hear them." Dean pressed his fingers into Cas' skin a little more, thumb tracing out circles there. He wanted him to snap out of the odd disorientation that seemed to be overtaking him.

Cas pointed out to one of the trees and a large hanging bird with wings stretched out at its sides. "That one tells of the creation, of diving from the heavens into the primeval waters of chaos. It tells of dragging forth life from the depths of nothingness. Each pass into the depths brought forth more and more life to the surface, and also changed them. They were more like the host in the beginning, but the desire to bring order and life out of the chaos changed them. Being surrounded by chaos changed them."

Dean stared out at the wings that were spread out around the grand bird that Cas had been fixated upon. The wings were majestic in their own way. Dean feared them though. He feared them because they reminded him too much of Cas walking into that barn all those years ago, dark shadows of wings stretching out in his wake. He was strong then, but his time with Dean had changed him. Like the birds, Cas had been plunged into chaos too many times and had not come out of it the same. He thought about Cas' words and asked, "Were they angels?"

"They existed before my time, and they will not tell me everything." Cas twisted his hand around so that it rested in Dean's. For a moment, Dean thought that he was planning on pulling him away from the car. He didn't though. Instead, he spoke again as he pointed to another bird in another tree. "That one talks a lot. It almost drowns out the others." Cas' slender finger seemed to trace a path out to a smaller black bird that was twirling about on a long strap. Its wings were close to its chest.

"What does that one say?"

"He was a messenger for the gods. He shared truths and was burned to blackness as a punishment. He said that we will need them."

"They're dead, though." Dean felt odd even saying it, since Cas was seemingly talking with a bunch of them, but this was a dream, and he was looking for the ways that it might connect to something in their waking lives. And, as if in rebellion against Dean's words, all of the birds began flapping their wings in unison, pulling their bodies up to the sky. The straps holding them to the trees strained and stretched out as well. The birds pulled and pulled. A loud synchronized echo of caws pierced the dreamworld. Dean pressed closer to Cas. "What's happening?"

"I don't know, but that one knows me." He sounded more like himself in that moment. Cas pointed at a bird that was farther off. It's wings were not blackened like the others, but shone golden in the darkness. It sat perched on top of a tall tree. It stared at them with a ferocity that should have been frightening but, for some reason, wasn't. It was not tied to a tree. It tipped its head back and seemed to look up into the darkness. It let out a caw that was separate from the noises of the other birds. The sky above it opened up, and light poured down upon, not just the bird, but also the tree and the land beneath it. The light spread and grew brighter, whiter. Dean had to shield his eyes from it.

The darkness seemed to be trying to fight for purchase on the land, but instead it was pushed back more and more. Cracks in the earth formed, and the darkness pooled and rolled toward them. Dean closed his eyes just for a moment, too overwhelmed by the light, and when he opened them, everything was different. There was nothing but Cas and the Impala. Everything around them was just light.

"The darkness can be put back." Cas turned to him more now.

"What do you mean?" Dean let out a breath that he had not realized he was holding. Everything seemed to be pressing in on him.

"I mean that it is not a separate entity. We can't fight it. It is in us and around us. It is not a being." He looked off into the brightness, and then closed his eyes in concentration. "Sam's with Claire. They are fine." He opened his eyes again and looked to Dean.

"How do you know?"

"She prays. I always hear the prayers. They are preparing to go into the darkness. She and the other girl, Alex have marked themselves with a protective symbol. Something from Kali. I don't believe that she meant to tell me about that, but that knowledge might prove useful." Cas closed his eyes again, and the silence stretched out between them.

"When will you be able to wake up?" Dean had worried that it would be sometime before Cas would be okay again. He sounded more like himself though, now, and that made Dean hopeful.

"I'll wake when you do. I believe that I have settled the darkness that was in me. You will need to be prepared, though, in case I am wrong." Cas turned to him again. "You will need to be prepared to stop me if I am not me." Cas leveled his gaze on Dean in a way that was a command and not a request.

"You know I won't hurt you. I can't." Dean looked away like he was embarrassed by the admission. The admission was not just about ability, although that was certainly an issue. Cas was an angel after all. The admission was more about the fact that Dean would not willingly hurt Cas.  _I've hurt you enough for several lifetimes._

"You have to make sure that I don't hurt anyone. If that means trapping me, then you should not hesitate. I won't be hurt by that." Cas reached out then and turned Dean's face to him. "Promise me, or I will just stay this way. I don't have to come out of this, but I believe that I will be more useful to you awake."

Dean did not answer right away, but instead concentrated on the firm grip that Cas had on his jaw. Cas did not let him go. Dean nodded as if agreeing to what Cas wanted. That apparently wasn't enough, because Cas said, "I need to hear you promise."

"I promise." He didn't clarify on the terms of that promise, and he hoped that Cas wouldn't call him on that.

"I understand you Dean, and I expect you to put the world full of people before my safety. If you don't do that, then you are not keeping the promise that you just made." Cas clearly saw into Dean's thoughts a little. This made sense, since the whole dream was in his head too.

"I'll do what I must." Dean stepped away from Cas for a moment and toed at the gravel in front of the car. Dean did not know what he was capable of doing where Cas was concerned, but he knew that he couldn't hurt him. He let his mind wander over alternative plans that would involve containment or restraint. He hoped that Cas would see those thoughts and know that he could at least offer some help should the need arise. He felt Cas' hand come up to his shoulder. The press of his hand gave Dean some comfort and pulled him out of his thoughts. "Will you remember any of this when you wake up?"

"I always remember the dreams." Cas tipped his head to the side, seemingly contemplating the question more.

"You never talk about them. I mean, we've never talked about it." Dean noticed that Cas was still anchoring him, his hand still on his shoulder.

"I didn't believe that you would welcome that." He stopped speaking for a moment as he seemed to be trying to get a read on Dean. Dean knew that Cas was perhaps looking into his thoughts a bit more. He let his mind swim through moments that seemed peaceful, park benches, sandy beaches, lonesome docks on placid lakes. "Perhaps I was wrong." Cas just kept staring at Dean, studying the minutiae of his expressions and movements as if these parts of Dean were worth such scrutiny.

"No, you weren't wrong then. I just think that maybe I wouldn't mind it so much now." Dean studied Cas with the same intensity with which he was being studied. Cas' hand fell from his shoulder. It did not leave him though. Instead he felt it move back to his hand.

"Then, we will have much to discuss, you and I. For now, though, we should wake up and figure out what can be done to repair the damage that we have once again unleashed upon this world." Cas tipped his head back and seemed to be trying to see past the dream. Dean felt a tiny wash of guilt slide over him with Cas' words. The world was being thrown into chaos because of him. People were, in fact, dying at this moment because of him, maybe. He wasn't exactly certain about the ramifications of Death's demise.

The decisions that were made on his behalf carried too much weight. The guilty feelings were growing into something greater. Cas squeezed his hand. "Wake up, Dean." Dean blinked his eyes and found himself back in the bunker, in the dark with Cas' hand gripped tight at his side.

* * *

Claire sent out another quick prayer to Castiel before they left the panic room. Leaving the panic room had been frightening, but it was different from what Claire had expected. She thought that it would be like taking an unexpected plunge into a pool. She thought that it might feel a little like drowning, that awfulness that comes from sucking in a little water instead of the expected air. It seemed like it was that way for Jody and a little for Sam too. Alex was close to her as they dashed from the panic room to the cars. They split up at the vehicles and Claire hopped into Sam's car. They rode out at a brisk clip, careful, though to avoid the things that had been abandoned in the streets. Alex seemed to be confident as she ran to the car. Unlike Sam and Jody, neither of them seemed to be struggling with the darkness. Sam looked to her in the car, a little panic stretching out his features.

"Are you okay?" His voice a rasp of stress and what seemed to be pain. He weaved sharply into the oncoming lane. No one else was out driving. The world was dark, and frighteningly empty.

"Yes. Do you want me to drive?" She offered despite the fact that she had yet to get a license. Not that that fact mattered one bit.

"Yes." Sam whipped the car over to the shoulder and swapped places with her.

Claire glanced back out of the rearview mirror, looking for Jody and Alex. She could see headlights in the distance and felt slightly comforted. She looked to Sam, to see if he was ready. He was breathing heavily. She shifted into drive and sped back out onto the road. She drove onward toward Jody's house. Sam tucked his head down and seemed to be taking deep gulps of air. "Are you okay?" She reached over to him, pressing her hand into the space between his shoulders.

"I'll be okay." He seemed to be struggling for air. "How are you not feeling this?" He slowly turned to face her from his bent over position.

"I don't know. Maybe it doesn't want me." She pressed the accelerator down more, and the engine roared out as they barreled down the road.

"It has gotten worse. I hardly felt it when I was driving to you, but now, it is overwhelming. I feel like it is crushing me." She whipped the car into a swift turn onto the little lane that stretched out to Jody's home, her home now too. The gravel beneath the tires spit up into the wheelwell, making a stormy sound like hail on a tin roof. The house had been layered in protective sigils and markings. Jody was careful. She hoped that it would be enough. She hoped that it would give them the barrier that they needed between the darkness and themselves. She shut off the engine and rushed to Sam's side of the car. She threw open the door and tried to help him out. He was tall and nearly dead weight. She did not think that she would be able to get him into the house.

Jody's car slid to a stop behind her. Alex had been driving. She shouted over to Claire. "Come help me get Jody into the house. Something's wrong." Claire let go of Sam and rushed to Alex's side. Jody was slumped over in the passenger's seat. Claire reached in and pulled her from the car. Alex got to the other side of her and together they carried her into the house.

"Come help me with Sam. He's too heavy to carry alone." Claire was not sure that they could even accomplish it together, but they had to try. Alex nodded and together they rushed back out to Sam, who was still laying on the ground. They both bent down and tried to lift him. They had his arms thrown up over their shoulders. His body was dragging though as they struggled forward.

"Come on, Sam. You have to help us. Come on." Claire tried to urge him into a standing position. His head lulled to the side a little like he had completely lost consciousness. His legs were flung out behind him, toes to the earth. They dragged him forward, inch by nerve wracking inch. They got to the steps and heaved forward with as much strength as they could muster. Claire let go and moved to grab both of his arms to pull him the rest of the way. Alex took one of his arms and pulled along with her. They got him up the steps and into the house. Alex let him go to check on Jody. Claire pulled Sam more into the house and closed the door. She rolled him onto his back and bent down low to check for breathing. "He's breathing. Is Jody breathing?"

"Yeah. Her pulse is hammering though. How 'bout Sam's?" Alex looked over at her with her fingers pressed to the pulse point in Jody's neck.

"Same," she said after a few moments with her own fingers to Sam's neck. "What should we do?"

"I don't know. She just started shaking in the car, like something was hurting her. She grabbed her head and we almost went off the road. I didn't feel anything though."

"Me either." Claire wondered how that was possible. She watched Alex scoop up Jody's head into her lap. She was brushing her fingers through her hair and murmuring something down into her ear.

"She has to be okay." Alex was muttering as she kept rocking back and forth with Jody. "She has to be okay."

"She'll be okay. They both will be okay. They're too strong to get taken down." Claire said it almost more for herself than for anyone. She reached out to Alex though and took her hand. "They'll be okay; I promise." Alex squeezed her hand back and looked back down at Jody.

"I think that Kali was watching over us." It was said quietly, but Claire heard it, and she believed it.

"You might be right. We should tell Jody about it when she wakes up." Claire leveled a gaze at Alex that she hoped would dissuade her from arguing the point.

"Okay." She agreed quickly.

The night pressed onward. They dragged Jody and Sam closer together and laid down on the floor next to them. Claire prayed to Castiel first, then to God, then to Kali. She figured that she would cover all of her bases that way. Alex was snoring away at her side, her head pressed close to Jody's. For all of her bravado and cavalier attitude, Alex certainly seemed to care a great deal about Jody's well-being.

Claire watched her sleep with a bit of drowsiness taking over her own body. She did not want to sleep, though. She worried that someone needed to watch them. So she fought the feeling as much as she could. Jody's jacket began buzzing. Claire reached over and pulled out her phone without waking Alex up. The name on the screen was someone named Donna. Claire chose to answer it.

Before she could even speak, a voice shot out at her, "Jody, are you finally answering?"

"This isn't Jody. It's Claire. Sorry. Jody is a bit unconscious right now." She wasn't sure if she should be sharing this with a stranger, but it seemed like it couldn't hurt. Alex was awake and reaching out for the phone. "Uh, here's Alex," She said as she passed the phone over.

She was only getting half of the conversation, but she felt like she was putting the pieces together. When Alex hung up she said, "Donna's gonna come here. Said that she was planning to make the trek out anyway, but with Jody down, it seemed like she should get here faster. She said that the darkness hasn't affected her, so maybe she will be okay coming here."

"Who is she?"

"Friend of Jody's. She knows about the supernatural stuff. She's your kind of person." Alex pushed the phone back into Jody's coat.

"What do you mean by my kind of person?" Claire watched her.

"You know, a happy little ray of sunshine." Alex smirked.

"Yep, that's me. A fucking pile of happy." Claire looked down at Sam and then back at Jody and Alex. "You should watch them for a bit while I get a little sleep."

"Okay. I'll wake you up if anything changes." Alex shifted into a sitting position that had her leaning against the back of the couch. Claire laid back out on the carpet next to Sam. She felt the sleep taking over. It had been a long night or day or whatever it had been. It was all just night now. The swarming darkness, the fear, the chaos, that was all that there seemed to be now. She reached out to Sam and rested a hand on his shoulder. She hoped that he would make it back.  _He seemed to be one of the good ones,_ she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes up. Claire and Sam have a chat. Plans are made.

Dean did not move immediately, but he did release an audible gasp as he woke up, eyes shooting open to the dark ceiling. Cas' hand squeezed his, the first sign that he was not as he had been. "You okay, Cas?"

"Um." Cas shifted next to him, but he did not release Dean's hand. Dean started to reach back for the light on his nightstand, but Cas pulled at his hand to keep him where he was.

"No light then, I guess." Dean squeezed Cas' hand back, letting him feel that he was there. "Talk to me."

"I feel strange." Cas' voice seemed lower than usual. Dean frowned into the dark, shifting onto his side to face him.

"Are you okay?" Their hands were still clasped as if neither one felt safe letting go.

"Rowena has taken some of my grace. It has weakened me a little. The darkness is not helping." Cas moved into a sitting position. Dean sat up too.

"Just how weakened are you?"

"Not sure." There was a little light coming from the desk lamp but not much. Dean's eyes adjusted to the dark just well enough to see that Cas had closed his eyes.

While he concentrated, Dean had to ask, "So, you and Sam did something stupid involving Rowena and the Mark, huh?"

Cas' eyes opened. "That appears to be the case." He let out an unnecessary sigh just to let Dean know his feelings on that.

"So, did all that concentrating tell you that you are all right?"

"I'll live." Dean couldn't help but to cringe with that prognosis.

"What do you mean, I'll live? What kind of bullshit answer is that?" Dean let go of his hand now, irritation his primary emotion.  _Why couldn't they just listen to him when he told them not to try to save him? Now Cas was hurt and the world was dark. Nothing good could come off this. Why did they have to ignore my wishes?_

"You were perfectly willing to ignore my wishes." Cas squinted at him as he responded to Dean's thoughts.

"Hey, what the Hell? Stop peeking in my head." Dean put his hands on his head as if that could block Cas' entry.

"Just testing the damage to my grace. You asked if I was okay." Cas sounded like he was trying to be reasonable.

"Shut-up. You were just being invasive." Dean popped off of the bed, turned on the room light, and proceeded to pace the room.

Cas got up as well, albeit much more slowly. "I don't get your irritation. I've literally been communicating with you in dreams for the last couple of nights. Why is this any different?"

Dean felt his irritation fall away and a new emotion took hold. Now he was worried, worried about conversations that he wasn't ready for. The world was a mess, Cas was injured, and he felt that he was the cause. Now was no time to complicate things, yet here was Cas, complicated Cas. "It's just different," he said with an undercurrent of exasperation.

"Hmm." Cas turned from him on the hum and faced the bed. "I guess that some things haven't changed." He turned back to Dean then, his face a mask of stoicism, but Dean could see something else there, disappointment, sadness.

"Wrong, Cas. Everything has changed." He closed his eyes for a moment and continued while not looking at Cas, "When people care about me, they do stupid things, because I'm cursed. Seriously, I am responsible for killing Death and for unleashing darkness on the world. Nothing else matters now except that I need to fix this." He waved his arms out at his sides.

"Wrong, Dean. We need to fix this. I'm just as responsible." Dean started to interrupt him, but Cas held up a hand and stopped him. "No, Dean. You can argue, I'm sure, that this is all you, just as Sam can argue that this is all him. I can argue that it's all me. Maybe we are all right." Cas took a wary step toward Dean. "Maybe it's none of us though. Maybe all of this has just been some manipulation to get us all to this point."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe, God, or someone has set us all on this seemingly destructive path for a greater purpose. Perhaps all of our actions have been part of a plan." Cas made eye contact and didn't break the gaze.

"That sounds a lot like fate, and I thought that we decided long ago that we were team free will." Dean moved closer to Cas. It was an unconscious move. They were always drifting closer to each other, though, drawing what strength and comfort from each other that they could.

"I'm not so sure that the grand plans of a higher power can be ignored merely because we want to believe that our choices matter. I believe that that is called hubris, and we all keep thinking that our actions can change the path, but it is far more likely that the path is as it has always been, part of a larger plan." Cas' shoulders slumped down, a very human gesture. "There are things that have lead me here, emotions, feelings, experiences, things that have made my grace the exact thing that Rowena needed. No other angel would have worked. I can't believe that it was all just an accident."

"Pardon my asking, but what made you so special?"

"Everything. You, Dean. But you've made it abundantly clear that we won't be talking about that, so... " He looked away from Dean's face again.

"Hmm, then it's like I said. People care about me and it leads to them getting hurt." Dean sat back down on the bed again and pressed the balls of his palms into his eyes. He felt the bed slump next to him and a hand pressed to his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm sorry for always landing you in a world of hurt. I'm sorry about all of it." Dean chanced a glance at Cas' face remembering the hurt that he had caused with his own hands. He looked away again. He had to.

"Maybe I don't mind the hurt so much. Maybe to me, the things that you carry so much guilt over, are not the sorts of things that have hurt me. I think that you need a different perspective." Dean looked up at him then and saw Cas' sincerity. Cas' hand still sat firmly on his shoulder, his thumb moving slightly back and forth. Occasionally, it would brush past his collar to the skin at the base of Dean's neck. Dean took some comfort from the moment and closed his eyes again.

"I know that we need to get on with the research. We aren't helping anyone if we just keep sitting here." Dean took in a long breath and got up. "There's a perspective change for you."

Cas got up too and said, "As you wish." Dean stalked out of the room, and Cas followed him. He would always follow him, and perhaps that was just his fate.

* * *

Claire woke up on the floor with Alex snoring away at her side. She felt oddly peaceful until she noticed that they were alone. Sam and Jody were no longer on the floor. She could hear their voices though, so she eased up off of the floor without disturbing Alex.

She edged along the short hall toward the dining room and kitchen. Jody was talking. "So, does this mean that Dean is okay now?"

"For now. You know how he tends to think that everything is his fault. He's likely beating himself up over all of this, the darkness and all." She could hear something shifting around, the scrape of a chair on the hardwood floor. Sam continued talking, "Plus, Cas is maybe not okay. Dean's never going to forgive me if Cas doesn't get through this. It's already bad enough between us since I'm responsible for Charlie's death."

"What happened to her?" Jody was using her mom voice. Claire recognized it from one of their early conversations. At that time, Jody was trying to make her feel like she was a part of a family still, even with the deaths of nearly everyone she had loved.

She sent out a tiny prayer to Castiel.  _You better be okay._  She waited for the little pulse that had been returned to her after each of her prayers. She hoped that he would have some way of letting her know that he was okay.

Sam was telling Jody about some vicious men that had killed their friend. Dean had apparently killed all of them in a rather brutal fashion. Sam sounded like he had found the situation upsetting. Claire couldn't bring herself to the same conclusion. It sounded to her like they had gotten what they deserved.

She was about to make her presence known when Sam asked, "So, why weren't the girls affected by the darkness?"

"I don't know. Perhaps we should just ask them" Claire hadn't heard it, but Jody had gotten up apparently she had known that she was there, eavesdropping. Jody's head looked around the corner. "So, are you interested in joining us, Claire, or should I just keep pretending that you are are not here?"

"Well, Jode, if you don't mind pretending, I was getting set some good info." Claire donned an over large grin.

"Get in here super spy." Jody practically pushed Claire in ahead of her. "So, how did you and Alex escape the torments of the darkness?" Claire wasn't sure that she wanted to answer without Alex. It felt like a betrayal somehow. But Jody pressed on with, "Spill. If Sam and I are going to be safe, we need to know what we can do to protect ourselves. So spill."

"We aren't sure, but we think that it was the symbols. Particularly, we think that it was Kali."

"Didn't I tell you girls that I thought that using symbols that you don't understand was too risky? Didn't I tell you both, point blank, not to mark yourselves with her symbols until we could do more research?" She waited for a moment, all indignant, hand on her hips. Sam was watching it all, trying not to laugh.

"Ah, come on Jody. No harm, no foul." He offered up.

"Not helping, Sam." She barely turned to him.

"I should say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. It worked. And you didn't say, point blank that we couldn't do it." Claire took on a look of defiance.

"I'm not saying that it didn't work, or that it was wrong. I'm saying that you did not follow my directions, and you kept it a secret. That's how dangerous shit happens. Just ask Sam, here. Secrets kill." Jody didn't see the look on Sam's face, but Claire did. He got up, bobbed his head in a curt nod, and went out to the porch.

"I'm sorry, Jody. We felt desperate like nothing could solve this. The risk felt reasonable." She was ringing her hands now. "You're right though, secrets get people killed. Won't happen again."

"Good." Jody reached out to her and cupped her cheek in her hand. "I care about you girls. I need to know that you are both always okay. We've all seen enough death, known enough loss for a lifetime." Normally, Claire would shrug off a moment like this. Instead, she hugged Jody. It seemed like in those last few words, she had revealed more of her loss. Her tone seemed like it was full of hurt. Jody released her, and, resting her hands on Claire's shoulders said, "Get something to eat. I'm gonna go bug Alex about the markings and the lying."

"Oh, uh, speaking of secrets, your friend Donna is on her way here too." Claire walked over to the fridge to rummage for food.

"Oh, when is she going to get here?"

"Not sure. She just said that she was coming. We warned her about the darkness and how it was interacting with you and Sam. She said that it hadn't affected her." Claire grabbed the milk and opened it, smelling the top to see if it was still okay.

"Well, maybe I should call her and make sure she's okay. Wonder what she is doing to protect herself from the darkness. Maybe she and Alex have been talking."

"Maybe, they seemed cozy on the phone." Claire shrugged and pulled out a bowl with little cats on the rim. They reminded her of the present that Cas had gotten for her. She dumped a heaping pile of cereal into it and splashed the milk on top. Jody walked out to the living room.

Claire turned to the window that would have looked out on the front yard if there had been sunlight to illuminate it. Instead the little porch light was on, and she could see Sam's silhouette as he leaned on the porch railing. Claire decided to eat her cereal out there. When she stepped out onto the porch, Sam turned from the dark front yard to look at her. "Claire," he acknowledged her.

"Sam," she acknowledged back. She walked to the corner post and popped herself up onto the railing. She sat with her back pressed against the post. She balanced the cereal bowl on her knees and ate. She scooped up several big spoonfuls before Sam spoke again.

"So, you liking it out here?" Sam turned to her, leaning into the other porch post.

"It's been fine. Jody's good people. Alex is okay too." Claire would not have admitted so much in front of Alex, but with just Sam, it seemed like an okay admission to make. "So, you really worried about Cas?"

"He's gotten through worse. I hope that he'll be okay. None of us need to lose anymore people." He stared off into the darkness, his voice carrying a low hum of sorrow.

"Yeah, Jody said pretty much the same thing in there. Cas isn't people though. He's an angel, and that might make all the difference." She scooped up another spoonful, and the silence took over. Normally on a night like this, there would be noises, forest creatures scurrying out in the woods or the occasional slap of a bug smacking into the window screens as they rush headlong toward the light inside. Jody use to live in town, but after she took in Alex, she sold her home there and moved them both out into the sticks. They had wanted to live a little removed from people. They weren't exactly completely secluded, but it was certainly more private than the home in the suburbs that Jody had before. The little stretch of woodland and the long dirt road gave them a certain level of privacy.

Sam interrupted her thoughts, "I keep thinking that I should head back to help, but I don't know what I would do there." The admission felt odd. Claire and Sam weren't exactly friends, but she guessed that everyone needed to have someone to talk to.

"What were you doing before you left?" Claire set the bowl down on the railing and kicked her legs off over the side.

"Researching the darkness, trying to learn what I could about it." He ran a hand up through his hair and added, "I don't think that I was doing much good though. I think that I was just making Dean uncomfortable."

"How so?"

"He needed to be there for Cas, and my presence was making him feel self-conscious, I think. He just seemed to be on edge."

"Because he is in love with Cas?" Claire watched Sam's face for a reaction.

He looked like he was considering the words before he answered. "Yeah, maybe. Not sure if he even knows that. I just know that I needed to leave, so that he could feel whatever he was feeling without me looming over his shoulders."

"The research is necessary though. We need to understand what is happening, what needs to be done to fix this." Claire wiggled her fingers off toward the darkness. "For instance, it is odd that there are places that it cannot hurt, or people that seem to be immune."

"There does seem to be some protections afforded to us. Did you see the patches of light when you were out there?"

"Yeah, one on the edge of town. Saw it just after you became unconscious. I didn't think about it much though. I had bigger issues to worry about." Claire rested her hand on the railing and absentmindedly picked at the bit of splintering wood there. "You thinking that it's worth a closer look?"

"Yeah, I need to see it for myself, but I can't risk getting hit with another darkness wammy. You think that you might want to go with? You know, just in case I need a driver." Sam raised an eyebrow with the question. "Of course, we need to ask Jody first. Wouldn't want her to think that I had kidnapped you or anything."

"I am eighteen, Sam. You were there for my birthday." She laughed a little though. "Of course we'll tell her. She would want to know, and I don't want to keep secrets from her." Claire slipped off of the railing now and stared out into the darkness.

Sam eventually spoke again, "Can you show me this so-called super symbol that Alex put on you? Seems like maybe I might need one for myself before all of this is over."

Claire lifted her shirt a little and turned so that he could see the spot that Alex had marked on her lower back. "Got this one too." She held out her hand and showed him the anti-possession symbol.

"Hmm." Sam went back to studying the symbol on her back more. "You said that it was a symbol of Kali?"

"Yeah, Alex did. I don't know much beyond what she told me."

"It seems older than the stuff that I have encountered on her. I looked into her a bit some time ago. We met her during an apocalypse." Sam let her shirt go and went back to leaning against the post.

Claire mirrored his posture. "You say that like it's no big thing. You know, just met a powerful goddess during one of many apocalypses. Is that even a word  _apocalypses_?"

"In my life it is a word. I think that most would view it as a singular event. But, yeah, Dean and I met her and a number of other gods during our fight with Lucifer. It did not end well. She was rather volatile. I would be worried about wholeheartedly trusting her." Sam picked away at the railing.

"It seemed to work out in our favor though. You think that maybe she is not so fond of this darkness thing? I mean, it seems like most gods or goddesses would like to have power and such. The darkness seems to be rather all consuming." Claire watched him for a reaction.

He squinted out into the dark. "Yeah, maybe. I need to look into it more. You think that Alex would mind sharing the book with me for a bit?"

"Nah, she might see you as a potential ally in the possible war with Jody over this little thing."

Sam's eyes panned over the yard and around the perimeter of the house. "Jody must have done quite a bit to ward this place. It's almost like the darkness stops at the fence line a little. I mean, it's still dark, but it's different."

"She and Alex did it before my time. She talked about it a little. Told me that she got a list of symbols from you and she and Alex spent a solid weekend laying them out everywhere. The house isn't the only place with them. She used them in the panic room too. That's why it was safe for us there." She drummed away at the railing now as if she was hearing music in her head. "Maybe we should try putting them in the cars. You know, warding them might help."

"That's not a bad idea. Did she ward the carport over there? If so, we can have you or Alex move the cars into that space so Jody and I can help." Sam cracked his knuckles in anticipation of the on-coming work.

"Yeah, she warded all of the property. Maybe, though, we should ward your car and then let them work on the other while you and I go check out the light spot."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's go tell Jody." Sam stalked back into the house, and Claire followed him, carrying her now empty bowl. As she walked in she felt a slight pulse of energy surge through her.  _Cas. You okay?_  And the pulse came through again, a type of reassurance. She smiled and felt a bit more confidence that they could fight this and maybe win. There was no good reason to really feel this, but she did.


	7. Chapter 7

They had spent a few hours sitting at the table together, books spread out in the space between them. Cas had been reading from a large book on various creation stories. He was looking for commonalities. He had also spent a fair amount of time reading up on Kali. Dean had asked why she warranted so much attention, but Cas just waved him off saying something about how he just needed to know some things.

Dean eventually remembered that he had promised Sam that he would call if anything changed. It wasn't that he really forgot, as much as he was still fostering some old irritations where Sam was concerned. He was trying not to blame him, but it was hard. He even imagined that had the situation been reversed, that he would have done many of the same things.

The difference though was that he thought that they had both learned from their past mistakes, that they didn't lie to each other anymore. "Gonna call Sam, check in and let him know you're okay." Dean pulled out his phone and started to pull up the contacts.

"Check on Claire too while you're at it. She's been worried." Cas glanced up at him then turned back to his book.

"How do you know that?"

Cas shrugged. "I told you about this in one of your dreams. I sense prayers and longing. It is how I can always find you despite the wardings and such. In Claire's case, she was praying. Earlier she was worrying."

"So, you hear more than prayers?" Dean felt the urge to avert his eyes, but he didn't. Instead he started steadily at Cas as he answered.

"I do. Much more." He paused and looked back to his book and then added, "especially from you."

Dean went back to focusing on his book for a moment before remembering that he totally had a phone conversation that could serve as a distraction. He pulled up Sam's name and hit the call button. Sam answered on the first ring. "Dean, everything okay? Cas okay?" He sounded worried, and Dean felt a little guilty for not calling sooner. Dean switched Sam over to speaker phone.

"We're fine. Cas is awake. Say hello, Cas."

Cas said, "Hello, Cas."

"Dumb, shit." Dean smiled though at Cas' little joke and Cas smiled back.

"Oh, thank God. Glad you're back, Cas."

"Glad to be back. How's Claire?" Cas had his hands resting flat on the table as if he would use them to propel himself from the table if Sam even hinted at Claire needing him.

"She's right here. She's fine. Say hello, Claire."

"Hello, Claire." She laughed a little and Cas seemed to visibly relax.

"So, you are okay then?" Cas' fingers curled up a little. Dean catalogued each move.

"I'm fine, Cas. It's not like I've been the unconscious one for the past couple of days." Claire sounded a little exasperated.

"It was a necessary break. My body had to recover a bit. I'm fine now." His response covered none of the realities of the situation and seemed to only be offered up as comfort for Claire. "What are you doing? I sense that you are a little anxious." Cas was watching the phone as if he could see clear to Claire.

"Sam and I will be going to one of the patches of light that we found here in Sioux Falls. I'm his back up if the darkness makes him go all wonky again."

Dean jumped in then, "What do you mean by all wonky again? What happened?"

"Stop stressing, Dean. I'm fine. It's like the darkness has power surges. I was mostly fine driving here, but then when we left Bobby's panic room, there was a surge. It hit Jody and I hard. The girls were not affected so they drove us home."

"What are you going to do if it happens again?" Cas' voice was stern.

Claire responded, "We've spent the last hour warding the car that Sam stole. Alex and Jody are doing the same with her car. The wards seemed to work great on the house and the panic room, so they should hold up on the car. "

Cas' brows seemed to come together in concentration. "Sam, I expect you to protect Claire. Do not put her in harm's way. Not even a little."

"We're on the same page, Cas. If anything, I am the only one that should be at risk. The darkness is really not doing a thing to the girls. Right now even, I can feel it humming away all around me, even though I'm in the warded region. Claire and Alex, though, they don't seem to feel any of it."

"That true, Claire?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, we marked ourselves with symbols that bind us to Kali. She's been protecting us." Claire admitted it all in a rush.

"Send us a picture of the markings so that we can research them here," Dean said.

"Will do." Then Sam paused. "Just a second. someone's calling. "Gotta go. Linda Tran's calling me."

"Well, there's a voice out of the past. Let me know what she wanted. Talk to you later." Dean reached for the phone and ended the call.

"Do you think the binding symbols are dangerous?" Cas looked concerned.

"I don't know. They were protected, so it is hard to view them as dangerous." Dean put the phone in his pocket. "I wonder what LInda wants. I mean we haven't talked with her in nearly a year, maybe more, come to think of it."

Cas looked back down at the page and then up to Dean. "Should we go to them?"

"Claire will be fine, Cas."

"Should we go to them?" He repeated it in earnest.

"I think that they need us to look up the symbols and the darkness. We have the best resources here." Dean started to reach across the table toward Cas' hand. He diverted from his path a little and gave Cas' arm a pat instead. "Let's give them a day, and if they sound like they need us, we'll go to them."

Cas stared at Dean like he was trying to get a read on him. "Why are you worried about going there?"

"Are you reading my thoughts again?"

"No. If I was, I wouldn't need to ask you why you were worried." Cas sounded irritated. He pulled his arm off of the table. Dean's hand had come to a rest on it after the comforting pat. Now it just sat empty on the table.

"Sorry, I just think that they don't need us." Dean looked away, not wanting to confirm what he was feeling.

"And?" Cas prodded.

"And nothing, Cas."

"And something, Dean. Talk to me."

"I don't want to bring trouble to them. I'm worried that my being there could get them hurt."

Cas' eyes came to a squint. "How so?"

"It always ends badly for the people around me. If I were less selfish, I'd send you away too. Instead, I just keep pulling people that I care about into my orbit, and they inevitably die or suffer or both. I don't want that for Jody or the girls. They deserve better." Dean couldn't look at him, but he looked back when he felt Cas' hand come up to rest on his own.

"I understand. Sometimes I feel like I am the curse that needs to go away." He looked sad as he said it.

Dean felt his chest tighten a little.  _How could he think that any of this was his curse to bare?_  "You are not the curse. It isn't you that keeps on getting people killed. In fact, you have been more prone toward saving people. You certainly have brought me back a time or two. You also keep helping Sam through the rough patches." Dean got up then and strode over to the other side of the table. When he got to Cas, though, he just stood there looking down at him.

"It's good of you to say, but I know my role in this life. I have done so much damage all in the name of doing the right or noble thing. They say the road to Hell is paved in good intentions. Well, my intentions have been good, but I am certainly on the road to Hell."

"Well, Cas, you've been there before, so maybe it won't be so bad. I imagine you'll have me around to keep you company." He adopted a light tone. His lips quirked up into a slight grin. Cas looked up at him a little confused.

"Sometimes, like now, I don't know what to make of you." Cas looked away then, back at the book.

Dean placed his hand on Cas' shoulder. "I was just making a joke. I don't think that you are on a path to Hell. I think that you are still an angel of the Lord, so you have no business in Hell. Not to mention, I wouldn't let that happen."

"There would be nothing you could do. Plus, I'm only speaking metaphorically. Angels don't actually go to Hell when they cease existing on this plane." Dean kneaded a little into Cas' shoulder hoping to impart some grounding to him in the effort.

"No matter what happens, no matter where you go, I hope that you know that I, we, Sam and I, we would want you here. If you got sent somewhere else. I'd find you and bring you back." There was silence then. If one listened closely enough, one could hear the distant noise of the fridge in the kitchen, the fans that ran on the massive computer down the hall, the hum of electricity powering the lights. None of that was as loud to Dean though as the noise of the blood rushing into his ears, the roar of it deafening in the kind of silence that stretched out between them.

"So, you would grip me tight and raise me from metaphorical perdition?" Cas grinned at him now, and the spell was broken or changed. The air between them became lighter somehow, less charged with all of the potential.

"Yes, metaphorically, I would." Dean grinned back. Cas stood up. The charge returned. The room felt like it was pressing them closer, but really Cas was just standing close to him. Dean didn't retreat. He also maintained contact with him. His hand ran down Cas' arm a little and stopped just below his elbow. The hum of lights and distant appliances became something to focus upon. Dean let the roar in his ears mingle with that focus while he stared at Cas, so close that a small move forward would change so much. On a breath he let slip, "Cas." It was almost like a question, a what if I just told you everything I was thinking using only your name type of question. The world hummed out around them. Cas was a humming bit of energy too. Dean could feel that. It was like a surge of power that pressed out to him and through him. Cas reached up to him and placed his hand on Dean's cheek.

"Dean." This too was spoken like a question. And Dean thought that it might be possible to just say everything to each other that needed to be said using only their names. When Cas said his name, he felt the affection there that was part of the hum and surge of feelings around them and in them. When he said Cas' name it was barely concealed desire and hope. He decided in a moment that he would move and change everything. His lips parted a little in anticipation. The lights flickered, then they went out.

"What the Hell just happened? You do that, Cas?" Dean had a slight flashback to the time that Cas had told him to pull his finger thus destroying all the lights in the tiny hospital room.

"No, I had nothing to do with that." Cas moved, though, and placed his hand at Dean's back. "Apparently, the electricity is no longer making its way to us."

"Guess people aren't exactly going to their jobs at the power plants and such. Only a matter of time before everything else goes to complete and utter Hell." There was a distant clicking sound, then a whir of fans, then the electricity flickered back on. Dean could hear the power coming back on throughout the bunker. "Generators kicked in. We might want to consider saving that energy for as long as possible. Don't know how long it will last."

"Maybe we should head to Sam and Claire, turn all of this off while we're gone." Cas stepped away a little, still keeping his hand a little on Dean though. In this moment Dean seemed to forget all of the reasons that he had for not going.

"Maybe. Let's check the symbols that Sam sent and ward the car against the darkness. We should pack some of the books to take with us too."

"Agreed. I'll take care of the books; you take care of the car." Cas turned to the stacks of books laid out on the table and began sorting through them for the most useful ones. Dean turned and headed for the garage. He pulled out his phone as he went, pulling up the message that Sam had sent with the images. Dean felt the distance growing between them with each step. As he reached the garage, he felt the little surge though, the warming rush of energy that could only be Cas. It filled him and made him feel like not everything was going to Hell. His empty hand clenched into a fist. He raised it to his chest and held it there, closing his eyes as he did so.

"Right back at you," he said out to the air around him. The surge that followed told him that Cas heard him and understood.

* * *

Claire stood next to the now warded car and smiled at their handiwork. "Looks good, Winchester."

"Right back at you, Novak." Sam laughed and tossed the paint markers into the back seat. "We should weapon up before heading out, and check in with Jody and Alex."

"Sounds good," Claire said as she turned toward the house.

Jody was walking over though with Alex. "Hey, y'all ready to eat? I threw together some lunch for us. Figured you might need it before this little scouting mission of yours."

"God, you must be a mind reader. I'm starving." Sam smiled, and, despite the fact that the only light was coming from a small overhead bulb, he looked warm like summer. Everything else had a pale ghostly hue to it. He moved past Claire toward Jody and snaked an arm around her waist as they walked back to the house together.

Alex strode up to Claire and leaned into a whisper, "So, thanks for throwing me under the bus earlier."

"I so didn't." Claire's brows came together with the denial.

"Yeah, so I guess that Jody just magically figured out that we powered up with the Kali symbols."

"No, I told her. I didn't throw you under the bus, though. I took my share of the blame." Claire stopped walking and leveled her gaze on Alex. Alex stopped walking.

"Well, next time, you should give a girl a little warning. No one likes to be woken up by an angry Jody." They turned back to the house and resumed walking, albeit slower than Sam and Jody.

Claire nodded toward them. "So, are they a thing?"

"Not that I know of. Jody is like not much for the dating scene. Heard she had a particularly bad blind date in the past and she has never gone back to the pool so to speak."

"Sam wouldn't exactly be a blind date." Claire fiddled with a strand of her hair, twirling it around her finger.

"I still think that they are just friends. I think that maybe Jody might already have someone else in mind." Alex waved Claire ahead of her into the house.

"Really? Who?" Claire tried to recall anyone standing out over the last month that she had spent with them. No one stood out though.

"That's not for me to tell. No one you've met yet though." Alex smiled a knowing grin as she headed into the house. They joined Sam and Jody at the table and dug into their lunches. Jody had made a vat of mac-n-cheese along with some sandwiches.

"Figured we'd need to use up the bread before it went bad. Not sure if the stores have much in them anymore." Jody scooped up a forkful of the cheesy noodles and smiled around the bite. "This might be the last time you all get mac-n-cheese."

"Nah, you got like ten more boxes of the stuff in the pantry, Jodes." Alex laughed. "You're just covering up your mac-n-cheese obsession."

Claire chimed in, "Still it wouldn't hurt to do a supply run for some canned food and stuff. I mean, it is going to get worse out there. People are likely already acting crazy."

Sam said, "Maybe we can try to add that to our little after lunch trek. I promised Cas that you would be safe though, so I'm not sure that I like the idea of sending you into a store or anything unprotected."

"I'll have weapons. Plus, I'm a badass. No one will mess with me." Claire smiled across the table at Sam and then she caught Jody's look.

"I don't want you to do that." Jody's voice was low and deep with concern. "It's one thing to have to kill a monster. It's another thing entirely to have to kill a human. You'll be dealing with humans out there, not monsters. Yeah, they'll be messed up from the darkness, but they'll still be human. I don't want you carrying the weight of that type of decision on your shoulders."

"Do you have a better plan for how we get food and supplies then, Jody?" Claire almost called her Jodes, but she didn't want to mock her concern. She did think though that she should do the supply run. She planned to convince Sam that it was the right choice even if it seemed like Jody would be unmoved.

"We'll figure something out. We aren't desperate yet. Just do the light recon and come back. That's about all I think that I can stomach for your girls at this point."

"Jody, you know that we can handle more, right. You can't protect us from everything." Alex reached over and rested a hand on her shoulder. It was a tender move that did not seem to be in character for Alex. She looked over at Claire and quickly dropped her hand, as if she were trying to preserve some last vestige of her tough girl exterior.

"I know. I just need to protect you both from the world for as long as I can, and I think that I can protect you both for a little longer if you'll let me."

Sam said, "We'll respect your wishes Jody. We'll just do the recon and then come back." He gave Claire a pointed look, and she nodded in response.

"Okay Jody," she added. Then she noticed Jody look up past her. Jody's face lit up with a full toothy grin.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." Jody got up and Claire turned to see what had caught Jody's attention.

"Thought I had just walked into a funeral. No one died, right?" The woman had long blond hair pulled back into a simple ponytail. She returned Jody's smile with the same level of toothiness. Her eyes wrinkled up at the edges with the effort of her smiling.

Jody got up and walked over to the woman, and Sam followed. "So good to see you, Donna." She gave her a quick hug, that Donna didn't let her escape right away. Then she turned to Sam.

"Well, long time no see, Sam. How've you been?" He hugged her and she returned it with the same enthusiasm that she gave to Jody.

"Still alive. It's good to see you too, Donna." Sam stepped back next to Jody.

"Well, you all need to introduce me to the new member of the family." Donna pressed past them to the table and looked down at Claire.

Alex stood up then and Donna gave her a quick hug. Alex spoke into Donna's shoulder. "This is Claire. She's annoying. I'm still your favorite."

Donna laughed. "Like you care a lick about that status." She turned to Claire next and held out a hand. "I suppose that we should meet properly before you join the hug club." Claire shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Claire."

"Nice to meet you too, Donna." Claire got the words out just before Donna pulled her up into a hug.

"There you go. You're officially in the hug club now." She let Claire go and turned back to Jody and Sam. "So, how 'bout that weather we're having out there. Those are some dark clouds aren't they?"

Sam chuckled a little and ran his hand up through his hair. Jody grabbed another chair from its spot on the wall under the phone. She beckoned Donna over to it. Everyone sat back down. "Yeah, I may have trusted the wrong people and that may have caused some of this." Sam couldn't make eye contact. He picked at the sandwich in front of him, making the corner into a mess of crumbs. Jody gave his other arm a little pat.

"We'll fix this, Sam. We always do. Only now you have some extra back-up." She looked over at Donna and smiled adding, "So, how did you get here without the darkness making you all wonky?"

"Wonky?" Donna raised an eyebrow in consideration. "You're picking up on Alex's lingo." She smiled. "Guess I picked up on some things from Alex too." She pushed her sleeve back and revealed a mark that Claire was all too familiar with, Kali's symbol.

Jody took in a breath and said, "Did you even question it, or did you just operate on blind trust?"

"Blind trust." Donna smiled over at Alex who looked quite smug in the moment.

"See, Jody, some people think that I am worth trusting." Alex eased down in her chair and stretched her legs out in front of her. She picked a chunk of of sandwich free and tossed it in her mouth. "Kinda nice to be trusted."

"Oh, now let's not use this to get under Jody's skin. I trusted you because I thought that Jody trusted you. You never mentioned that this might be some sort of risky thing. I assumed that you all were doing this." Donna looked over to Jody.

"Ah, no. I told the girls that I thought that the mark deserved some research first. Can never be too careful with who you give your power to." Jody leveled her gaze at Alex then at Claire.

"Well, regardless, I had no issues on the way here. The world is a mess though. There was rioting in the next town over. Normally, I would have stopped and been all Donna law about it, but instead I barreled past it to get here." She took in a deep breath and reached out to Jody, resting her hand on her arm. "Glad you aren't still unconscious. You had me worried a little."

Jody got up, pulled down a mug from the cabinet, and filled it with coffee from the still warm pot. She came back to the table and pushed the mug to Donna. "I'm fine. We've got a lot of catching up to do though while Claire and Sam go out and do some recon. You can tell me all about the trip here, and I'll tell you all about the news from here."

"Sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon. It is afternoon, right? So hard to tell." The lights in the kitchen flickered then went out.

"Looks like the electricity is going to be an issue. Got some lanterns?" Sam said as he pushed back from the table. Jody was already up and the sound of her rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen let them know that she was on this. A beam of light came from the kitchen then.

"Got a flashlight. Alex, why don't you go get the lanterns from the hall closet." She handed one flashlight to Alex and kept another. "Sam, why don't you and Claire get your little trip over with before the people start panicking in their dark homes. It'll be no time before they start venturing out and making trouble.

"Will do." Sam stood up, the beam of flashlight illumination made him look somewhat skeletal.

Jody handed him the other flashlight. "We'll just wait here for Alex. Go get weaponed up and on the road." Sam took the flashlight and they went off down the hall. Claire went into her room with Sam in tow. She scooped up her duffle bag that already had all of the weapons that she felt she would need. There was the angel sword, a few daggers that had been dipped in holy water, and a gun.

Sam took her bag and hefted it up onto his shoulder. "I have plenty of weapons in the trunk. What do you have in this thing?"

"Some knives, a gun, a sword. No big. Girl's gotta protect herself." Claire smiled with the words, but she knew that Sam couldn't see it. They headed out to the car and tossed the bag in between them.

Once they were driving down the road it seemed like everything was so dark that the very light from the car was being eaten up by it. Claire concentrated on it, leaning onto the dash to really take it in. There was movement in it. It was not just an absence of color, but a thick sea of movement and emotions. She could almost feel what it seemed to want her to feel. She sent out a prayer.  _We are heading out to check the light. Just thought that you'd want to know. I can feel the darkness. It is angry. Take care of yourself Castiel._ She hadn't realized that she had closed her eyes. She opened them again to the same darkness. She sent out a second prayer, closing her eyes again.  _Kali, protect us and keep us safe from the darkness._ It was simple, but with those words she felt the anger of the darkness slip back from her a little.

Sam turned a corner and they headed past the town. Claire hadn't noticed the town much when she had barrelled through before. She had been too concerned with Sam to care about much else. There were fires now. They were large and bright at the other end of the main street. Sam slowed up. "Well, now, that escalated quickly."

"The rioting?" Claire turned to him.

"Yeah, I mean, the buildings are all on fire." There were people out on the streets. Some were throwing bottles at buildings. Some were carrying off items from stores that they likely didn't pay for.

"Keep going," Claire encourages as she noticed a few of the people turning toward them.

Sam stepped on the gas then and the car screamed down the dark road. They drove on for five minutes in silence. In the distance was a milky glow that pierced through the dark. "Is that it?" Sam pointed off at it.

"Yeah, I think so." Claire leaned onto the dash again. "Definately."

They sped up. Sam hit a pothole in the road and Claire felt her head jolt back. The light fell on a tree in the middle of a corn field. It was set back from the road. "Hold on." Sam whipped the car off of the road and into the field. The slap of the corn stalks on the car making a rhythmic knocking on the vehicle as they went. The light grew brighter and brighter as they approached. Claire felt like it was going to burst. It was like a firework frozen at the point of explosion. She felt the hum of it, a surge of power that was not just in front of her, but all around her. They came to a stop in its sphere. Normally, they might have gotten out of the car with some trepidation, given that the situation contained so many unknowns, but neither of them even questioned it. They each just opened up their doors and got out. The light was more than just around them. It seemed to be in them too, or at least Claire thought that it was. She could not speak for Sam. She turned to him though and searched his face for what he was experiencing.

"You okay, Sam?" Claire stepped closer to his side.

"Yes. Everything is awesome." Sam looked down at her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Everything is going to be fine, Claire. We have reason to hope." His eyes seemed to be brimming with tears. Claire felt her own eyes prickle with tears as well. She looked back at the tree and saw a bird, dark black and majestic, poised on the end of a low-lying branch. It peered down at them, spread its wings out wide and sprang from the branch. It's legs were tied with straps to the tree, but that did not stop it in it's path. It flew up until the strap snapped it back. It fell and then sprang back up into the air and to its branch. It looked back down on them. They moved closer to it in unison. It opened its beak as if to speak, and Claire knew that the next sound that she would hear would be words. She knew it as sure as she knew that this was not just a bird, but something far far more took Sam's hand in hers, and together they listened.


	8. Chapter 8

They had been efficient in their preparations. Dean lined the car in the symbols. He felt odd, at first, drawing the symbols onto Baby. He knew that he could remove them though, when the time came. The side panels were covered in swirls of stark white paint that came from his paint pens. Sam had suggested them, and he even had some at the bunker. Dean's hands shook over the last of the symbols. He was remembering Charlie, her body bloodied and cast aside in a heap like yesterday's garbage. It was the act of leaving the bunker and putting himself into other people's lives again that had spurred the thought to the forefront of his mind. He pressed his head to the side of the car. The cool metal was a comfort to him.

Cas came in. "You okay?" He walked past Dean as he asked and added, "Pop the trunk."

Dean looked at him. He got up and tossed the keys to him. Cas tossed two duffle bags into the trunk. "Those the books?" Dean made his way around to the other side of the car and added a few more of the symbols.

"Yes, and I took the liberty of packing your stuff too." Cas came around the car and stood at his side.

"Oh, uh, thanks. I'm almost done here." Dean got up a few seconds later. He noticed that Cas had another bag in his hands. "What's in that one?"

"Food and drinks. I believe that it will be difficult for us to find sustenance for you while we are on the road, so I decided to pack a few extra items from the kitchen.

"Sounds like you thought of everything." Dean sealed the paint pen up again and waved Cas over to the passenger side. "Well, let's get this show on the road. You wanna throw the master switch over there to preserve the generators?" Cas walked over and threw the switch that sent the room into darkness. Dean got in the car and started it, turning on the headlights as he did so. Cas climbed in a few seconds later.

They drove from the bunker in relative silence. Cas sat ramrod straight, peering out at the darkness. Dean eased himself down into a more comfortable position. Time passed in a way that was hard to calculate. The darkness made everything difficult. Dean could not see beyond 20 feet in front of the car. He could not drive as quickly as he wanted to. It was much worse now than it had been in the first day. At least then the headlights could pierce the darkness more. It had been more like a very dark rural night then. Now it was much more disturbing. He did not feel as though the darkness was penetrating the car though. That much was good.

He cast a glance or two at Cas. They had nothing but time, and yet Dean felt like it would not be enough to justify starting the kind of conversation that they so desperately needed. Cas moved. It was a small, almost imperceptible move, that Dean might have missed if he hadn't been so preoccupied with Cas' presence in the seat beside him.

"You okay?" This seemed to be the eternal question between them.

"I'm fine." He looked to Dean and added, "I feel tired. I think that the darkness is getting to me some. I could use some distraction."

"What do you have in mind?" Dean started to reach for the stereo, thinking that music might be the thing.

"Conversation. You should talk to me." Dean noticed that Cas' hands were gripping at the fabric of his trousers. He wasn't fine. That much was certain.

"Of course, Cas. Whatever you need. Maybe we can talk about the trees that we saw in the dream. I've been wondering about the birds." Dean realized that this would lead to Cas having to talk far more than he likely had the energy for. "I mean, if you feel up to explaining."

"It should prove distracting enough to talk about it. What do you remember?"

"All of it. I may not talk about the dreams, but I certainly do remember them." Dean stared straight ahead as he responded. Cas didn't pick up the conversation right away, so Dean looked at him then back at the road when he noticed that Cas was staring at him.

"You are endlessly fascinating, Dean Winchester." He went back to staring out the window. "I believe that the birds were part of the initial creation. They were responsible for separating the light from the darkness."

"I thought that was supposed to be God or something." Dean kept looking from the road to Cas and back.

"Yet another thing that has not been conveyed accurately." He and Dean both wore matching smirks with that comment. "My father was there, but creation was a process that utilized many beings."

"So, they were being used by him?"

"Hmm, I'm not so sure that that is the proper term. I did not exist then, so I do not have first hand knowledge of how it all occurred, but I do believe that some things happened without his direct intervention. Many religions have stories of the birds that brought forth life from the depths of the darkness. As I had said in the dream, the creatures were like the host, like the angels. Some were special and became other things after the creation."

Dean glanced over to see that Cas' hands were clenching and unclenching his knees. He tried to drive a little faster. He chose to also talk more. "So, let me see if I am following you. Before creation, there was God and some bird creatures. There was a mass of darkness."

"Chaos," Cas interrupted.

"Okay, Chaos, but it was like darkness."

"Yes."

"Okay, then. So, the birds felt the need to create. They flew into the darkness and by doing so life was created." Dean drummed at the steering wheel and added, "Not gonna lie; that all makes almost no sense."

Cas chuckled a little, but it sounded pained. "It is an odd tale, to be sure."

"Now, after all of this creating, the birds became other things. What did they become?"

"Some became angels. Others were later corrupted by Lucifer, and they became his more powerful demons. Still others became gods." Cas shook a little. He began rocking back and forth a little in his seat.

"You okay, buddy?" Dean reached over to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. Cas' head tipped down until it was resting on the passenger's side window.

"It is showing me too much. I hurt you. I hurt Claire. I hurt Sam. So much hurt. I can feel all of it." Dean slammed on the brakes. "It's in me. I don't want to hurt anyone, Dean. You have to end me." He wasn't looking at Dean though, despite the fact that he was facing Dean. "Kill me."

"No, Cas." He reached out for him and pulled him away from the window. "I think that I need to mark up the windows. I think that they needed the symbols too." He started cursing under his breath as he realized that he hadn't marked the car nearly enough. He pulled out the paint pen and started writing on the window with his arm snaked out over Cas' shoulders. Cas was leaning into him, his head tucked under Dean's chin. "You'll be okay, Cas. I just need to add a few more symbols, and you'll be okay." It was more to reassure himself, since he was sure that Cas couldn't hear him. He pulled himself up a little onto the seat and wrote some symbols on the window behind Cas as well. He added some to his own window, even though he was not feeling the effects. He scrawled on the windshield too, careful to leave room for him to see the road ahead.

"Dean." He heard Cas' muffled voice coming from where his head was pressed into his shoulder.

"Yes, Cas."

"It's better." He tipped his head back and looked up at Dean. Dean kept holding him. "You may drive again."

"Okay. stay in the middle though. I don't think that you should get too close to the door." Dean adjusted his position so that Cas could stay in the center of the seat. He lifted his arm up to the back of the seat as Cas dragged himself closer. "Sorry about not marking the car enough. I didn't think about the windows for some reason. Stupid, just stupid."

Dean started driving again, and Cas nuzzled into the crook of Dean's arm. "I'm fine now." Dean could feel the heat of him there, boiling away with his arm wrapped around him. He squeezed a little affection into his shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to his head, breathing in the scent of Cas' hair while he did so. He did not realize how out of the ordinary this action was until Cas looked up at him, eyes full of questions.

"I was worried," Dean said a little defensively. Cas just smiled at him and tucked his head back down into Dean as they drove again.

"It was drawn to my grace, I think." Cas was mumbling a little, but Dean caught the words.

"You think so? Why?"

"I think so. It was pulling at the grace like it was trying to tear it." They drove on into the darkness and Dean let the silence surround them. He thought that Cas had fallen asleep despite the fact that angels don't typically need to sleep. As the road stretched out ahead of them, Dean noticed that the darkness was growing thinner. He felt a pull, like some cosmic force wanted him to deviate from the road he was on. The force was pulling him like a fish on a line. There was a rural country road up ahead. He turned onto it. Cas seemed to wake up. "Where are you going?"

"Don't know." Dean drove for nearly an hour to the east. He could not justify the choice, but something in him said that he had to do this. Then he saw the reason. A great big red barn was up ahead with a tree beside it. The tree was tall and showered in an abundance of golden light. From one of its branches Dean could already see the hanging raven, feet strapped to the tree. As they approached, the bird seemed to wake up. Dean drove the car all the way into the light. Cas got out immediately, despite Dean calling out to him to stop. Cas stopped near the tree. Dean got out and made his way to Cas' side. The bird suddenly flew out from the tree straight at Cas. It hovered, straps taut inches from his face.

Cas did not flinch. He did not move even one muscle. Dean moved closer to Cas, taking his hand in his. He worried that Cas was getting sucked into something, as if the bird had some means by which it could alter the way that Cas thought. Dean wanted to hold him here in the present, here in Dean's world. The bird spoke. "You must go to Muncie, Indiana. You will speak to him there."

"Who?" Cas asked the bird that still hovered too close to Cas' face. Dean could imagine the straps snapping loose and the bird's sharp beak impaling Cas. In his nervousness, Dean pulled slightly on Cas' hand trying to move him to the side. Cas just squeezed his hand and remained where he was.

"You will know when he speaks who he is, who he was, who he will be. We are still strong, and we are still capable of giving much. When you return this way, you'll free me from my prison." The bird seemed to fall then. Its wings tucked in, and its body returned to the hanging position that it had been in before.

"We must go to Muncie then." Cas stalked back to the car, seemingly with more energy and vigor than he had had in some time. Dean followed.

"Okay then. What do you think we'll find in Muncie?" Dean settled into the driver's seat as Cas settled into the passenger's seat. He did not move to the center.

"Something that might give us hope for victory in all of this. Perhaps we aren't completely doomed."Cas watched the bird, even turning in his seat to keep it in view as Dean drove to the east still more, to Muncie.

* * *

The light from the tree became brighter, a white phosphorescent glow that nearly blocked out all of the darkness around them. Claire held up one hand to it brushing at it with fingertips. Sam did the same. She wondered just briefly what he was seeing, because what she was seeing was more than light. At first there was color flowing about like a psychedelic dream world. Then the colors came together to form images. She hovered over a familiar scene, her family seated around the dining room table, plates filled to the edges with her mom's kitchen efforts. Her father laughed at something and then turned his attention to her. She had started talking then. Claire could not make out what her younger self was saying, but she was animated in her talk, and both of her parents looked upon her with tender affection.

Gradually, words filled the space. She remembered the day. She had come home to recount the April Fool's Day pranks that had been pulled by her friends in school. She wondered if she had truly sounded like that. She had been so young then. Her voice was something that one might describe as chatter. Eventually, her mother interrupted her and said, "Breathe, Claire."  _Ah, the sound of her mother's voice._  She reached out her hand still further into the light, hoping that she could make even the barest of contact with her.

"Mom," she whispered into the space between them. The three of them turned at the table and stared at her. The one that looked like her father smiled.

The three of them spoke in unison, "You must free them."

"I don't know what you mean. Free who?" Claire was still reaching to them. She knew that it wasn't real, but it didn't matter. It was the last bit of happiness that she had had with them.

"Their light must be released. It must be freed so that it can join its brethren." They all still spoke as one, but now, young Claire stood. The others stood a moment later. They walked to the front of the table and faced Claire. "At each fallen place we ask those that pass to free us. We hope that soon we will find someone that can. As payment for this service, we give them hope and happiness. It is our offering."

"It is why you look like my family?" Claire felt the wet trails of her tears slowly dry, the heat of the light crystallizing the path of her emotions.

"Yes. Your love for them is powerful. We had other options where you were concerned, but this seemed the most rewarding. It was difficult to choose for your friend. He has had so little that has brought him true happiness." They seemed to look away from her toward the spot that she knew was occupied by Sam.

"What did you give to Sam?" The man that looked like her father waved his hand a bit and the space before her changed. There was a rather large apartment, a blonde woman in a tight fitting tee with shorts on. She was asleep on the couch. Sam was looking down at her face, a very beautiful, peaceful face. Her hair was spread out around her face in a way that was almost the very image of angelic. Sam's hand reached out to her. Claire spoke again, "Who is she?"

Sam answered her, "Her name is Jess, and she is everything."

The colors swirled again, and she was back with her family. "You said that you had other options. What else had you considered?" The room did not change much, but both her mother and younger self disappeared. The man that looked like her father came closer to her and his eyes glowed out blindingly blue. "Oh." She felt as though her mind had shared a great secret that she would rather not have shared. Her connection with Castiel was one that she did not discuss much. Alex and Jody knew that she could pray to him and even receive answers, but no one knew the feelings that accompanied the connection, the joy that came from his responses or even just seeing him.

Their bond was strong. Ever since she had willingly offered up her body as a vessel to save her family, she had felt him. She had not known that it was him until many years later. With each prayer though, she had received back a warm pulse of affection. When she was at her worst, when her own mother had, as she thought at the time, run off to find herself, Claire had prayed. Somehow, even though she was angry at Castiel, angry at him for taking her world, she still prayed to him. And now she knew that he had heard her, had even offered up what comfort he could. As she poured over the years of memories, she recalled that he had offered up a pulse of warmth to her often even when she had not prayed for help. Sometimes it was offered up as a balm for her silent sorrows.

"Will you free us?" The light in his eyes dulled back to normal, and now he looked more like her father.

"How do I free you?" She wanted to hold him and be held. The feelings were intensifying. She did not know if it was a natural byproduct of seeing her father's form, or if it was the, whatever this thing was, messing with her emotions.

"You must cut the straps. The light will be freed with its guardian." He came right up to her, and she felt the heat of him, the light, and all of her hopes and dreams that were now a storm around her.

"Dad." It was all she could say now. It was a choked out sob.

"I love you Claire, always have and always will." The false world fell away and she was left looking at the tree. Sam's hand was still clutched in her's. She let him go and moved back to the car. She pulled out her bag. She rummaged through the weapons there. As she looked back at the tree, she saw the bird straining repeatedly toward the sky, just to be pulled back to the branches. Sam was still standing, back to her. She pulled out the angel sword and walked to the tree.

"This will work, won't it?" The bird flew up again, but this time it dipped in its path and came to an impossible halt just inches from her face. "I thought so." She stepped to the side and raised the sword, that should have been too heavy for her, yet somehow it wasn't. She gave it a swirl, a graceful move that one would normally only see on one that was practiced in the art of swordsmanship. Claire did not know why she had thought that she could do it, but it seemed to work. The bird cocked its head to the side to watch her. On the instant, she swung the blade down onto the strap, and the action released, not just the bird, but a powerful blast of heat and light. She and Sam were both knocked backwards to the ground.

For a moment, there was still some residual light, then the darkness began moving in. The bird stood at the center of the space looking at Claire, with what she determined to be gratitude before it took to the air and disappeared into the dark.

Sam rolled to his side and asked, "What happened?"

"I freed the bird and the light. We need to get back in the car."

"Really? Well, go big or go home, I guess." Sam scrambled to his feet.

"You should talk." Claire followed him back to the car. The light was nearly gone, the bird was nowhere in sight, and she did not know if what she had done had helped a damned thing.


	9. Chapter 9

There seemed to be a great many abandoned cars on the main highway so they decided to take a side road instead. There were signs for a few of the small towns that they would encounter if they continued on this stretch of road. Castiel pointed at one of the signs as they passed. Dean could barely make out what it said, but apparently Cas was able to see it just fine. "The town known as Weingarten was once the site of a battle between the Host and Hell's legions." He said it as if it were no big thing. He continued, "Many angels were lost there. They fought valiantly."

"You don't say." Dean did not know what else could be said. "Do you think that the place might be important in our present situation?"

"Maybe. We should not go out of our way to avoid it." Silence descended upon them again. Dean felt like this was happening more and more, like it was the universe's way of telling him to fill the silence with necessary conversation. He was not ready for that though, so he let the silence be their companion.

The drive was long. Dean felt the fatigue of the day tickling at his nerves. Hours into the drive that feeling was gone as the town of Weingarten appeared out of the darkness. It was all light. There was a main road that stretched through the town. There were trees all along the road. There were people here. They stood along the sidewalks as though they were lined up to watch a parade in absolute silence. It was eerie. "What is this?" Dean whispered despite the fact that their words would not carry outside of the vehicle.

"I don't know." Dean had stopped the car in the middle of the road, and Cas got out. The world was not silent here. The trees were filled with song birds of every variety. They were all singing out in birdsong. There was a melody to it though that was not like your typical birdsong. It was harmonious as if they were all singing from the same hymnal.

"Cas?" Dean said as he walked up to his side. Cas raised his arms out at his sides and seemed to tip his head back in satisfaction. "Cas?" Dean repeated, this time putting his hand to Cas' back.

"I'm fine, Dean." He smiled as he closed his eyes.

"What are they saying?" Dean looked up and down the street, taking in the people and the light, calculating the dangers that might be lurking.

"They are my brethren. They are the ones that fell in battle. They are welcoming me." Cas turned to Dean now. "I need to get closer to one." He walked to the sidewalk. Dean followed. A blue jay was strapped to a low branch. "Hello." Cas directed his greeting to the bird.

"Hello," it repeated back. Then it began a song loud and long, a melodious trill of notes. Cas listened to it with rapt attention.

"So, what was that?" Dean said when there seemed to be a break in the song.

"It was a song of freedom. I'm going to try something." He reached out to the bird and it hopped onto his arm, the little strap that held it to the tree slapping Cas' hand as the bird moved. Cas closed his hand around the strap and held it. A bright glow of grace slipped a little from his closed fingers. The strap turned to ash and blew away. The bird nuzzled down into his hand a quiet chirp escaped it. It looked to him and they seemed to share a quiet communication before the bird flew up into the darkness, a trail of light in its wake.

A woman that had been standing near the tree approached them. "If you free them, who will protect us?" Her chestnut dark hair framed a worried middle aged face.

Cas looked at her and then back to the tree. "Not all of them have asked for release. Nearly all of them have asked to stay with you, to protect you from the darkness." Her face looked relieved as she stepped back from them. She resumed her still observations like the rest. Cas turned to Dean then. "Why don't you return to the car and rest for a bit. I'll communicate with the ones that are willing, and then we'll continue on our journey." Dean would have fought him, but he was exhausted and this was likely the safest place that they would come to for rest. He made his way back to the car and immediately threw himself across the seat ready for sleep.

He did not know how long he had been unconscious when a slight buzzing snapped him back. It was a cell phone on the floorboard of the car. Why it was working was a miracle that he chose not to think about too much. He reached down and picked it up. It was Cas' phone and the name on it showed that Claire was calling. He didn't think twice about it; he just answered. "Hey there Claire."

"You're not Castiel." Her voice sounded like it was filled with all of the disdain he had come to associate with her.

"Not the last time I checked. He's communing with nature. You want something?" He sat up and looked out the windshield down the road. Cas was up near a tree on the far end of town.

"Is he okay?" She sounded concerned.

"Yes, he's fine. We found a town that is filled with light and birds. We're investigating it. We were going to come to you all, but now we are going to Muncie, Indiana."

"Why?"

"A little birdy told us to."

"Funny, Dean. Sam and I just came from a tree where we did our own communing with nature. The birds are not just birds. They are connected to the light." She was quiet, almost like she was imparting secrets.

"Looks like we are having the same experiences. What did your bird tell you?" Dean leaned his head on the side window and watched Cas while he listened.

"It asked for freedom, but that wasn't all that it did. It showed us things that it thought would bring us happiness. It showed Sam a woman named Jess."

"Oh, is he okay?" Dean felt like whatever happiness that vision would bring would be short lived. Dean wished that he could be there for him now.

"He's okay, maybe even happy." She paused for a moment. "Is Cas available?"

"No, he really is out talking to the birds, freeing some of them too. Why do you need him?"

"The bird showed me my family, but there was more than that." She stopped and Dean let the silence linger as she formed her thoughts into words. When she continued it was in a tone more serious than before. "The bird said that it had to choose what to show me, that my family was only one option. The other option, as it turned out was Cas."

"Oh." Dean understood.

"Yeah, I was a little surprised at first, then I realized why he would make the cut. I spent a long time telling myself that I hated him while praying to him every night. It wasn't until much later that I learned that he was with me that whole time. My mom left and so did everyone else that mattered, but Cas was there. He sent out a small pulse of himself to me each time that I prayed and sometimes even when I didn't. He sometimes just knew when I was sad, and in those moments his warmth would find me. I did not know then that it was him, but it was comfort none the less."

Dean hummed out a little sound of acknowledgement. It was familiar. He too had felt in some of his lowest moments that surge of warmth that he now associated with Cas, and if he let his mind wander down the road of memories that he had, he might see that sometimes the warmth was associated with other moments too, moments that were hopeful and filled with longing.

Claire continued, "Seeing him in the dream world that the bird created for me reminded me that I need to tell him some things."

"Like what?" Dean wondered aloud.

"Like that he matters, that he is loved. Too often we let the people that we love slip away from us, and we never tell them that they matter. He matters, and I need him to know it."

"I am sure that he knows Claire." Dean was smiling.

"Have you ever told him that you love him?" Her question was out of left field. Dean choked on the moment and then started coughing a bit.

"Uh, no. I'm a dude. We don't do that."

"Well, maybe you should. You never know how much time you have left, how much time he has left. Plus, even though he knows, it matters, the saying of it out loud. Ya know?"

Dean felt uneasy alone in the car, like maybe Cas could hear them with his super angel ears. He was still seemingly focused on a bird though in the distance, so Dean did not let the worry take hold. "What makes you think that he knows?" Dean remembered the words that Cas had spoken while the Mark was still burning away at him. He remembered him telling him that all of the people that he loved would long be dead except for him. The love that Claire spoke of though was not that sort of love.  _Or was it?_

"Call it a feeling, Dean. Sometimes when he is with you, I can feel his happiness from miles away. It's almost like he can't help but send out a little pulse of joy to the world, and I usually catch it." Dean thought about that and about the way that sometimes he would catch those feelings too. "So, I guess that I'll just talk to him later, when you all get here."

"It might be awhile. We're still looking at another day or two maybe, if we don't run into too much. Knowing our luck we will."

"So, tell him that I called. Don't tell him what I said though. I want to tell him myself."

"Fair enough." Dean waited a moment and added, "See you in a few."

"Take care of him." She ended the call and Dean just stared off at Cas. Telling Cas what he felt was hardly a topic that should be raised during all of this drama. The world was darkness and very likely ending. He did not need to muddy things for the angel.

Cas returned to the car after releasing several more birds. He slipped into the passenger seat in a quiet humph. Dean drove out without questioning him. Cas did not offer up any information either. Dean apparently did not get enough sleep before, because he was yawning not long into the journey.

Cas let him drive in his sleep deprived state for a couple of hours before he offered to drive. It was likely that he knew that Dean would have to be pretty desperate to relinquish control of Baby. They stopped the car, but did not want to get out to change seats, because then they would be at the mercy of the darkness. So,they switched seats in an odd twist of limbs that involved Cas sliding over Dean's lap to the driver's side. There was an awkward moment mid-move where Dean thought about making a joke about a lap dance, but he held it in. Instead he just grinned away at the friction that was created in the moment. It ended too quickly, and Dean was left with only the need to put on his seatbelt and stare ahead.

They were still seven hours from Muncie, and Dean wondered what they would find there. Cas rolled away from the stop slowly. So far they had not encountered much on the smaller road. A few abandoned cars littered the road here and there, but avoiding the main highways had kept things mostly clear. There were fires in the distance, sending out orange-red glows to them across what surely was miles. The darkness was thinner here, perhaps due to the town of light that they had just come from.  _At least something was getting through the darkness._ Dean had thought. Deciding that he was hungry, Dean reached into the little bag that Cas had packed for him and pulled out a bag of pork rinds. "Really, Cas?" He held them up near Cas' field of vision.

"People like them." Cas shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess." He opened them up and ate a few.  _At least they were protein, maybe._  Dean had had too much time to think on the drive to Sioux Falls, that now was the drive to Muncie. He began to wonder about things. He decided to dive into what could become a string of questions or maybe a conversation if he wasn't careful. "So, Cas. Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." Castiel smirked a little. He seemed to glow a little since their stop at Weingarten. "What do you want to know?"

"You and Sam were trying to rid me of the Mark, and it involved some pretty impressive spellwork, like so impressive that only Rowena could do it." Dean hesitated.

"Yes," Castiel encouraged.

"What did the spell involve? I mean, it must have been some bad stuff that you all had to do to make this happen." Dean rubbed at his arm, a phantom pain where the Mark had been throbbed there. Dean had been worrying about sacrifices made and people that kept on dying for him. He hoped as he asked the question that no one had died, yet somehow he knew that he would not be so lucky.

Castiel let out a long unnecessary breath of air. "Mistakes were made, but I hardly regret the outcome." He did not look at Dean as he spoke.

"I'd say there is plenty to regret. Apparently, our actions have unleashed all of this on the world. If we don't fix this billions of people die. Who knows how many already have because of me." Dean tossed the food bag back on the floor again.

Castiel looked over at him, bringing the car to a stop. "I have come to the conclusion of late that there is not much that I would not do to preserve your life. If that makes me seem horrible to you, well, I'm sorry, but that is just the way that it is, has always been, will always be."

Dean let the words sink into him for a moment. He was moving back and forth between anger and something else, as yet unnamed. Sam had made a great many sacrifices for him, and so too had Bobby, Charlie, Kevin, and so many others. This, though, this, was something almost insane.  _How could Cas think that this was okay?_  "People should not have to keep dying because you and Sammy think that I need to live. I don't need to live, Cas."

"You couldn't carry the Mark anymore, Dean. You would have killed too many. It was a risk worth taking." Cas turned back to the steering wheel as if he was going to continue driving again. Dean put a hand on him then.

"I wouldn't have killed billions. The world could be ending here, Cas."

"It won't. You forget that we saw what Cain had become when he yielded to the Mark. He planned to murder his whole line. He would have killed so many people. You would have done the same. I saw it in you as you fought me. I saw it before that, the rage that brewed just beneath the surface of you. I felt it with each passing touch that you imparted to me, and I did my best to never let you see the pain of it as it coursed through me." Dean felt his breath stabbing at his chest, the thought of Cas feeling what he had felt nearly overwhelming him. The thought of Cas bloodied by his hands filled him with so much hatred for himself. He let his hand slip from Cas' arm.

"I can never ever make you know just how sorry I am. I am forever dooming the people that I care about. They suffer; they die. I wish that you had never pulled me up from Hell." Dean stared off out the window, the darkness a mirror of his heart.

Cas reached out to him now and rested his hand on Dean's arm. "You have not caused my suffering. If not for you, I would not know what it is to truly live." Dean looked at him trying to discern what he was feeling but not saying.

"Did anyone die during the spell." Dean redirected a little.

"One man." Castiel paused as though considering the past. "I think now that his death was a ruse."

"Why? Who was he?" Dean ladled another heaping pile of guilt onto himself for this death.

"The spell called for, something made by God, but forbidden to man, something made by man, but forbidden by God, and something loved by the caster of the spell. I have thought over the spell quite a bit since that day, and I am certain that Rowena had mislead us in what the ingredients actually were. I think that it all came down to just one ingredient."

Dean interrupted with a snort, "Go figure, Rowena was less than forthcoming."

"Yes, I know, it is all so obvious now. She is skilled in the art of deception."

"Well, what was the ingredient then?" Dean asked noticing that Cas still held his arm.

He looked at Dean now. His eyes seemed to glow a little more blue. Cas said, "Me. My grace was the only ingredient that really mattered."

"How does your grace fit the descriptions that you just gave?"

"My grace was brought forth by God and was not given to mere men. I was given form by my vessel, a man, but God forbade us from choosing humans as intimate companions. Lastly, I think that Rowena mislead us in how the last ingredient was described. She said that the spell required the blood of someone that was loved by the caster of the spell. I have thought much about that part. I have been endlessly unhappy with how I so readily accepted her interpretation of the words. I was wrong then. It was all about the interpretation. It was about love, but not the love that the caster of the spell had. It was about the love of the recipient of the spell, you. I think that the spell required the grace of an angel that loved the one that bore the Mark. I am not sure if the spell required that the feelings be reciprocal. There are not many angels that have succumbed to such feelings. Nephilim have been born in the past, but it has been years since such a thing has occurred, because humans and angels do not make such connections."

Dean's breath was coming to him with greater strain. He interrupted again, not asking the question that he really wanted to ask, but instead focusing on something else entirely. "What's a nephilim?"

"A child born from a union between a human and an angel." Castiel let his hand drop from Dean's arm, but Dean caught it up in his own hand. "I regret nothing, except that the young man did not need to die, and I should have been more watchful where Charlie was concerned. I would have torn the grace out myself, had she just told me that it was the primary ingredient, the only ingredient. I am half the angel I was, barely useful. Eventually, the rest of my grace will burn out, I think, and you'll be left with a shell of my former self to deal with. I won't be a burden to you, but for now, I will help you fix this. When this is over, I'll leave."

"No, you won't. I won't have it. You'll stay with me. You'll stay with me, damn it. I am so tired of all the times that we keep doing this, this stupid game of leaving. Stay. Stay. Stay." He leaned in and pulled Cas to him. Dean's arms wrapped around Cas and held him firmly, as if he could keep him here by shear force. He spoke into Cas' hair, desperation lacing his every word, "Tell me you'll stay no matter what."

Cas leaned back and just looked at him, then he said, "For now, I will."

"No, for good. No matter what, you stay. I need to hear it, Cas. I need you." Dean hated that he sounded desperate, or that he couldn't just control the situation. The idea of Cas crawling off to some distant corner of the world to die in secret like a sick cat pissed him off. If anyone was going to die, it would be him, and if Cas was going to die, it was going to be by Dean's side. Cas did not answer him in words though. He kissed him. It was a soft press of lips. Dean had often imagined this moment. He had thought that it would be a passionate fit of movement between them, a powerful storm of lips and teeth and tongues, but this was them too, just two broken creatures trying their damndest not to move too fast for fear of breaking anything else. It was unexpected. It was the two of them surrounded by darkness and the end of the world. It was Cas quietly giving Dean what was left of him. It was Dean quietly telling him that he was not going to take any less than forever.

When they parted, they did not release each other entirely. Cas had his hand on Dean's cheek. It was the only warmth in the car. They stared at each other like this as much as was possible in the darkness that was only broken by the light that reflected back to them from the headlights outside. The darkness seemed to repel everything. Everything except for Cas' hand was cold. Dean's lips parted a little. He wanted to speak, to tell Cas what mattered. A small puff of warm air flowed from him in a cloud of condensation. Cas' thumb stroked his cheek. Dean felt the surge of Cas' grace that pulsed out to him, through him. It filled the emptiness, the cracks that held his loneliness. He welcomed the intrusion.

They studied each other like this in the darkness and the cold. They studied each other in a world that once again was falling apart around them in what could very well be the last days of their existence. Dean thought of the things that needed to be said. He had told him that he needed him, and it was not even enough to convey what he meant. He felt the grace inside him reacting to that thought, to the feelings that accompanied it. If he lost Cas he thought that he might be done for. He might lose whatever drive he had to keep going. The grace pulsed in response. Cas' hand gripped his cheek harder. "No." Cas' one word low and strong in the silence.

Cas released his face, and the grace left him too. Dean felt the emptiness and discontent fill those spaces in its absence. He watched Cas slump forward a bit, a move that conveyed defeat. "I meant every bit of it Cas. I can't lose anyone else, especially you." Cas still did not turn to him.

His words were quiet and so low that Dean had to lean forward to take them in fully. "I can't be the cause of any more of your suffering." He looked at Dean then and reached out a hand to him again. This time though, it was not to cup Dean's cheek. At first it seemed as though Cas was going to brush aside his hair, his fingers extended, a tenderness in his eyes. He did do that, but he also moved slowly to Dean's forehead where he pressed his fingers. For a bare instant, Dean's face registered shock.  _No._  He had thought before the world around him became a dreamless dark.

* * *

They drove back to the house in a comfortable silence. Sam smiling away at the darkness in front of him was not as eerie as it should have been. Claire had seen his vision and knew why he looked pleased. True moments of happiness could often carry one through even the worst darkness. She did not smile. Her vision lay heavy in her heart. She guessed that maybe reality was just a little too real to be muddied with past joys.

She wondered what would happen with the bird now that it was free of its restraints. It gave her no information beyond the desire to be free. Sam slowed in anticipation of the turn that he knew was coming. Claire leaned forward into the seat, seeing something that was off about the distance. "Sam, look." She pointed in what was the general direction of the house. There was light, a bright phosphorescent glow piercing through the dark.

"Jody." Sam breathed out the name like a prayer. He sped up and took the turn down the road that would lead to the house. The road hadn't felt so long before, but now each pothole and corresponding scrape of gravel was maddening in that it made them have to slow their approach.

"Hurry, Sam." She was breathing in heavy gulps of air, worrying over the scene that she thought might greet them. It wasn't a fire glow, that much was certain from the color. Claire's hands clutched at the handle of the door with one hand and the upholstery beneath her with the other. She would jump out the moment that Sam got within range of the house.  _Surely running would be faster._  She imagined Jody, her body limp from a battle she could not handle. She imagined Alex bloodied beyond healing, no more sardonic commentary spilling from her lips. It was too much. Her heart ached with the thought of too many people dying in her life, and now these two would be added to the pyre.

Sam slammed the car to a halt next to a silver sports car that had not been there before. Claire threw herself out the door and was two steps to the house when everyone poured out to greet them, alive, so alive. The sight of them was the final straw. She felt her legs buckle beneath her and she fell to the ground in a heap. Alex reached her first, followed by a boy with dark hair in a haphazard mess around his face. "What the Hell, Claire." Alex reached around her waist and hefted her up with seeming ease. The boy moved to the other side to help, but got a look from Alex that almost backed him off. Her words finished the job, "Step off, Romeo. I got this." Claire pushed away.

"I'm okay, Alex." She looked up at the top of the house, light was spilling down all around them. "The light." Her head lolled to the side a bit. A bird flew down to the porch before them. "Oh, you." Claire stepped to it. "You followed us."

The bird tipped its head from side to side almost like a no. It sent out a trill of song and then flew back up to the roof. "That the same one?" Sam stood at her side, hand on her back.

"Yeah. He didn't follow us. He lead the way. He said that others are coming. He said that Castiel is sending them." She looked to Sam now.

"I guess that it was good that we released him then." And as if they both realized together that they were not alone, they turned to the others in unison. Sam stepped away from her and with a grin on his face approached a woman that seemed to be about Jody's age, deep, dark hair and a world weary glint in her eyes. She smiled though when Sam said her name as he went to her, "Linda. How in the world are you?" He hugged her, and she seemed to reciprocate in the most minuscule way possible. A slight pat to his back was quickly given to signify the end of the endearment.

"Been better. This darkness is wrecking my garden. Finally decided to give up and find you boys so that I would have a place to direct my irritation." She smiled, and Claire found it a little unsettling. It was a smile that said, take me seriously, no I'm just joking, no I'm really not. Sam seemed to roll with it though.

He looked past her to the boy. "So, who's this?" Sam pointed.

"What you don't recognize me, Sam? Wow, that hurts." His grin was like the woman's, but, Claire thought, it had more mirth within it. Sam did not move for a moment. He seemed perplexed.

"I don't know you." He finally spoke. He turned to Linda with an upraised brow.

"Knock it off, Kevin." She swatted at his shoulder.

"What!" It was more exclamation than a question. Claire could not recall hearing Sam's voice like that before. It was a high pitched type of shock.

"I know. I'm a little worse for wear, but hey, better than being noncorporeal." He had his hands pressed into his pant's pockets now. He was rocking back and forth on his heels.

Sam suddenly looked a little angry. "So, now you are possessing some unsuspecting sap just so you can have a body?"

Linda stepped between them. "For your information, Sam Winchester, this unsuspecting sap as you call him, is a willing participant in this. I'll thank you to calm the fuck down when you talk to them."

"The veil has been fixed. He can get to heaven." His tone was less angry now. Claire stepped to his side and rested a hand on his back, sensing that he maybe needed the type of support that he had offered to her before.

The boy, Kevin, spoke now. "You've seen heaven, Sam. You really recommend that I go there?"

Sam just stared at him for nearly a full minute. Everyone let the silence last, as if they were all invested in some sort of deep telepathic communication. "You got a point there, I guess."

Donna was up on the porch steps and Claire caught her eye. She gave her a little wink and announced, "Well, we can all keep hanging out here, or we can go inside and have some of the chowder that Jody made." Somehow that seemed to jumpstart movement, and everyone shuffled up the porch and into the house.

Jody moved to the pot on the stove and started ladling out big glops of creamy white chowder into mug shaped bowls. When she had finished handing a bowl to Alex, Kevin, and then finally Claire, she said, "So, why don't you kids take the bowls upstairs, and let the adults have a little chat." Claire was a hundred percent ready to fight her to stay, when she caught the look on Alex's face. They all left in silence, a low hum of voices picking up from the kitchen as soon as they hit the stairs.

"I'm not a kid." Claire pronounced in a huff as she slumped down in the desk chair in Alex's room.

"None of us are, but sometimes we gotta let the old ones just be old together. Makes 'em think that they are special or something." Alex plopped down onto the edge of her bed and started shoveling big spoonfuls of chowder into her mouth. "Eat up. Jody's chowder is awesome." She glanced over at Kevin then. He was hovering in the doorframe trying to look casual. "You gonna come in, or are you going to just hang there all creeperish?"

"I was going for more, mysterious phantom, but creeperish will have to do I guess." He walked into the room with a smirk. There was a large picture window on one wall in Alex's room. It overlooked the front of the house with the vehicles and the road out. The sill was wider than most. Claire had seen Alex sitting their often when she would pass the room on her way to the bathroom. Kevin popped up onto it now and pulled his long legs up after him. He settled the bowl of chowder on his upraised knees and began contentedly eating as if he was the only one in the room.

"So, make yourself at home, I guess." Alex tossed off with disdain.

He looked back at her, "What? You basically told me to come in. You always like this or am I just special?"

"Don't mind Alex, she's always like this, but beneath her rough exterior beats a heart of gold." Claire made a face at her with that, a scrunching up of her lips to her nose coupled with a squint. "I'm Claire, by the way, since no one bothered to introduce any of us." Claire ate another bite of the chowder and twisted the spoon in her mouth to get at it all.

"Ah, Claire. You do care." She tossed a balled up pair of socks at her, but Claire reached up and caught them, before they hit her square in the forehead. "Nice reflexes."

"Nice aim." She went back to eating. " I didn't realize how hungry I was. Were we gone long? "

"Just a couple of days." Claire nearly choked on a mouthful. Alex laughed. "It's so easy to screw with you, Claire. It was about four hours."

Claire watched her face this time to be sure of the accuracy of the current statement. "Still longer than I thought."

"So, you're like the bird whisperer or something?" Kevin scraped at the side of his empty bowl, looking for a bit more chowder.

"So, you're like dead or something?" Claire countered.

"Fair enough." He smiled, and in a thoroughly fake British accent he added, "I'm not dead yet."

Alex and Claire just stared at him like he was the most unusual thing that they had encountered, and they had encountered plenty of strange things.

"What, you don't like Monty Python? Seriously,  _The Holy Grail_  should be taught in schools. I mean what are they even teaching you kids anymore?" Kevin ended his rant with a grin.

"Well, Claire here is a drop out, and I just smoke weed under the bleachers all day, so I guess we missed the lecture on Grails and bad accents." Alex got up and walked over to Claire. "I'll take the bowls down, do a little recon." She reached out, and Claire handed her the bowl. She moved to Kevin next and he passed his too.

"Careful with the third step. It creaks," Claire said as Alex got to the door.

"Of course. You act like I'm new to this." Her smile basically declaring that she has been sneaking around since forever. She closed the door behind her, leaving Claire and Kevin alone in awkward silence.

"So, uh, you're Castiel's vessel?" Kevin kicked his legs over to the side of the window sill so that his back was to the window.

"Currently, I am nobody's vessel. It's just me in here." She watched his movements taking in the way that his fingers curled around the edge of the sill. His legs were still, and the muscles in them seemed to be tense beneath the tight fitting jeans that he wore. His face was dark, as if he had benefitted from some time in the sun. "So, how'd you go about obtaining your vessel?"

"Well, Frederick Bernard Farmingham Colt the third here was pretty much ready to check out." He paused a moment and tipped his head to the side as if listening to something in the distance. "Uh, he asked that I tell you to please call him Freddy. He hates when I use all of his names. I usually have to remind him that he has like three more or so that I usually forget. Then he proceeds to give me more names than my mom decided was absolutely necessary like  _piece of shit asshole_  if he is in a good mood." He laughed for a moment.

"Uh, something funny?" She was starting to think that Kevin might be insane, but he was at least listening to voices in his head that were actually there.

"He's not in the best mood. I got a couple of new names. Because I don't know you so well yet, I'll keep them to myself. I mean if Freddy wants to share them with you, he's more than welcome." Kevin popped off the window sill and walked over to the bed where he tossed himself down in a heap.

"So, you said that Freddy was ready to check out. What did you mean by that?" Claire swiveled back and forth in the office chair never taking her eyes off of the boy on the bed.

"It's just like it sounds. Not my story to tell. Freddy took a bunch of pills, and I took over Freddy. It was serendipitous. I make him happier, which is funny considering the fact that I am a dead guy, and he kinda wanted to be a dead guy. Life's funny like that." He tipped his head to the side again as if he was listening again.

"If he didn't want to live before, why would sharing a body with you make him change his mind?" Claire wondered out loud.

"Fine." Kevin reached back to Alex's nightstand and set his hand on her lamp. The boy's body shuddered a bit, and then he sat up.

"Hello, I'm Freddy." And although his appearance did not change one bit, there was something different about him that Claire could discern, something maybe in the way that he sounded and how he seemed a touch more stiff.

"Hello, Freddy."

"So you wanted to know why I changed my mind?" She nodded at him but stayed silent. "Well, before I didn't matter to anyone. Now, if I die, I will make his life more difficult. He'll have to go back to fluttering around without a body." He laughed, and it was more light than the deeper tone used by Kevin. "He said that he did not flutter, that there was no fluttering. I believe that there was. Regardless, I was at a low point then. We've all had moments like that where the world is not our friend, and Kevin came along then. He made things matter. I was not doing a damn thing that mattered to a damn soul. I was taking classes at my community college, sure, but I had no plans. I worked at a movie theater, which was cool, not gonna lie. I lived in my mom's basement. She was so done with me. She and her new husband, Carl had a kid on the way. I use to party a lot on the weekends. Got a little wasted, and I decided to drive home like that. I hit a big ass tree. I lived. My friend that was riding with me didn't. I served some time, and when I got out, I decided that I needed to do a lot more penance."

"What did you do?" Claire kept her voice low so as not to sound too invasive.

"What you'd expect. I took a pile of sleeping pills. Someone found me though, before the pills could work their magic. I ended up in the hospital and later in a psych facility. Mrs. Tran was a volunteer there. I didn't know it at the time, but she and Kevin were looking for a suitable crazy guy to possess. I didn't fit the bill, but we became friends. She liked me, and she wanted to help me."

Claire said, "I can't imagine that woman liking anyone."

Freddy laughed, "Kevin wants me to remind you that you are talking about his mother, who is a saint."

"So, you can hear him even when he isn't possessing you?" She glanced around the room as if looking for Kevin hovering in the corners.

"Yeah, he and I have a bit of a connection now that seems to go beyond the possession bit. It might be that he is a strong willed little shit where I'm concerned or something. Either way, I can hear him even when I am in the driver's seat."

"Why'd you hit the light?" Claire flicked a glance at the lamp on the nightstand.

"It's iron. It repels spirits." He stretched out his arms over his head and tucked them under one of Alex's pillows as he pulled it over to his head. "So, what else do you want to know?"

"How'd you convince them that you were crazy enough for this gig?" She waved her hand about over him a little.

"Linda had picked out a guy that was in a rather dire state, practically a vegetable. Kevin popped in and couldn't do a damn thing. I realized then that they needed someone like me. Of course this was after months of us getting to know each other. I mean the first couple of weeks were spent with me thinking that Linda was crazy with all of her ghost boy talk. Long story short, they inevitably accepted that I was right for them and that without this bit of purpose in my life, I would just go back to plan A."

Claire looked at him steadily, "Killing yourself?"

"Yeah. I shouldn't get to live a longer life than Stan." He saw her look and added, "He was the friend that I killed." He looked away from her and said, "So, if I can give Kevin a longer life, by just letting my body live, then maybe I am doing a good thing. Lord knows I wasn't going to be using this body for anything anyway."

Claire had nothing to say about that. It was rather depressing and it made her hope that Alex would come back to lighten the mood.  _Oh, the irony._  As if on cue, Alex popped her head back through the door. "Hey, there. Got caught. Damn seventh stair ratted me out." She came in and scowled at Freddy, who she likely thought was Kevin.

"Hey, Alex. Meet Freddy." Claire waved a hand at them both.

"You the body?" Alex shoved him aside and sat at the head of the bed. Freddy moved a fraction of an inch over as she dug a knee into him.

"Yep." He didn't say anything more. "I think I'll let Kevin take over again. It was nice talking with you, Claire."

"Maybe next time I won't be so intrusive." She threw him a smile. He smiled back and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Claire could tell that it was Kevin.

Alex gave him a kick and said, "Move over, ghost boy."

Kevin tipped his head back and smiled at her. "Anyone ever tell you that you have the sweetest bedside manner?"

"On the daily." She smirked back. She looked up at Claire then. "So, I caught that they are worried about the birds or something. They were commenting on how odd it was that you could understand them. Then I had to go and move down to the stupid seventh step."

"We should figure out how to fix it. Maybe some WD-40 or something." Claire felt a yawn coming on and she stretched through it.

"Yeah, well, a little late now. Any thoughts on why you can commune with the birdies, Claire?" Alex pulled up her knees into a hug, and Kevin sat up at the end of the bed.

"No, I just can." She glanced at the window, at the light that covered them in its protective layers.

"Maybe it is because you are an angel vessel. I mean, you aren't exactly ordinary." Kevin offered up.

"Nah, she's way ordinary." Alex grinned with the pronouncement. Claire tossed a stuffed animal at her.

"Maybe," Claire said to Kevin. "I should call Castiel and see what he thinks. I need to call him for other stuff anyway."

"Why not just do the prayer thing?" Alex asked.

"I have stuff that I want to discuss that should be said out loud. I feel like sometimes the whole prayer thing has a different purpose to it. It's like reading thoughts. You can write them off as fleeting things instead of believing that they matter."

"Hmm, if you say so. You're the expert." Alex looked at her for a moment before adding, "You look beat. Maybe you should get in a few hours of sleep."

Claire stood up. "I feel beat. Wake me up if anything happens though."

"Will do. Also, I should go over your henna later." Alex gave a nod that was supposed to indicate Claire's back. She understood and moved to the door.

"Well, goodnight or whatever this is." She looked down at Kevin then back at Alex. "Try not to kill each other while I'm gone."

"Tell her. I'm all zen." Kevin smiled at her.

"I'll do my best, no promises." Alex waved at her. The door closed and Claire made her way to her room. The weight of the days pressing more and more on her shoulders. She barely stayed conscious long enough to kick off her shoes after face planting on her bed. Her thoughts became dreams, became her parents, became Castiel as she drifted from her world into what must have been sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I hope you all like this chapter. I've been working on this one all week.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean woke up slowly, a dizziness the likes of which he had not experienced before, blanketed his reality. He remembered one time taking Sam to a carnival at a rural fair. Sam had convinced him to ride this one ride called the Zipper, a whirling, upside down, mess of a ride straight from Satan's worst nightmares. Dean put on a brave face. He'd rather have fought a nest of vamps than ride that thing, but more importantly, he'd rather not disappoint Sammy. So, he got on and was immediately filled with regrets.

Sam had been giddy throughout the whole experience. Dean had barely kept from vomiting with each spin and flip. The feeling now was worse, but not by much. He cracked open his eyes with a groan. Everything was dark. He could feel the car moving and surmised that he must have gotten attacked on a hunt. "What the Hell happened?" He tried to remember what he had been doing before, but nothing was there. His mouth tasted like death and paste had a sick love child.

Cas slowed the car which was driving through the thickest night ever. Dean registered that Cas was driving his car, and his nerves became a little more frazzled. Cas spoke, slow and deliberate, "You should try to sleep more."

Dean sat up straighter, "What happened, Cas?"

"The darkness was affecting you. I made you sleep." Dean stared at him past a squint. Cas kept driving, looking straight ahead.

"What do you mean? Hate to say this, Cas, but whatever you did, wasn't your finest work. Feels like everything is spinning, and I don't remember the fight that lead to it." Dean pressed his hand to his forehead.

Cas stopped the car and turned to him. "Does it hurt?"

Dean dropped his hand and said, "Doesn't feel good."

"Here." Cas reached out to him, fingers extended. They brushed back a stray wisp of hair on his forehead, and Dean felt like this moment was something familiar before Cas pressed his fingers to him. The feeling left along with the dizziness. "Better?"

"Yes. So what happened?" Dean took in his surroundings. Everything was really, very dark, only now it was clear that it was more than night.

Cas began driving again. "We are going to Muncie, Indiana to try to fight the darkness that you and I and your brother unwittingly unleashed on the world.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you are talking about." Dean rubbed the heels of his palms in his eyes.

"Hmm. It' should come back to you. Give it time. What is the last thing that you remember?"

Dean sat quietly for a time, trying to stretch his mind back. Cas let him take his time. Everything was a mess. He wasn't sure what was the last thing in his memory or the first. There was Charlie's body burning on the pyre. There was his father staring at him with demon yellow eyes. There was Sam falling, falling, falling into the pit on a scream. There was the bunker empty as a new made grave. Finally he said, "I killed Death."

"You can't kill Death, but you did something that may have looked like that." Cas glanced at him with his pronouncement.

"If I didn't kill him, then he will be angry." He paused a moment, trying to collect more memories before he continued. "It sure looked like I killed him."

"You can't kill Death. The idea of him is enough to allow for his continued existence. He is older than time, older than God. He is certainly not going to be killed by a mere human." There was a note of condescension in Castiel's tone.

"I wasn't a mere human." Dean allowed his tone to take on a bit of the condescension too. "I mean, my memory isn't so hot right now, but I do think that the Mark of Cain has to count for something. They passed a crossroad that had a sign. Cas slowed up and Dean read it. Turning would take them toward the Dakotas. Dean felt a pull in that direction. Straight ahead though was Muncie, and he felt a pull in that direction too. Cas continued going straight.

His pocket began buzzing, and Dean reached for it. The screen showed Sam's name. Dean answered it immediately. "Dean?"

"Hey there, Sam. What's up?"

"Just needed to talk to you. I'm starting to think that everyone is insane."

"I'm afraid to even ask what you are talking about. By the way, full-disclosure, I'm having some memory issues right now, so be patient." Dean huffed out a breath of frustration.

"Are you okay?" Sam's tone shifted noticeably from irritation, to mother hen.

"I'm fine, mom. Now tell me why everyone is supposedly insane, and maybe include who everyone is in that narrative."

Sam took a deep breath and began, "So, you remember that I am at Jody's place right?"

"Well, I know now."

"Wow, you need to tell me what happened."

"No, I need you to finish your damn story. Come on."

"Okay, so I'm at Jody's, and get this, Linda Tran shows up." Sam paused for dramatic effect. Dean could almost see his arms flailing about in wild gesticulations. "But she didn't show up alone, Dean."

"Okay, I'll bite. Who'd she show up with? She have a demon boyfriend?" Dean really hoped that wasn't the case.

"Kevin." Sam just let that one word drop.

"My memory isn't that bad, Sammy. I remember that he died. The veil's okay now. Souls can go toward the light or whatever."

"Yeah, I know, but get this, Kevin has a new body. Some donor kid that was apparently all ready to die and shit decided to give his body to Kevin as some sort of a vessel."

"So, Kevin is wearing this kid like a meatsuit?"

"Uh, yeah. And everyone is totally fine with it. Like, Jody and Donna don't even seem to see it as a problem. And don't even get me started on Linda. She practically tore my head off for even questioning the choice."

Dean thought about it and then cast a glance at Cas who was listening intently from the driver's seat as the dark miles passed them. Dean knew that he could hear the whole conversation despite the fact that the phone was not on speaker, angel ears. Dean also felt like there were some things that he just couldn't say. After all, Cas had taken a vessel in order to be among the humans, and Dean knew that there was some guilt weighing on him over that choice. "How is he?"

"I haven't really talked to him much." Sam sounded like he was exhausted. Dean felt the pull back to Sioux Falls. "I mostly just yelled at him, then Jody sent the kids off to another room while we discussed the present situation."

"Did he seem like a rage-filled lunatic, hell bent on vengeance and destruction?"

"No, he seemed downright calm. I have been on edge for days, maybe longer, since I don't actually know how long I've been here. It is plenty hard to measure the passage of time without sunrises and sunsets. So, comparatively, Kevin is way chill."

Cas interrupted then, "How is Claire?"

Sam heard the question and replied, "She released one of the light birds, and now it is on Jody's roof. The whole house is covered in light. She seems like she is able to talk with the thing. Other than that, she is more fine than the rest of us. The dark doesn't affect her, and she is strong. You'd be proud, Cas." Dean could see a slight uptick in his lip with the words. Cas kept staring ahead into the dark though as he drove.

"So, how long will donor kid let Kevin ride him around?"

"I'm pretty sure that it is like a permanent arrangement. At least, that is what Linda implied. She said that, Freddy; that's the kid's name, chose this over death. He apparently had some baggage when they met him. Regardless, this does seem like a situation that came about with consent. So, there's that."

"Not gonna lie, Sammy, but having Kevin back, even like this, feels kinda right. Maybe we shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, ya know."

"Hmm, I don't know. I don't think that we are the kind of people that get this lucky. Everything that seems good comes to us with a steep price." He paused again as if he had too much on his mind and no way to deal with it all. "So, any news on your end of things?"

"It's patchy. Cas said that the darkness started affecting me. I apparently passed out, and now I don't remember a bunch of stuff. He said that it would come back to me though."

"You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, Cas has my back. We're on our way to Muncie. Looks like we have maybe a few more hours to go, unless we run into traffic." He laughed a little then added, "Actually, we've been pretty lucky. There haven't been any abandoned cars on this route. Pretty smooth, knock on wood."

"Yeah, good luck. What are you gonna do when you get to Muncie?"

"Don't know." Dean turned to Cas then, and asked, "So, what are we doing in Muncie?"

"It is not clear why we need to go there. The angels want us to go there. Someone is waiting to talk with us. I am hopeful that it will lead to answers." Cas was speeding up. Dean could see the flash of the road lines streaking by more rapidly. He wondered about the reason for the change until Cas spoke, "Have you heard anything about either Rowena or Crowley since we last spoke?"

"No. We have been pretty focused on the immediate area and the darkness. We are all going to dig into the research tomorrow after a good night's sleep. We were all pretty well beat today."

"If you unearth anything of importance on either of them, do not hesitate to call, or pray. It is likely that the phones will stop working soon, and I want to make sure that I am still getting information. I feel that it may become important for us to find Rowena."

"Why? Do you think that she can do something about the darkness?" Sam asked.

"We won't know unless we ask. She affected me. Her spell was important. I would like to discuss this with her in person." Something in Cas' tone told Dean that when he said the word discuss that he did not mean it. He also got the impression that there was more going on than what Cas was saying. He decided that this was a subject that he would explore with Cas later on.

"Well, I'm gonna hit the sack. You two stay outta trouble."

"You know us." Dean chuckled a little. Sam yawned and Dean could practically hear his stretch over the miles. "You stay safe too, Sammy." Cas glanced at him. Dean tipped the phone away from his ear and hung up. "You okay, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas sounded tired, and for an angel that was worrisome.

"You seem like you are worried about something."

"Everything is problematic. It would be nice if just once things would work out." Dean reached over to him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"I hear ya. Maybe things will look up in Muncie. I mean, it can't exactly get any worse than eternal night right? Cas turned to him, his face wrinkling up a little as if to say, Really, Dean. "Okay, I know, don't jinx it."

"It just seems that with us, it can always get worse and usually does." Cas was turned to him as they barreled down the long, straight stretch of road. Dean turned away from him, and looked out into the dark.

Something was there. Dean yelped and grabbed the wheel. Cas slammed on the brakes. The forms in front of them appeared to be children. They were everywhere at once. The car was still, humming away in the dark. The children though moved closer. There were many of them, all with long dark hair, all with thin white gowns. Their heads were tipped down to the ground as they walked around the car. One stood in front of the hood.

"This is bad. I think this might be bad." Dean broke the quiet. And as if his voice was a trigger, the children raised their heads up in unison. Dean felt his body pressing back into the seat. Cas' hand came up to Dean's chest.

"Seatbelt, Dean," Cas said. The children seemed to stare at them, but one could not call it that. For they did not have faces from which to stare. There was just skin pulled taut over bone, and dark hair framing something that was growing more frightening by the second.

* * *

Claire had tried to sleep. Maybe she did sleep a bit, but she couldn't tell. When she woke up the room still had the same amount of light pouring through the window and beyond it, the same amount of dark. Before wearily crawling into bed, she had called Cas, wanting him to know that he mattered, that someone in this vast universe cared about him and wanted him to return. Instead she had gotten Dean, and she wondered again why she had traveled the conversational path with him that she did.

She also wondered when her thoughts on him had so utterly changed. She thought that maybe it had come from the feelings that pulsed out from Cas each time that Dean was near, or each time that he was even discussed. Maybe it was from something else. Regardless, she felt a kinship with him, one that was particularly strengthened through their conversation. She wondered if he would take her advice and talk to Cas, tell him that he mattered to a hunter too. It mattered, and she hoped that he would see it that way too.

She got up from her bed and stretched out to the ceiling, feeling her muscles tightening with the effort. She made her way over to her window and popped it open. The slightly sloping roof just outside of the window made for a good sitting space. She had discovered it the first night that she had spent in the house. It had been 2:00 am and she had not managed to sleep much then either. She had discovered that being out there afforded her a most excellent view of the sky. It was a country sky, complete with so many stars that you could only feel like something small beneath it all. Sometimes it was nice to feel insignificant, to just be and not have anything matter too much.

She climbed out now and found a spot next to the pop-out for her window to lean against. There were no stars tonight, just the oddly bright light that drowned out the dark. She could see beyond it though to were the dark was. There was an odd little boundary of sorts just beyond the yard, and out there she could see the swirling mass of chaos that was just waiting to get back in.

She felt the first tremors making their way down her skin as she looked at it all. A flutter of wings and suddenly she wasn't alone, and the tremors stopped. "Hey there," she said as the bird cocked its head to the side.

"Are you okay?" It asked her with a human voice that came out rough and somewhat squaky at the same time.

"You talk?"

"When I feel I must. Most times it will be best for me to be a silent guardian."

"Why?" She turned to the bird a bit more, pressing her back to the pop-out roof that surrounded her window.

"I have much to atone for, and talking is a means by which many try to alleviate their own suffering. I do not wish for relief, only to offer whatever help that I can for the good of mankind." The bird kept watching her and it was intimidating in a way. Its eyes were glassy black, and she couldn't lose the feeling that they were a bit too much like demon eyes.

"Can we beat this?" She waved her hand out to the world.

"There is much that needs to be done. Chaos was beaten back before, but it took considerable work. It was the work of angels and gods. It is not reasonable to assume that a few mortals alone can do this."

"No one ever accused any of us of being reasonable. Guess you think that we are all just crazy for even trying to solve this."

"No, not crazy. You are admirable in your dedication toward seeing a cause through to its completion. I have hope that you will be successful, and regardless of the outcome, you have my support." The bird raised its wings out in an impressive stretch that brushed Claire's arm a little.

"What should I call you?" The bird looked at her with its head tipped a little. "What's your name?"

"My name is cursed. You should not call me anything." The bird shuffled away a few feet.

"Wow, way to be all intense and emo." Then in a mocking tone, her best mimic of the bird's deep cadences she added, "I have no name. All is darkness, like my soul. My favorite author is dead. Edgar Allen Poe wrote happy feel good stories." She amused herself into a fit of laughter. The bird came back to her.

"Once again, I must ask if you are okay. You seem to have lost some of the sanity that you seemed to have earlier." It tipped its head again.

She was still laughing when she said, "I'm fine. You are a riot though."

"I'm calm. I do not see how I could be compared to rampant destruction in this moment, albeit in the past the description would have been apt."

She snorted out another laugh at that. "Really? Really, are you for real?" She drummed her fingers on the roof a bit at her sides. "I'm gonna call you Nevermore, like the Poe bird until you tell me your name. Unless, of course, you prefer a more feminine name like Lenore."

"Nevermore suits me fine."

"Okay, then Nevermore it is. Now, tell me how we solve this here crisis."

"I can only speak to how it was solved before. There were no humans to worry over then. In fact, Chaos was not a destructive force. It just was. We made it into something else."

"You make it sound like it was a being." She felt the swish of Nevermore's feathers as they brushed across her hands again.

"It was, is. Your Christian biblical story got some of the concept right when it said, And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.' However, there are implications that it all happened within just days of mankind becoming a sentient presence on earth. This is not the case and would have caused a great deal of trouble for all of us."

"So, what changed things? I mean, how did it go from being a being just minding its own business to this destructive force that we have now?"

"We used it for creation. The Host and the gods wanted, craved an act of creation. We wanted to bring forth creatures that would, for lack of a better word, entertain us. And humanity was entertaining. In fact, it was more than that, you have been inspiring. Regardless, we dove into the darkness, manipulated it into new forms. In the end, life sprang up from it. It was crude and still a bit chaotic, but it was life. We brought forth plants and sea creatures. The first plants were the ancestors of many of your poisonous plants, your nightshades and such." Nevermore hopped up onto the pop-out. "The boy is coming out to join you. Shall I peck at his face until he departs, or do you want his company?"

She stifled a laugh, "I don't mind him joining me." She could hear the shuffling moves of Kevin or Freddy over the shingles and leaned past the pop-out to watch his cautious approach. "I'd be careful If I were you. Falling will lead to broken bones, and I'm pretty sure that we don't have a fully functional hospital at this time."

"Heard you talking to someone out here and didn't want to miss the party." Kevin threw a glance up at Nevermore who just looked down at him in silence.

"Kevin, meet Nevermore. Nevermore, meet Kevin." She nodded up to him. Kevin reached up as if to shake hands. Nevermore pecked him.

"Ouch." Kevin yelped and pulled his hand back. "I'm a former prophet of the Lord you stupid bird." Claire laughed at him and had to bite it back with her fist in her mouth.

Nevermore hopped down in front of him, "I apologize. I did not recognize you in this form."

"What do you mean, you didn't recognize me? Have we met?" Kevin sounded concerned, and pulled his pecked hand to his chest.

"Just once, but it was enough. I'm sorry." With that Nevermore flew up into the sky until they could no longer see him.

"Uh, what just happened?" Claire asked, still looking up into the sky.

"Your guess is as good as mine. It is worrisome though, seeing as most of the supernatural creatures that I have met either wanted me dead or were wanting me alive for their usually awful purposes." He seemed to curl in on himself a little and she felt a sudden pity for him. She inched down the inclining roof, bringing them a little closer.

"So, couldn't sleep huh?"

"Not with you two jibber jabbering out here. Plus, I'm kinda not much for sleep. Freddy's body requires it a little, but I don't. So, consequently, I often find myself leaving him during those hours to go haunting corners or whatnot." Claire looked at him funny. "What? I get bored."

"So, tonight you decided that he didn't need sleep though?"

"Nah, he got a few hours in. We're good." Kevin inched closer. "Don't you worry about falling?"

"It's not that steep."

"Hmm, tell that to my nerves."

"You could always go back in. No one is forcing you out here." She laughed at him a little again.

"Nah, I like the idea of talking with someone that is neither my mother or my body."

"That sounded way odd, just so you know."

"Not as odd as the reality of it. It's been an odd year. Mom and I have been kinda a demon fighting duo. She toyed with the idea of me going off to college via Freddy's body, but we never did work that out. Plus, I think I'm a little beyond that path now."

"So, you basically became a hunter then?" Claire could feel a type of coldness coming off of Kevin. It was an odd thing since proximity to people usually brought warmth. It was probably a ghost thing, she thought.

"Mostly. Mom and I look for cases and kill demons, so I guess that makes us hunters." While he was speaking, Claire felt a sudden pulse pass through her. She recognized it as Castiel. It was sorrowful. She felt the emotion of it pour through her and her eyes began to tear up. Kevin seemed to notice and reached out to her. "It's not a sad life or anything. No need to cry."

"It's not that. It's…" She swiped at her eyes quickly, dashing away the tears there. "I can't explain it properly. I sometimes pick up on things from Castiel, feelings and such. I think something is wrong."

"Like what?"

"He was sad, and not just a little." She got up then and held onto the side of the pop-out readying herself for the shuffle back inside, back to her phone. She did not think that a prayer would be enough.

"Wait, I'll go with you. I'm not so confident with the standing and walking up here though. He slowly scooted back and gripped the side of the pop-out. His foot started to slip, and Claire reached out swiftly and pulled him back from the fall. "Shit. Thanks."

There was a sound in the distance, a low hum coming from the darkness. They both turned to it together. "What's that?" There was movement in the dark, bodies. Claire firmed up her grip on Kevin's arm more. "Are those children?"

"I don't think so." His voice was a low whisper, shuddering out to her. "Look at their faces."

She had to squint to see them, but they did not seem to have faces. They were surrounding the property line. Their bodies pressed side to side with each other. They stared without staring up from the darkness directly at them on the roof.

 


	11. Chapter 11

"What do we do?" Dean's voice was low and harsh in the too quiet car. Cas still had his arm across Dean's chest and seemed to have no plans toward removing it.

"I think we drive." Cas was staring straight ahead at the faceless creatures. They were not moving. They were all around the car.

Dean slipped on his seatbelt. Cas shuddered a bit at his side. "They are the formless ones. The creatures that were left unfinished during creation."

"What do you mean?" Dean was reluctant to turn away from them, but he wanted to see Cas' face, feel grounded by it's confidence.

Dean glanced at him and did not see confidence. He instead saw fear. "When the old ones dove into Chaos to make all that lives, there were false starts, creative beginnings that never went anywhere. These creatures are the products of those failed attempts at creation. Some of them were visited later by Lucifer, sculpted into very special demons."

"So, these are not our friends." Dean looked steadily out at the one that stood right in front of the car's hood. The flesh stretched taut over what should have been its face began to writhe and reshape.

It spoke. "Come out and play."

"Go, Cas." Cas didn't move. Dean grabbed his arm and squeezed it. "Go, Cas!" It seemed to snap him out of it a little. He slammed on the accelerator, and the car made an angry squeal of tires on road. The engine roared, and they did not move.

The creature had its hands rested on the hood of the car. The writhing mass of skin on its face stretched out as though something inside of it was trying to escape. Cas stopped pressing on the accelerator. The creature seemed to be growing. Dean reached back behind the seat for the duffle bag that he hoped was there. It was. He pulled it to the front and began looking for something that might be an appropriate weapon. Suddenly, the window next to him was populated by another writhing face. Cas' window was also occupied. "It seems as though they can't get in, but they can hold us here." Cas was quiet.

"Well, that's not a good thing. What do they want?" The one at the hood of the car had grown to about 5 and a half feet. It no longer resembled a child. It had the build of a woman. The face morphed and stretched again, and then it became almost human. A mouth split across the bottom and darkness pooled up where eyes should have been. Cas' hand sat on the bench seat between them. Dean reached down to it and squeezed it. He wasn't sure why this seemed reasonable, but he did it anyway. "You okay, Cas?" Cas looked pale and his eyes seemed to be pinched and fearful.

"It is trying to communicate with me. It is unpleasant."

"What is it saying?" Dean squeezed his hand again, keeping him focussed, he hoped on the moment.

"It is trying to draw out my emotions, sorrow in particular." Cas closed his eyes and dropped his head.

Dean reached over and pulled Cas close. "Come on, don't let them get to you. Why make you feel emotions? That doesn't make sense." Dean was really just trying to keep Cas focused.

"An angel governed by emotions is a dangerous thing. They want me to crack. They want me to become unstable. They know that I am already a little broken."

"What do you mean, a little broken. You aren't broken, Cas." Dean felt irritation rising in him over the fact that they were twisting him up. He grabbed his face and made him look at him. "You aren't broken," he said with more force.

"I am, and they are using it." He looked out the front of the car and said, "Oh no."

Dean followed his gaze and saw that the creature at the hood had completely transformed. It was Charlie. "Oh shit, no." Dean let go of Cas and moved to the door. Cas grabbed him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going out to her." Dean was moving again to open the door.

"No. It's not her." Cas seemed to be more focused now. He gripped Dean's arm until it hurt.

Dean looked from his arm to Charlie and back to Cas. "Hello, bitches. You here to let me die again?"

Dean turned back to Charlie. Her smirk dark, her hand curled up at her side in a tight fist. "Charlie." Dean's words a near whisper.

"It's not her, Dean," Cas said again.

"It's her." Dean reached out to the dash and leaned toward her.

"It's me, Dean." He could hear her words almost like there was nothing between them, like she was in his head or at least in the car.

"I'm so sorry." Dean leaned closer, hand reaching out to the window.

"Sorry doesn't bring me back. Nothing's gonna bring me back."

"She's not real, Dean. It's not Charlie." Cas squeezed his arm again and Dean looked back at him for a moment before turning again to Charlie.

"I killed them, all of them for what they did to you." His voice was a low husky thing. Her mouth curled up with the words.

"You killed all of the men responsible for my death?" She lowered her hands again to the hood and uncurled her fingers, long and clawlike out onto the dark metal. She looked up through a dip of her head, past her dark eyelashes, her red hair nearly obscuring her face. "All of them?"

"All of them," Dean answered.

"Not all of them," she said with a tip of her head.

"Dean, don't listen to her. Focus on me, on my voice. But even Cas seemed to be struggling with something. His eyes squinted and a tear seemed to be forming at the edge. Dean was focused on that for a moment, the tear on the precipice of falling.

"You let some of them live." Charlie's voice pooled in his mind and he turned back to her.

"I didn't. I even killed a child. It was wrong, and I did it." Dean's eyes felt wet, his cheeks too.

"Yet you didn't kill your brother or the angel. And they certainly had a hand in this. You certainly did not end your own life. And I would be alive now if you hadn't done the monumentally stupid things that you did. How much would the world benefit from all of you just ending?" She dragged her nails back and forth across the hood. He could almost hear the scratch, and his skin perked up in goosebumps.

"I'm so sorry." He felt his body shaking.

Cas clutched at his chin and forced Dean to look at him. "Push her out of your head, Dean. You are not responsible for her death."

Cas was shaking too. Dean tried to focus on him. He could feel something course through him, like warm water pouring over his mind. "Hmm, Dean." Charlie's voice again. "You let the angel pluck out bits of you. Why'd you let him do that?" Her words felt like razors slicing him open. "There's holes in here."

"Focus on me, Dean." Cas' voice was a calm stream, warm and inviting. He could feel the warmth moving through him. He could feel the holes though too. Charlie was probing at them, he thought. He felt his mind reeling from the intensity of their presence within it. He was shaking. The spaces were being filled by something, Charlie? The spaces felt like gravel in glass. The gravel jarring in its presence, seemed like it wanted to break him. Then Cas spoke again, just one word. "Dean." He could feel some of the emptiness filling, not with something so sharp, but instead with something familiar. All of that was contained in Cas' one word. He had spoken Dean's name countless times before, but this time was different. This time, there was something like magic in the speaking of it.

"You are not Charlie." He said the words aloud, hoping that it would be enough. He repeated them again, this time with more force. "You are not Charlie." He faced her, and she leaned more fully into the space in front of the car. Her torso swooped down almost parallel to the hood, her elbows jutted out at her sides like wings. There was a noise, like screaming that surrounded the car. A bright array of lights came down on them in streaks. Cas let go of Dean, and Dean felt the warm traces of Cas retreating from his mind as well. He assumed that it was Cas, the warmth, as it had been familiar. Something else was in his head now too, something like a memory that was lingering just beyond a foggy bay. He could almost make sense of it, but now was not a time for deep thinking.

The light came down from the sky in sharp blasts. They pierced the creatures that surrounded them. The screaming continued, only now it was more than the bird-like screech, and now it was more agonizing, almost human. The creatures were creating an unholy noise with each blast of light that passed through them. The space around the car was growing brighter and brighter. The light began swirling around the car now in a tornado of wind and howling force.

"I think you should try to drive." Dean shook Cas out of his reverie and gestured wildly ahead.

Cas slammed on the accelerator and the car actually moved forward. The creatures moved aside. Some just fell to the ground. Once it felt like they had driven over something, but Dean did not dwell too much on that. The light stayed with them for a time, swirling around them faster and faster. Cas accelerated more. Dean gripped the seat beneath him. "Claire." Cas said the name without preamble.

"What about her?" Dean was splitting his attention between the road ahead and Cas.

"She's afraid. The creatures are around her home. She wants to know what to do." He looked to Dean then as they kept moving forward. The light was slowing in its fight. Cas slowed too. The light stopped and everything was still. Around the car there was nothing alarming, no creatures, no Charlie, no whatever was tormenting Cas. There was just light coming from somewhere. Dean leaned into the dash and peered up to the sky. There were birds there, like the ones that he had seen in the last town. They were circling the sky above the Impala as though they were predators circling the body of their next meal. Cas leaned forward and looked up too. Cas closed his eyes a moment and gripped the steering wheel.

"Are you okay?" Dean reached out to him, pressing his hand to his shoulder.

"I'm fine. I'm sending feelings to Claire. She needs to be brave. I can at least give her that." He straightened in his seat. Then he said, "We can go now." Dean removed his hand from Cas' shoulder and watched him move the car onward, the light following them on their path toward Muncie.

* * *

They ran through the house that had already been roused as if they all felt the change simultaneously. "Did you see them?" Alex asked as she came to Claire's side.

"I did. They don't have faces." Claire felt the brush of Alex's arm against hers. It was cold. She grabbed a jacket from the coat rack by the front door and tossed it to Alex.

"Don't need this. It's too bulky for fighting in." Alex was about to toss it back.

Jody stepped over to them with Donna and Sam at her side. "Put the coat on Alex. It's cold." Jody didn't give her a chance to argue. Instead, she stalked off out the door.

Linda came into the room and turned to Kevin. "What's happening?"

"There are creepy, faceless creatures surrounding the house," Kevin answered quickly as they each moved out to the porch with the others.

"Weapons?" Kevin seemed to understand what she was asking without any further explanation.

"They seem too solid for poltergeists, too inhuman to be ghouls, and too similar to each other to be much of anything that we have experience with, so I'd take iron or an angel blade. Angel blade seems like the smart move." He rattled it all off quickly. Linda went to the hall closet where she had apparently stowed some of her gear. She pull out an angel blade like the one she had seen Castiel carrying. She tossed it to Kevin and pulled out a second one for herself.

Claire had grabbed her duffle bag on the way down the stairs and was pulling out the angel sword. Sam walked up to her. "You're not seriously thinking of fighting them?" It was almost more of a statement than a question.

"Why not, Sam? It worked with the bird straps. I think that it'll work on them." The house was still bathed in light; although, it was not as strong as it had been before. There was a creature standing a little to the front of the others. It's not face was stretching and moving in a sickening fashion. Alex stepped toward it.

"No." She said the one word and everyone turned to her.

"Alex. What's going on?" Jody had her mom voice. She moved to Alex's side and put her hand on her shoulder.

"It's my mom. She's calling me. She wants me to come to her. Don't you hear her? They have her out there." Alex looked at Jody like her whole world was agony. Her eyes darted back to the creature that was now taller than the others. Claire noticed the one next to it had become smaller. The hair on its head shrinking back into the scalp, the color lightening as it did.

"It's not real," Jody said, but even she was starting to shake as she looked at the small creature.

Claire could not hear what was being said to Alex, but the small one developed a mouth, a wide gaping maw of darkness. It opened up wide and from out of it came the word, "Mommy."

Jody shook and crumbled to the ground beside Alex. Her hands flew to her mouth as she stared wide-eyed at the creature. "No, no, no, no." She was rocking back on her heels a bit, clutching her mouth as she stared straight ahead.

"Mommy, it's dark." The mouth spilled out words again. The creature was beginning to look more human. Jody stood and made a move toward the creature. Two unsure hands stretched out ahead of her. Donna was immediately in front of her.

"Don't you even think about going there, Jody Mills. Don't you even." She grabbed Jody's arms and gave her a shake. "I don't know what that thing is saying to you, but you look at me. You don't go there. Not one step, you hear me?" Jody did not look like she was hearing her, but she nodded eventually.

"Are you hearing anything from them, Claire," Sam asked.

"No, you?" She replied.

"Not yet, but I think that they are concentrating on just them." Sam pulled out a gun and leveled it at the female creature. It was now much more human in its appearance. He aimed and pulled the trigger. The noise that blasted out was too loud in the quiet dark. Alex fell to the ground as the noise rocketed out. Claire moved to her side and braced her up in her arms.

"Alex?" She leaned into her ear a little. "Come on, be okay." Alex began convulsing. Her eyes rolled up in her head. Sam aimed at the other creature, the child sized one. He fired. When the bullet struck the creature, Jody fell too. Donna had her though.

"Jody?" She pulled her close to her chest and then turned to Sam. "I don't think that you should be shooting them anymore. They're hurting Jody and Alex." She sounded calm, and Claire just wanted to yell. She instead sent out a prayer. Cas, I'm scared. There are creatures. They are hurting Jody and Alex. They don't have faces. Tell me what to do. There was likely nothing that he could do, but she needed something. She settled Alex down to the earth and stood with the sword.

"We need to fight them." Sam was at her side. "They are getting into the light, and into their heads. We're next."

Sam nodded, "I agree. Any suggestions?"

"Go down swinging." She raised the sword and moved toward them. Sam fell into step at her side. She looked past him and noticed that Linda stood at his side with her angel blade. Kevin moved to her left and Claire could feel the coldness radiating from him as he raised his angel blade in front of him.

"You don't mind company, right?" Linda's mouth curled up into a grim look of happy determination.

"The more the merrier," Sam said. "Careful out there. Try to fight from inside the light. Don't listen to them, and don't let it pull you in." They reached the edge of the light and the two creatures that Sam had shot down were laying in the dirt, no blood surrounding them. They had also reverted back to their original forms, faceless.

Another one stepped toward them, its face contorting in the way that the others had before it. "We need to take it down before it changes. This is when it is reading us. I can feel it." Claire raised her sword and brought it down on the creature. The sword cut through the creature like it was made of soft clay. It fell to the ground in a wet sounding flop.

It did not move. Another stepped forward. "That seemed too easy," Kevin said. He stabbed the creature in its head. It fell to the ground. More began coming to them. They each began slashing at them, and although it was easy to defeat them, there seemed to be no end in sight for this particular onslaught. The four of them formed a tight knot with their backs to each other. They moved out from each other just slightly to maximize their fighting stances. They slashed out with their weapons. Sam just shot them until he ran out of bullets. He then began stabbing at the creatures with a rather small blade, containing intricate patterns.

Claire noticed that his moves were graceful and skilled. He balanced himself in a way that seemed like he could leap out in an instant. He held out one arm almost like a shield and the other moved up, out, and through the onslaught of creatures. The crowd of them around their little cluster was growing. They slashed away. Claire managed to take down two at once with a wide curving slice. Kevin and Linda were quick with their moves, almost identical.

Claire was drawn out of her single-minded fighting. She did not know how long it had lasted. Then, a voice called out to her. "Claire!" She turned toward it. It was then that she noticed just how far they had gotten from the light. Alex, Jody, and Donna were standing at the edge of the light, some thirty feet away. "They're leading you away. Come back." The others seemed to notice at the same time. The creatures weren't easy; they were just expendable. They seemed to be trying to draw them into the dark.

As if they all just understood the need to return, they began fighting their way back to the house. The swarm of creatures increased in numbers on the side nearest the house. There were almost no creatures on the other side. They pushed on but made no progress. Claire could see Alex just past the slashing motions of her sword. Alex had gotten a hold of an impressive scimitar "Damn it Alex. You aren't going." Jody tried to grab her arm, but Alex shrugged her off. Donna ran back to the house and came out with two swords that had been leaning on the back wall of the hall closet. Claire had seen them there before, and had even tested them out. Alex was already slashing away at the creatures nearest the light. She was making her way to the cluster.

"Alex, wait for us!" Jody shouted at her. Alex, to her credit, did slow up a little. Claire smiled a little since she knew just was an accomplishment that was for her.

"Back to back. Pair off. Mom, back to Sam." Kevin ordered and they complied.

"Keep making yourselves move toward the house. They don't want us there, so we need to be there." Sam slashed out at a small creature, or maybe it just looked small next to Sam's tall frame.

Alex swung out her scimitar in sweeping arcs on either side. Jody had managed to get close to her, but she kept a little distance in order to keep out of Alex's range. Donna was at Jody's back. Her fighting style was more brute force stabbing. She was quick, but there was something about how she looked when she fought. Claire thought for a moment, that she was putting a whole lot of anger into each swipe. On the battlefield, Donna apparently let her inner demons out. Her mouth was a tight line, and her eyes looked like they were calculating out five steps into the future. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail that whipped out from side to side with each fluid motion that she made.

Alex reached them. Her face beaming out with the joy of an accomplished mission. "You all looked like you were having all of the fun without me." She smirked as she swung out her scimitar at a creature that loomed out next to Claire. It seemed like the creatures were becoming more vicious. Another one of them swooped toward Claire, its face a taut stretching mass, writhing evermore toward her. Alex swung at it at the same time that Claire did.

"Keep moving back toward the house." Kevin leaned back into her as he spoke.

"I'm moving as much as I can. I think they are getting worse. It's like that cartoon with the brooms." Claire stopped talking and slashed back at two creatures that were reaching for her.

Alex yelled, "Yeah, like the Sorcerer's Apprentice." Alex slashed out with her scimitar and she did not see the creature at her back. Clair lunged forward, pushing her aside as the creature grabbed her. It held Claire's face and pushed its own facelessness to her. The stretch of its skin on her felt sick and wet.

"Everyone you love will die, because of you. It's how it has always been. You know it is true." She felt like she couldn't move. The creature's hands moved up her face, cupping her cheeks.

"Claire!" She felt like she was losing consciousness. A light suddenly blazed out bright and fiery overhead. She felt her body slipping to the ground.

A deep voice called out from overhead. "Close your eyes!" She closed her eyes and felt the warmth, nearly too hot all across her skin. The creature was no longer holding her. It must have been keeping her a little upright, because now she fell the rest of the way to the ground. The light was so bright that she could almost see it past her lids. There was screaming now, an inhuman wail that surrounded them all. Next was a wind, howling around them. The light seemed to be moving with the wind. She felt hands on her, not like before, but they were gentle, and stroked back her hair from her face.

"You can open your eyes, Claire." The voice said, close to her ear.

Claire couldn't move. She felt like a weight was sitting on her chest. Stronger arms pressed beneath her, and she felt her body heave up into the air. "I got her." Sam's voice was low and reassuring.

"She's gonna be alright?" It was more a question than a statement. Alex sounded worried. "She was trying to save me from that thing. I should have been paying attention. Shit, shit, shit. Why didn't I pay attention?"

Jody spoke then, "She'll be okay. We just need to get her inside, check her for injuries." She felt a hand on her arm. "She's a good fighter. Gotta wonder where she got her skills. Brave too. When I was her age, I wouldn't have been able to handle that sort of thing."

Donna spoke then, "Jody, we need to look at you too. Looks like your whole side is cut open."

"It's nothing." Jody's hand squeezed her. "Check on Claire first."

They were apparently mounting the steps and going into the house. She could hear the screen door closing with a slam. She felt her body being lowered to the hard floor. They were pulling off her jacket and probing at her sides and arms. Her mind felt like it was swimming with images and light. She could hardly concentrate. She wanted to open her eyes, tell them all that she was fine, but instead she let go, and let her mind fall into a more complete darkness.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait; DCBB took a lot longer than I thought that it would. The updates will now happen regularly. This should get us to the end before the new season starts.

The long dark hall was only illuminated with a pale green glow that emanated from the energy cupped in her hand. The darkness seemed to swirl around the woman in iratic fascination. There was an abrupt turn in the hall that took her to a door. It was marked in such a way as to obscure it from view. The average person would think that the hall ended. She was not average, far from it actually.

Her lip curled up into a smile that wrinkled her nose a little too. She closed her eyes for a moment and seemed to concentrate on the space around her. The markings around the door glowed. The door shuddered. She reached out her hand and the door opened without her even having to touch it. "Now that was easy." She cast her gaze around the space, taking in the "magic" that had been used to guard the space. "Amateurs." She dragged out the word like a curse and moved into the space. Her heart beat faster with the anticipation of her next move.

It wasn't kindness that brought her here. It was necessity. The girl could be useful, and she needed her, just like they had needed her. It would have been foolish to have killed her. She knew that they had been wrong. She knew that they had missed this. So she paid attention, learned what she needed to learn before making her way to this exact spot. She knew that it would gain her exactly what she wanted, needed.

She moved into the room and saw what she was looking for immediately. There were others, to be sure, but they were irrelevant, spare parts. They had taken pains to keep this one whole and useful. They had plans for her. They needed her mind, like Rowena needed her mind. What this one knew mattered more than her collected parts. They would not harvest from her for their own immortality. Well, actually, they wouldn't be doing anything anymore now.

She held the light in her hand up over her body and began unhooking her from the machines and tubes that ran to her body and veins. She could have continued on in this manner for some time. It was an impressive set-up, needing little to actually no supervision to maintain this life. It bothered Rowena though. It felt dirty and crass. They had split her into her two beings, the essences of her personality that had been fractured before. She should have been dead. One half dies and the other half dies, those are the rules, yet somehow this one lives.

Rowena spoke in a low deep growl of words. She waved her fingers about, and the orb of light hovered over her shoulder. She laid her hands now on the body in front of her. Rowena's fingers spread out, covering more space. She spoke again, old words snaking out in a way that made them almost seem visible. Her body shook with the effort and a bright blue white glow coursed from her into the body.

She smiled, a cruel smile as she looked up to the ceiling. "Ah, he'll be feeling that for a spell now won't he." A slight laugh trickled out of her. She leaned in close to her ear. "Open your eyes, dearie." It was silent in the room save only for the deeply accented cadences of her honeyed words. "Let's go take a look at the world that you helped make." There was a little stirring movement. Her hand shot up and gripped Rowena's throat.

She sat up straight and looked into Rowena's eyes from mere inches away, not releasing her hold on the witch's neck. "Well, Merry Christmas."

* * *

The Impala rocketed down the empty stretch of road. Up ahead there was light. They were driving to it. Dean was worrying the frayed edge of his shirt between his thumb and forefinger. The darkness had said some things that were eating at his conscious. He did not know how much of it to believe, and the one person he could ask was an angel that was hardly going to be the one to give him usable answers.

Yet, he wanted answers, usable or otherwise. He kept glancing at him in small doses.  _The darkness had said that Cas had plucked out parts._ That lone comment could have been cast aside as just a manipulation, the darkness trying to drive a wedge between them, except… And that was the thing that kept eating at Dean. There had been a tone to the communication. The creature, if one could call it that, it had seemed confused. There was wonder in its tone. It had even asked why.

Then there was Cas. He either didn't hear the creature's words or he was avoiding the subject. If he was avoiding, the question Dean had was also, why. He turned to Cas a little more now and asked, "Could you hear all of the things that she was saying to me?"

Cas seemed to slow up marginally. The light was seeming to become brighter as they drew nearer to it. It was still miles away. "Yes." He didn't elaborate, and Dean considered what that meant. He could still feel something odd in his mind as he tried to navigate around his memories, which were still problematic.

"She asked why I let you pluck out bits from my head. What did she mean?" He watched Cas' face for a tell. He was a stoic Goddamn angel though, and somehow he had mastered the art of emotional retreat where his face was concerned.

When he spoke it was in a monotone. "The darkness strives to create disorder. It is chaos. If you can be made to doubt or fear, if you can act on emotions, then it has accomplished its purpose."

Dean considered that, but it was hardly the most direct manner by which one could elicit an emotional response from him. There were many, many better methods. He filed Cas' answer away among the mental files that he kept for further perusal. The interaction with the darkness and also with Cas had done something. He felt like something was tickling away at the inside of his mind, some memory that was warm and good. It was odd to feel that when the reality around them was so dire and maybe hopeless.

They drove on, and Dean let his mind sift through the feelings. There was something in the way that Cas had helped. He had, Dean was sure, sent his grace through him in an effort to push out the darkness. They would need to check the protections on the car more. Clearly the darkness was growing stronger, since it could now get through with a bit of effort. He focused again though on the grace. Cas had slipped through him, into his mind, making certain things stand out. There had been gaps. The missing memories that had been blamed on the darkness were still missing. That made sense. What didn't make sense was the way that the darkness questioned it. Why question something that it obviously created?

And that was the real question that was bothering him. It could be as Cas had said, the creation of doubt and fear, but it wasn't. Dean knew that. This lead him down another path, a path that he did not like. It was too much like before, too much like the time when Cas was working with Crowley.  _He's different now though. He learned from that._  He tried to convince himself, but there it was,  _doubt._  "Are you okay, Cas?"

"I'm fine." He didn't sound fine. He sounded bothered, upset, uncomfortable. It didn't help that he used the one phrase that Dean patently hated. They were never fine. There was never a good reason for any of them to use that phrase. Nothing was fine; they would never be fine; they never had been fine; fine is a stupid lie of a word that Dean would burn if he could.

Instead he just huffed out a sound of mild frustration and stared ahead. Another mile and Cas said, "Are you okay, Dean?"

And because Dean was irritated with Cas, he said, "I'm fine," in the most sarcastic tone he could muster. Cas seemingly picked up on it, slowing down even more, letting out a deep sigh as he did so.

"You're angry." His voice was quiet in the dark car.

"You're damn right I'm angry." Dean didn't know how to explain his anger, so he left it at that.

Of course, Cas did not allow that. "Why?"

"Because I am." He leaned his head against the glass next to him. He stared off at the darkness that obscured everything. There were little swirls of light occasionally that came from the birds that darted around the vehicle as it drove. Other than that, there was nothing beyond the glass.

"Dean, it was not Charlie. You also do not need to feel guilty for her death. That guilt lies with Sam and I." He sped up marginally.

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but okay." He sat up again. "You didn't know. You couldn't have done anything to save her."

"I should have watched her better. I let her out of my sight. I am to blame for her death." He drove faster, and Dean twisted in his seat a little more.

"So you aren't fine?" Dean said with mild irritation creeping up in his voice.

"I am fine enough. Let it be." Cas looked at him past a squint.

"Fine."

"So you are not fine either?" Cas slowed up again. They were almost close enough to the light to identify the shapes of the buildings.

"I'm not. The fact that I can't remember things is upsetting. The fact that I just had a conversation with Charlie, and not Charlie is upsetting. What's worse is I think that there is something that you aren't telling me." He watched Cas take that in.

"I believe that the darkness has caused you to doubt. I am, as I have always been, on your side." He glanced over at Dean, and the look was sincere. Dean considered it for a moment.

"Okay, Cas." He sat up straighter. "You'd tell me if there was something though, right? I mean, you wouldn't try to protect me from something by keeping me in the dark?" He looked out ahead and laughed a little at the pun.

Cas let his lip curl up into a small smile and said, "If there was something that you needed to know, something that would help you, I would tell you."

Dean reached out to him then and rested his hand on his shoulder. "I mean it, Cas. It can't be like it was before. You and Sam, you thought that you were protecting me by not telling me things. You can't do that. Secrets get people killed. Just remember Charlie. Don't keep things from me." He squeezed his shoulder a little to emphasize the point.

"Okay, Dean." His tone had shifted, and Dean wondered if he was about to say more. Dean looked ahead so that Cas would feel less like he was being pressured into speech. "I have some…"

"Holy shit," Dean interrupted. "It's the Elysian Fields Hotel." He looked at Cas then and saw the concern. "Do you think that…"

"There was a lot of death here when Lucifer was last present, human and otherwise." The otherwise in that statement was the real point of focus. "The gods that perished here would have left something behind, an essence of their former selves. Gabriel too…" Cas' voice tapered off.

"Do you think that Gabriel is the one that has summoned us here?"

"Perhaps, or one of the gods. The others have been angels though, so I am inclined toward believing that it is him." There was a slight uptick to Cas' tone, as if he was happy with the possibility.

"You do remember that he killed me about three hundred times or so just to prove a point?" Dean huffed out with a bit of frustration.

"He certainly had his methods. I suppose that it wasn't so different though from another angel that beat you to within an inch of your life in an alley to prove a point." Cas smiled over at him. It was strange that this was an endearing moment in Dean's mind.

"Funny how you all show me that you care. Maybe next time you all should just take a trek down to Hallmark." They were turning onto the last stretch of road to the hotel, a glorified driveway. There were birds flying over it. Suddenly, Cas' hands gripped the steering wheel as though all of his muscles had seized up. His head shot back. He swerved. Dean grabbed the steering wheel and jerked them back to the road, stretching his leg across the floor to the brake. With some effort, he got the car straightened out and stopped. He shifted into park while Cas was stiff and somewhat still. "Cas!" Dean yelled as he cupped the sides of his face in his hands. He pulled his head back down. "Come on Cas, talk to me."

Cas let out a low moan and then he began shaking. Dean pulled him out of the driver's seat and wormed his way into the spot instead. He drove toward the light. "My grace." The words slipped out painfully from his clenched lips.

"You'll be okay. Gonna get you to the light. Gonna get you to safety." He shot into the front parking lot of the hotel. The light was bright and blue around them, an eerie reminder of how it had been so long ago with Lucifer and the gods. Dean got out and rounded the car to the passenger's side door. He opened it and called out to anyone that might hear him. "Somebody help me!" The world was silent. He reached in and pulled out Cas' stiffened body. "Come on buddy. I got you." He held Cas up in his arms and tried to move him to the hotel. Cas flailed a bit, and Dean lost his grip. "Shit." He dropped Cas. He heard the crunching of gravel under feet.

Dean looked up and saw cowboy boots and jean clad legs coming toward him. "You need a doctor?" The familiar smirk and the knowing squint came down to face him in a half squat.

"Gabriel." Dean pulled Cas up from the ground a little, trying to heft him up onto his feet again.

Before he could really move with him though, Cas seized up again and then his eyes shot wide open. He began bleeding rivulets of blood like too many tears. A low growl formed and he lunged toward Dean, who was still holding him. "Whoah," Gabriel said as he reached out a hand between them knocking Cas back onto the ground. Dean fell back as Gabriel stepped between them. "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do this. It just started happening in the car. It happened to him before. A witch cursed him." Dean was scrambling back up to his feet.

"Oh, is that all?" Cas was getting up from where Gabriel had pushed him down. "Get back and cover your eyes." Dean did as he was told. The last thing that he saw was Gabriel reaching out a hand toward Cas' face. Dean shut his eyes and felt the hot blast of what he assumed was grace pulsing out from Gabriel. "Okay," Gabriel said.

Dean opened his eyes. Cas was on the ground, still and somewhat peaceful looking, despite the blood rimmed eyes. "Is he okay?" Dean came closer.

Gabriel came down to a crouch and scooped him up. "He will be. For now he will rest." He carried Cas toward the hotel. Before they got inside, Gabriel turned to him and said, "Well, keep up. We have a lot to talk about."

* * *

There was a cool hand on her head, or maybe a washcloth. She felt weak and was trying to just slip into sleep. "Ouch." The sound that Jody made seemed less like shock and more like an acknowledgement. The hand or washcloth retreated.

"Almost done. You maybe just need one or two more stitches." Sam's voice was clipped and formal.

"When you went upstairs for the kit, did you see Alex?"

"Yeah."

"Was Donna with her?"

"Yeah, she was helping her clean up a cut. It was minor. No need for stitches." Sam huffed out a sigh afterwards. There was a sound of shuffling, like things were being put away.

"How about Kevin and Linda?" Claire could hear Jody's voice drawing closer to her and then the return of something cool pressed to her head.

"They were fine. Not even a slight injury for either of them. They've become surprisingly capable since I last saw them both. I'm impressed." The coolness from Claire's head retreated again.

"Let me look at your head," Jody said.

"It's nothing. I should go clean it though." Sam sounded like he was getting up.

"Sit down, Sam. Let me help." Sam sounded like he was complying. There was more shuffling and then silence. She wondered if they had left, but she knew that she would have heard the movement. Many minutes later, she heard Jody speak again. "You're worried."

"I am." Sam's voice sounded low and husky, or maybe it was just her semi-unconscious mind making it sound like that. He continued, "I had grown complacent. I thought that the girls, at least, were safe from this. They seemed like they had a layer of protection."

"It's more than that though. You keep looking out there, like you're expecting to see something."

"When it told us to close our eyes." He lowered his voice a little more. "It was familiar somehow. I felt like it was familiar before, but I really felt it then, something about the energy that it unleashed."

Jody said, "The bird creature?"

"Yeah. I'm afraid of what we don't know here. I'm afraid of how it can hurt us. If it were just me, I could deal, but it isn't." Sam sounded exhausted. "Sorry. I should focus on fixing this, not on casting negative feelings out toward the one thing that has protected us here."

There was the sound of movement again, and Jody's voice seemed a little hushed. "No, Sam. You're right to question this. Too often we don't question enough. Blind trust will get us nowhere." There was a pause. "We should question it directly, find out what it is, what it wants." They became silent again, but Claire could hear movement.

"Should I come back later?" Alex's voice filled the silence.

"No, come sit with Claire." It sounded like Jody was getting up as she said it. Her words were hurried. "Sam and I need to take care of something outside. Will you watch her and let us know if she wakes up?"

"Of course." Alex sounded close now. "What are you two doing out there?"

Jody said, "We're going to talk with the bird creature. We need to know what it is, what it wants."

Sam added, "Alex, the symbol for Kali…"

"Yeah."

"Is your symbol still in tact?"

"Yes."

"Is Claire's?" Claire felt her clothes being shifted, a little cool air moving over her back.

"Part of it is faded away. Maybe it got messed up during the fight."

"You should fix it for her while we are outside, Alex. Sometimes it is worse to have a partial symbol than it is to have none at all. The corruption of a symbol can give power to one's enemies." She felt a larger hand on her back. She assumed that it was Sam's since his voice was also hovering over her.

"We'll be back in a bit. I put your henna over in the cabinet there." Jody sounded like she was already at the door. She heard the screen door creak open and then slap closed.

"Okay, dofus. I'm gonna fix ya up and then you're gonna stop with the lazy routine. I know you hear me Claire. So, don't even think that I'm gonna let you do this for more than a few more minutes." Alex's hands smoothed over her back. They were warm and gentle. Her movements there lingered for a time before she began applying the henna to her back again. Claire felt the fog from her mind lifting as Alex worked her magic.

She listened to Alex hum as she worked, her one hand dabbing the design into place. Her other hand rubbing soothing circles into her skin. It was nice, and made her content to just keep on laying there. The humming became louder, but it was also more calming too. It filled the room and seemed to lay on her like a barrier between the world and the encroaching darkness. The hand that placed the henna ceased in its labors. The other hand still ran over her back in slow sweeps. After a time, Alex reached up and brushed back hair that had fallen into Claire's face. She tucked the strands behind Claire's ear and then leaned in close. She settled a kiss on Claire's temple.

She moved over Claire's ear and said, "Wake up sleeping beauty."

Claire opened her eyes and without missing a beat said, "Does that make you the prince?"

"Idiot." Alex leaned back then and glared at her. "Knew you'd wake up if I mocked you."

"That's what you want to call that?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then." Claire felt the ache in her muscles as she shifted onto her side. "I feel like I was dragged behind a truck. Everyone else okay?"

"Yeah, they're all fine." Alex shifted back closer and helped Claire get up a little more.

Claire shifted a bit more, and now she was sitting. "Sam and Jody went to talk with the bird, right?"

"You heard that?"

"Yeah. I was able to hear everything. I just couldn't respond. It was weird. I felt like I was trapped. Then you did the henna thing, and I could feel something change."

"And yet, you kept on laying there like a bum." Alex rolled her eyes at her.

"Maybe I was waiting for a personal invitation to consciousness." Claire smirked. "I did get up when you asked me to."

"Shut-up." Alex slugged her in the shoulder.

"Ow."

"Oh, sorry. Too hard huh?"

"Yeah. Did kinda get beat up protecting your sorry ass out there ya know." Claire donned a look of mock hurt.

"Thanks for that by the way." Alex dipped her head a little. Her voice was lower and sounded more sincere. "I owe ya."

"You don't. I think that this is just going to be what we do. I'll have your back, and you'll have mine. Okay Alex?"

In answer Alex smiled at her pushed an arm around her waist. "Here, let me help you get up. You need to go to bed. I think that it is legitimately night time."

Alex hefted her up and balanced her a little against her side. "Haven't I rested enough?"

"That wasn't rest, that was something else entirely." They moved around the couch together. "Oh, I was supposed to tell Jodes if you woke up." They moved to the screen and peered out. Sam and Jody were standing at the other end of the porch. The bird was balanced on the porch beam. Alex pushed the screen open a little, announcing their presence with the screech.

Jody looked back at them. The bird spoke though, before she did. "I see that the girl is okay."

Jody said, "Are you okay?"

"I am. Alex is going to help me up to my room. I'm gonna get some sleep."

"You do that." Jody nodded. Sam looked back at them too. He brow was scrunched together. His look was grave. He nodded to them as well. Alex moved Claire back into the house.

They took the stairs slowly. They got to Claire's room and closed the door behind them. She helped her out of her shoes and into her blankets. She sat on the edge of the bed next to Claire and looked down at her. "You gonna be okay?"

Claire felt about in her mind. Things felt odd. She could sense sorrow and other waves of emotions competing for dominance in her mind. "I think that Cas is upset. I can feel him."

"Oh." Alex looked concerned. "Does that affect you?"

"It makes me feel sorry for him." Claire's tone was bordering on offended.

"I didn't mean it that way. I meant, does it hurt you, physically?" Alex kicked off her shoes with the question and scooted down onto the bed, laying at Claire's side.

"Comfy?" Alex nodded. "It doesn't hurt physically, but I feel his emotions like they are mine."

Claire pulled the blankets out from under Alex and tossed them over her. "Why is he upset?"

Claire moved closer to Alex, and Alex curved herself around Claire. She slipped an arm over her, and Claire accepted this. It was warmer now in the cocoon of blankets. "I'm not sure, but I think that something bad happened to them. I should call him, or Dean maybe."

"Sleep first. It's been a long day." Alex nuzzled up into her shoulder and Claire took a deep breath and then released it.

"Okay." She settled her hand on top of Alex's which had claimed the area over her stomach. "You sleep too. Don't just be creepy and watch me sleep."

"I don't do that." Alex muttered as she started to drift off.

"I bet you do." Claire laughed a little, and the two of them slowly eased into sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Her neck was bruised, but Rowena didn't mind. She could have healed the bruises, but she did not have any desire to do so. The look of them would serve as a reminder of violence. They would also stir pity, she thought.

Charlie sat on the edge of the seat in the car that Rowena had obtained. She did not use the seatbelt. She peered out the window at the lights that swirled around them as they drove. The lights were coming from the green orbs that Rowena had conjured. She sent them out with whispered instructions.

"What are you up to?" Charlie cocked her head to the side. Her tone was clipped. She was not the Charlie that Sam or Dean would have claimed as theirs, but she was Charlie.

"I need your help with some things. You translated the Book, but you did some things that made my life a little difficult."

"So, you figured out that I did not hand over the whole thing, huh?" I had to be careful. Figured they might be able to reassemble what I broke in the bathroom that night," Charlie laughed on a breath of air that came out in a huff.

Rowena looked at her past a squint. "I am going to need some of your translations if this darkness is to be harnessed. It is, as you can see, a wee bit out of control, dearie. And you are a bit responsible."

"You've got the wrong Charlie if you are looking to use the sympathy card. Why don't you talk with her. Oh, wait, I know. You and those other fools let her die." She looked back up out the window. "What happens if I am not under those lights?"

"Madness. Wanna see?" Rowena asked with a smirk.

"Pass." She waited for a moment before speaking again. "So, where are we going?"

"I'm deciding. I considered Muncie, Indiana first. Now, I think that maybe Sioux Falls, Idaho might be the smarter pick for us. Less interference there."

"Less interference?" Charlie stared at her, waiting for an answer.

"Yes. Fewer angels. Being the mother of the King of Hell, I've developed a certain distaste for the celestial creatures.

They drove on like that. Charlie did not engage. Rowena did not seem to mind the silence. It gave her time to consider her next move.

* * *

The summer glade was loud with the hum of bees. They were rushing about in waves of discontent. They showed their anger in darting motions one after the next. If not for the bees, the land would seem somewhat peaceful. There was a long field of tall grass stretching out to a stand of moss covered trees. The near stagnant pond, or perhaps a marsh, occasionally showcased the repeating ringlets of water that marked the spot where some creature made an attempt at eating or at departure from the murky depths.

The golden light that graced the land gave everything an air of the unreal. It was the kind of light that could only happen in movies or in the imagination that brims with promise once one has fallen asleep while listening to songs. It was the light that one imagines as a carrier for life. If one looks closely enough, there would be dust motes dancing in the beams of it. Gnats and butterflies would grace the space giving one dreams of fairies and creatures that are just as real though rarely seen in the waking world. The tall grass swayed in the world, and the bees screamed out their angry hums, and Dean watched it all and wondered.

Cas was not well, and he had to help him. It had been easy before, finding him in the dream. He had just been there, waiting for him to arrive. Dean felt like he was missing something in his memories though, some guiding piece of information that would lead him to the angel. He also could not remember the content of the dreams, just that Cas was there and that he found him. He closed his eyes and listened to the bees. He walked with his arms outstretched, his hands tickled by the tips of the tall grass. His breath was shallow. He kept it steady, concentrating on the sound of the bees. He moved toward the sounds of them at their loudest.

He felt them as they passed him in tiny gusts of fury. He walked on, slow steps carrying him into the marsh. His feet began sinking into the muck. He felt the sting of one at his cheek, but he kept moving. The sound was growing louder, and louder. It was a whirlwind of noise around him as if he had walked into the storm of their making. He opened his eyes. He had thought that he would see Cas there. He had thought that he would see at least some hint at his presence. It was darkness instead. "What do you hope to find here, Dean?" The voice came from the mass of bees that still moved about in the darkness.

"I'm searching for Cas." Dean spoke in a voice that was confident and loud. It was a voice that could command legions. Instead he hoped to just break through the barriers raised up in this strange world made up in Cas' mind. He hoped to pull him back from it to a waking life. It seemed though, that Cas did not want that. He was certainly not fighting his way to Dean.

"He does not wish to be found." Dean's fears were confirmed. He stepped back. Gabriel had said that this might happen though. He told him to push onward.

"I won't leave here without him." Dean stepped toward the cloud of bees. From it emerged a form. At first its features were obscured by the cloud of the bees. Then, it became clear.

"Hello, Dean." Cain stood still before him, looking like he did before the fighting and violence of their last encounter. He wore his hair pulled back. His eyes were dark and calculating.

"Cain." Dean stepped back a bit. "Why are you here?"

"You'll have to ask the angel, Castiel." He did not move. He somehow seemed more imposing in his stillness. Dean waited for an attack that didn't come.

"Where is he?"

Cain turned from him and waved his hands into the cloud of bees at his back, sending them away with the movement. "He is everywhere. This is all him."

Dean stared into Cain's eyes and saw some faint spark that was familiar in a way that Cain was not. "It's time to wake up Cas." Dean stepped back toward him. "We need you to come back."

"There is more harm to be done by him if he wakes. It is best that he remain here."

Dean reached out and rested a hand on Cain's arm. Something in that moment felt familiar, but he wasn't sure why. His brows came together in consideration of the moment. "I need you Cas. Can't do this without you."

Cain looked away. "Take care of Claire. Go." The voice sounded more like Cas now. The bees swirled around him, obscuring him from view. They began to sting at Dean until he fell back from where he stood. He moved back, back, back. The air around him was just bees. It was also pain. He began breathing in gasps.

A moment later and he was rocketing up in a bed in the Elysium. Gabriel was leaning against the far wall. His arms were crossed, and he looked unamused. "So that went well." His sardonic tone itched at Dean in the worst way.

"You need to just make him wake up." Dean huffed out a breath of irritation as he got up. He paced the room and looked back at Cas' supine form on the mattress next to where he had been laying a moment before. It had been days, and, so far, nothing had changed. Cas was still looking like Sleeping Beauty there, and Gabriel was still doing nothing to fix it.

"I tried. He refused." Gabriel looked over at Cas and then asked, "He talk to you this time?"

"A little."

Gabriel pushed himself off the wall. "Well, then you got farther than I did. His refusal was showcased by his absence. I understood his reasons though despite his silence. He is worried. He thinks that he can be used to harm you."

Dean shot him a glance. "Because of the curse?"

"Maybe. He seems to think that you need to let him stay this way. Did he hurt you before?"

"No. We dream walked. I don't remember much of it. The darkness took my memories. There are gaps all over in here." Dean tapped his head for emphasis. "It happened a few days ago. I'm not sure what it was trying to block. Cas seemed to think that it would come back to me though."

Gabriel tipped his head to the side and stared at Dean. "Would you mind if I looked in there?"

Gabriel's hand was already extending out to Dean's forehead in a way that was all too familiar. Dean stepped back. "Uh, not gonna happen. You and unfettered access to my head seems like the stuff of my nightmares."

"Hmm, suit yourself. Might help Cas though." He lowered his hand anyway.

"Let's just try this method again and see what comes of it. If nothing, then I'll consider letting you in my head."

Gabriel walked over to Cas' side and rested a hand on his shoulder. "I've missed him." Dean watched as Gabriel just stood there, a moment of quiet affection stretching out between the brothers. "I wanted to come back to him, but I couldn't."

"We thought that you were dead. Didn't Lucifer kill you?" Dean came over to his side.

"Even you know, Dean, that death is not always the end of things. I had backup plans and friends in high places." Gabriel smoothed back the sheets over Cas' form. He looked at Dean now. Kali fought to bring me back. The darkness has had an impact on my form though. I was whole and wholey hiding from all of you. Then you all had to go and toy with the very fabric of the universe. There are better ways to party on a Saturday night by the way."

"Wasn't like we wanted to do this. I was ready to die or go into some sort of exile." Dean sat back down beside Cas. He reached out and brushed aside a wayward strand of hair from Cas' forehead.

"Hmmm, I somehow think that this did not sit well with either Castiel or your brother. How is Sam by the way?" Gabriel sat at the foot of the bed, facing Dean.

"He is fine. He's with some others that are fighting this thing." Dean waved his hands out at the air above him. "I don't think that we are making any progress, and if you didn't already know it, that is why we are here."

"Of course I know. I summoned you." Gabriel stared at him in a way that seemed almost mocking. "Not sure how useful you are right now though with your swiss cheese head."

Dean's hand was casually resting on Cas' arm, his thumb moving just slightly back and forth. When Gabriel looked down at this, Dean's thumb stopped moving. He didn't withdraw his hand though. "If I let you in, will you help me get Cas back?" Dean glanced down at Cas then back at Gabriel, then added, "I think he will be necessary in stopping the darkness."

Dean looked back down at Cas and said. "He most definitely is, and so are you." Gabriel reached up to Dean's forehead and pressed his fingers to the spot between his brows. Dean felt a shock of energy rush through him. He fell back onto the mattress next to Cas. Gabriel's hand fell away. "Whoah." Dean blinked several times before pushing himself back up into a seated position.

'What the Hell was that?" Gabriel just stared at him while he spoke. "Seriously, Gabe, what the Hell?"

"That was quite the tour." Gabriel looked down at the spot where Dean's hand rested on Cas even now after having been jarred.

"Well, what's up?"

"Someone didn't want me poking around in there." Gabriel got up and walked to the door. "Come with." He pushed the bedroom door open and Dean followed him.

"Where are we going?" They made their way out into the too blue hall. The lights were bright and the decor seemed like something out of a 1970's porno. They got to the lobby and Dean grabbed Gabriel's arm. "We shouldn't leave him alone. Tell me what's up so I can go back."

Gabriel waved his hand at the odd collection of furniture in the middle of the lobby. There was a low backed sofa with a low rectangular coffee table in front of it. On either end of the table were two very uncomfortable looking yet modern chairs. The table was grey and the chairs and the sofa had elements that matched the color while also matching the blues that seemed so prevalent in the hotel. Dean took a seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs and Gabriel sat in the one opposite. In a move that seemed rather human, he leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. His legs bowed out a bit, and this posture gave him the look of a weary cowboy. When he finally spoke, he said, "You say that the darkness did this to you?" There was an uptick to his words that made it a question.

"Yes, at least that is what Cas and I thought." Dean leaned forward in a mirror to Gabriel's pose. "What else could it be?"

Gabriel stared at him and seemed to consider universes of knowledge before he answered. Dean knew the look, had seen it enough times when Cas had been the owner of it, so he dug deep and found a store of patience that he could draw upon. "It occurs to me that maybe baby steps are required here." Dean bit back a response and waited, still patient. What is the last thing you remember with regards to the darkness?"

"It took the form of Charlie before Cas became," Dean glanced back toward the room and then back at Gabriel, "like a rabid dog."

"What about before? When you lost your memories, what was happening? Tell me about that time." Gabriel looked patient too. It was an odd look for him. His voice took on the low hint of melancholy, and Dean wondered at it.

"It is patchy. We went to a town made of light. Before that, the darkness was snaking into the car. I thought that I had drawn enough protection into her, but it found a way in."

"Her?" Gabriel's one eyebrow raised.

"My car." Dean did not let Gabriel's smirk deter him. "Cas was affected by the darkness. It was coming after him. He said that it was drawn to his grace."

"Did it attack you then too?" Gabriel was all business again, the thin line of his mouth showed no mirth.

"I don't remember." Dean thought on that point of time for a bit and then added, "I don't think so. I only remember it attacking Cas. Then there are gaps. Maybe it happened though in the gaps."

"Are the gaps only happening in the times when you are with Cas or do they crop up in the middle of memories that are just yours alone?"

Dean looked at Gabriel, confusion masking his face. Then he closed his eyes to concentrate. He opened them a moment later and said, "I don't get why that matters."

"Indulge me."

"While we were driving, sort of." Dean closed his eyes again and appeared to be concentrating. His brow furrowed in the effort as if he could force the memories to come forward with shear will. "I seem to have the biggest gaps in the moments that we spent in the car in the darkness, but I might just be missing it. I mean it is hard to know what one is missing."

"I noted things as I took my tour." Dean opened his eyes again and waited for Gabriel to continue. "I went back through the gaps to the one that seemed to be the most distant. After that, I looked for other memories that had received attention without erasure."

"What do you mean?"

"Not all of the attention leads to erasure. Some of your memories provided fascination. If one lingers long enough, even just to look, it changes things. I was able to see what was important about the memories that were looked at the longest, because your mind carries evidence of all of that looking." Gabriel threaded his fingers together in a move that seemed almost prayerful. "There was a hospital, and there was a woman."

Dean's mind darted down a path that he had sealed off from himself. He did not think of Lisa much anymore. He couldn't. That path was hurt and pain and all of it beginning at him. He breathed out one word in response though, "Lisa."

"Yes, that would be her. And there was a child too, a boy."

"Ben," Dean added as if Gabriel didn't already know. Just saying the names though was enough for him to feel pressure crushing down on him from the past. She laid in that hospital bed under the too white lights, in pain, because of him. He caught the look in Ben's eyes and knew that Ben was responding in the worst possible way. He was internalizing his mother's words from when she had been possessed. He was believing them to be true, that he was a burden, that she did not love him. Dean shook at the memories. He had also seen the way that Ben was finding ways to blame himself, as if calling Dean or communicating with him had been the cause of the harm that had befallen his mother. Dean saw this in his posture, in his look. He saw it and he understood it, for he had felt it enough times himself. He too had spent a fair amount of time redirecting blame so that it would sit solidly in his own lap.

Gabriel interrupted his reveries and asked, "Tell me why that memory matters. Why does this boy and his mom in a hospital matter to anyone but you?"

Had Gabriel's tone been anything but sympathetic, he might have blown him off. "I made them into my family, and I brought them pain. Knowing me, got Lisa possessed, Ben beaten, and both of them were nearly killed. Lisa was in that hospital bed, and I knew that I couldn't do that to her anymore. I couldn't be in her life, not then, not before, and certainly not in the future." Dean took a deep breath, remembering how things progressed from there. "Cas came then. He was a mess too. We were not good then. He offered to heal her though. I let him. I asked him to do one more thing too."

"What was that, Dean?"

"I asked him to erase me from her memory. I asked him to do the same for Ben too. He did. I believe that they have been better for it too." Dean let out a sigh and let himself look at Gabriel.

"Yes, you did do that, and Castiel did as you asked. He had a lot of experience with such things. The Host did this to him many times over." Gabriel's words dropped into a deep growl. There was anger in the tone.

"When they tortured him?" Dean wasn't sure about the things that happened to Cas when the Host tried to get him focused on the mission, but he knew that it was bad. He couldn't bring himself to ask. It seemed too cruel to make him relive it somehow.

"The Host had a way of making one remember one's duty. You see, Cas had forgotten what the official duty was, because it got all tied up in devotion." Dean took in the words and watched Gabriel intensely. "Things changed for him in Hell. They had to. It would have perhaps been that way for anyone, but for Castiel it was deeper maybe. Our father gave him a touch more sympathy than he did to the rest of us. Castiel needed that. He was a soldier, but he also was given the task of watching. He watched mankind, he healed, and sometimes he would unleash some smitey business, but always he would consider the reasons for the actions in a way that was different from the Host. He was our conscious in a way. He made us see human."

"What do you mean, see human?" Dean asked.

"We didn't spend time caring about how you all felt about things that were small. Big picture things, sure, we could maybe wrap our heads around it. Now, Castiel though, he had a way of seeing the small things and how they mattered. It made him a good tactician."

"You said that things changed for him in Hell. How so?" Dean was beginning to feel the waves of guilt that often accompanied his thoughts on that time. He pushed them aside though to better focus on Gabriel.

"He rebuilt you. He stitched you together from pieces. You were like a giant puzzle to him. Putting you together was a true labor of love." Dean's eyes shifted away for a moment then found their focus on Gabriel again as he continued. "It is the best word for it, despite the fact that it makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable. It's just that I would guess that it was more of a mechanical process than an emotional one."

"You'd be wrong." Gabriel paused a bit and then added, "He pulled out bits of himself to stitch you together. His grace is all tied up in you. You are held together by his devotion."

Dean interrupted, "It was his duty to Heaven that made him do this."

"It was his duty that brought him to you, yes, but he did not have to be so meticulous in his efforts where you were concerned. He saw your soul there, and in that moment he was changed. Looking changes things. He saw your soul in all of its colors, and he was moved by it."

It wasn't important to the story, but Dean had to ask, "My soul is colorful?"

"Very." Gabriel let that one word sink in. "I imagine that it is all that he sees when he looks at you sometimes. It is even present in his dream world. He pulled up the golden light around the marshlands from what he admired in your soul. The color of the trees is also something that he saw in you."

Dean chose to redirect then. "I don't get what this all has to do with the gaps in my memories."

Gabriel took a deep needless breath and got up. He walked over to the sofa and sat down closer to Dean. He resumed his old posture there. "It matters because it is devotion to you that drives everything that Cas does. It matters because, in the end, your colorful little soul is his beacon. He will steer headlong toward it, fight legions for it, destroy anything that threatens it, and in the end he will choose even death for himself if it will just mean that you are saved."

Dean was holding his breath. He let it out slow. "I don't matter that much. The apocalypse has ended. I just bring destruction and hurt. He should not place my needs over anything."

"But he does, and he always will."

Dean let the words settle in him. He felt a stir of familiarity come with them. He felt like he and Cas had spoke of this before. He felt like one of the small gaps was less empty. "What does all of this have to do with Lisa and Ben?"

With a slight chuckle, Gabriel said, "You really haven't figured it out yet, Bucko?"

Dean waited a moment more and then said, "No, you'll need to spell it out for me."

"There are pools of Cas' grace in that memory. Just as there are traces of him in all of the gaps."

"What are you saying?" Dean was feeling the sharp stab of realization in his gut. He needed to hear it said out loud though for it to be real.

"The darkness has no reason to make you forget. It wants you to remember. It wants to feast on your memories and make them into new horrors unspeakable. Memories are powerful things. Taking them away from someone is a violation of their trust, but it is also sometimes, like in the case of Lisa and Ben maybe, it is also perhaps an act of devotion. Sometimes love makes one do unspeakable things in the name of protecting the ones that matter most. You've always been a bit reckless, Dean. I imagine that Cas was given cause to worry over you. I imagine that he thought that he was doing what was best for you, just like you thought you were with Lisa and Ben."

And like that, Dean saw the connections. "Cas did this?"

"Yes."

"Can you undo it?" Dean braced his hands on the sides of the chair, ready to launch back up to his feet. He needed to walk, to move, something.

"It would be best if he did it. I think that you might find it less traumatic." Gabriel stood then. He reached down to Dean to lend a hand. Dean got up on his own.

"Why would he do this?" He ran his hand back up into his hair.

"Like I said before," Gabriel looked at him in silence for a moment, "devotion."

* * *

Claire woke up in a tangle of limbs. Alex was a discourteous sleeper. Her limbs had fully invaded the center of the bed and Claire's personal space. Her legs covered Claire's. Her arm was over her chest. Her head was buried in the space between Claire's shoulder and neck. It was morning, she thought; although, who could tell. Claire did her best to slowly ease her way out from under Alex and onto the floor. When success was hers, she began the slow process of finding clothes and getting dressed. There was the rich smell of coffee drifting up to her and food smells like eggs maybe.

She slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her as she did so. She padded her way down to the kitchen where Linda, Donna, and Kevin were already eating and drinking their coffee. Kevin noticed her first, "Well, good morning to you." He lifted his coffee mug and took a long gulp.

She smiled at him and went to the cupboard to retrieve her own mug. She joined them at the table. "Where's Sam and Jodes?"

Donna answered, "They went to Bobby's to look for any remaining books that might not have been destroyed. Sam seemed to think that some items might have been stored in the basement. That wouldn't have been destroyed by the fire."

"What about the darkness though?" Claire felt concern churning her stomach.

Kevin piped up, "Oh, they took the birdy with them. They also decided to try out yours and Alex's little henna trick."

Kevin pulled aside his shirt and showed his own henna design. Linda did the same and then so did Donna. "We all maybe see this as a benefit now," Donna said.

"It's still light outside. You said the bird went with them?" Claire directed the question at Donna.

"Apparently some of the small ones came in the night, or whatever it is that passes for nighttime these days. Regardless, they are here, and the big one went with Sam and Jody."

A look crossed each of their faces, like there was more that they weren't sharing. "And?" She turned to Kevin now.

"And what?" He replied too quickly.

"What else? Something is up. You all seem weird."

Linda spoke as she slowly lowered her mug back to the table. "The bird is familiar."

"Yes, and?" Nevermore had protected them, had saved them just the other day.

"He's familiar from before." Linda looked over at Kevin then back at Claire. "Sam and Jody spoke with him yesterday. He was an angel."

"They all were something else once. The birds were connected to creation, to angels, to gods." Claire wasn't sure how she knew all of this, but some of it was pieced together from conversations while other parts seemed to come from some place in her subconscious. She wondered if she got the knowledge from Cas. His presence was missing today. She let her mind harken for it, but there was only silence.

Kevin seemed to be watching her intensely. He said, "He was the angel that killed me." Everyone seemed to be holding their breaths.

"No, you have to be wrong." Claire thought back to their conversation on the roof.

"I'm not. He admitted it to them. He apologized, to them." Kevin's words were bitter bile slipping out past clenched teeth. He repeated, "To them." Linda rested a hand on him and looked like she was about to experience something like tears. Claire had a picture of who Linda was in her head and it was not a picture of a woman that cries. She was scary and too strong to be just a mortal. Perhaps it was the ferocity that comes with being a mother, the desire to protect one's child and to fight any and all dangers in the name of that devotion.

"So you can see why it had to be done." The statement that came from Linda did not make sense.

Claire searched for context. "What had to be done?"

Donna spoke then, "They did want to look for books, but they don't plan to come back with the bird."

"His name is Gadreel." Kevin pushed back from the table and nearly knocked over a glass that sat at the edge. Linda caught it on what must have been instinct.

"What are Sam and Jody doing?" Claire got up then and stalked over to Kevin, who now stood at the window, staring out into the darkness.

"What I wanted to do. They wouldn't let me though. Said that I shouldn't take risks with Freddy." Kevin tipped his head to the side as if listening to something. "Freddy wanted to go. He wanted to let me go. Sam said no."

"What are they doing, Kevin?" Claire was fighting to push down the irritation.

Linda spoke from her place at the table. "They borrowed your sword. They will be swift. He won't feel it, unlike Kevin. What he did to Kevin, he doesn't deserve to live."

"What the Hell are you thinking. You aren't thinking." Claire grabbed Kevin and shook him. He didn't seem to respond. She marched over to the table and looked down at Donna. "You let her go? I thought that you cared. Alex was wrong about you."

"What are you talking about?" Donna got up then too. She put her hands on her hips and stared down at Claire.

"You think that Sam and Jody have a snowball's chance in Hell against an angel, surrounded by creepy-ass darkness? You all are nuts." She was shouting now, and apparently that was enough to bring Alex back from the land of nod. She appeared at the doorway to the kitchen and just stared in.

"So, miss anything?" Her tone was sarcastic and dripping with sympathetic irritation. Claire moved toward her.

Linda said, "Sam and Jody are quite capable. Plus, they have the mark of Kali to protect them. It worked for you both."

"They let Sam and Jody go off to kill Nevermore."

"Gadreel. The angel that killed me, burned my eyes out of my head." Kevin was back at the table, standing by Donna. His mother still sat, too calm.

"Call him what you want. Sam and Jody can't do this. We have to stop them." Claire turned back to Alex and asked, "You coming?"

Alex nodded and said, "Yes." Claire turned to the wall with the hooks and keys. She saw the keys to the truck and plucked them off the hook.

Donna grabbed her hand before they could leave the room. "I can't let you go."

"Why the Hell not?" Claire twisted her arm free. It was surprisingly easy. Alex stepped up in front of her, an air of menace permeating the room from her.

"Step off Donna. We're going." Alex's words dripped from her, thick and mean.

Linda stepped up beside Donna. "It is already too late. They've been gone for some time."

They took three tentative steps back to the hall. Donna and Linda followed them to the space. "It's not safe, Claire. Jody would want you both to stay." Donna reached out to them.

"I don't want to hurt you Donna, but I will if you try to stop us." Alex was still between them. Claire reached down and grabbed two sets of shoes with her free hand. She wasn't sure how Alex would successfully stop Donna from doing anything. Donna had height and weight as an advantage.

"Alex, I taught you your moves. Do you really think that you can use them against me? Besides, Jody can take care of herself. You and Claire will distract her, and she could get hurt."

Donna looked like she was feeling indecisive though. Clare reached back for the door to open it. Alex was still backing toward her and the outside. The truck was parked near enough. Linda said, "Take Kevin with you. He can maybe plant some reason in your heads." Linda waved them off. Kevin came out to the porch, not looking pleased. The three of them edged down to the car. Donna still looked like she would stop them if she could.

As Claire took the driver's seat, she glanced into the rearview mirror. There was fear blanketing Donna and Linda too. They drove away from the house. Claire looked back at them over and over as they became smaller and smaller. Alex reached out to her and rested a hand on her sleeve. Kevin stared off out a side window, anger radiating from his body like it was all that he was made of. Claire sent out a prayer to Cas and waited for the comforting pulse that usually returned to her. This time though, there was nothing. She felt suddenly utterly alone.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Dean sat in the large, industrial sized kitchen. He had his feet propped up on the lower shelf of the stainless steel counter while he watched Gabriel cook on the other side. He had the flames on the range turned up a bit high, seemingly for the spectacle of it. Dean drummed his fingers on the counter as he watched. There was much to think about. Cas had erased his memories, maybe out of devotion to him. Dean wasn't ready to think about what that one word really meant,  _devotion_.

Gabriel had a large glass bowl in front of him. He cracked an egg into it, snapped his fingers, and the eggshell disappeared just as another egg showed up in its place. Dean was mesmerized. Gabriel did it again. "Wouldn't it be easier to just snap your fingers and have a whole meal show up?" Dean was enjoying the show, but he had wondered.

"Yes, but sometimes it is not about what is easier." Gabriel snapped his fingers again.

"What's it about then?"

Gabriel paused in his motions, leaned against the counter with his palms, hands empty. "Sometimes it is about the simple act of creating something. Giving life to something, supplying free will, or just making something different, or special, that is what it is about."

Dean raised an eyebrow and asked, "So you are making breakfast the old fashioned way, because you are engaging in an exercise in free will?"

Gabriel answered past a smile. "Not so much." He went back to the snap, crack, snap of his breakfast making. "It matters, making something yourself. The act of creation matters. If it didn't, you wouldn't be here." He was up to about a half dozen eggs, maybe more. He picked up a whisk and began the quick process of blending it all into a bright liquidus sunshiney yellow. "I don't get to make breakfast much. No real need for it. I enjoy doing this though, as it is creation in its simplest form. I am taking something that once was something else, and I am giving it new life, new form. Also, I am giving it to you, and you will consume it. You will gain from my creative efforts."

"You know it is just breakfast right?" They both laughed then. Gabriel reached across the counter for a bit of salt to sprinkle into the eggs. There was a large phallic pepper grinder, that he grabbed next. He cranked it a few times over the mixture until a film of flakes blanketed the top.

"If only life were as simple as scrambled eggs." Gabriel poured them into the pan, and began the process of stirring them as they cooked. He looked over at Dean then and said, "When one engages in an act of creation, it creates a sense of power in the creator. It gives one the feeling of vastness."

"I feel like you are not talking about breakfast anymore." Dean watched the cooking and realized how hungry he actually was.

"It is perhaps the reason that the darkness is problematic. It likely feels too vast right now. It is too close to creation. I imagine that it is confusing for an entity that was so tethered before." Gabriel looked wistful as he ruminated.

"You said before that the darkness wanted to feast on our memories. You made it sound like the darkness was our enemy, and now you are making it sound like it is a thing to be pitied. You should maybe make up your mind, because I'm having a hard time keeping up with my swiss cheese head."

"Oh, almost forgot." Gabriel snapped his fingers and a hunk of cheese showed up in his hand. "Ya like cheddar?"

"Sure."

"So, about the big bad darkness, I don't think that this is as simple as declaring it good or evil. Has it caused harm? Sure. Has its presence caused rampant destruction? Sure. However, it might be unintentional. It is not human, or even an angel, or a typical god for that matter. You should think of it as more of a conceptual thing. It is Chaos. In the stories, humans personified the idea of Chaos, even giving it in marriage to Gaia. It's not really something so tangible though. When the world was dark and deep, a mass without form, the beings that were, dove into Chaos and gave it form. Those of us that were present, brought light into the darkness, order to the chaos. It welcomed us." Gabriel scooped the eggs from the pan and onto a plate. He grated cheese over it and snapped his fingers. A bowl of rich red salsa appeared. He spooned it over the top.

"Why would it welcome you? You were destroying it." Dean leaned back to make room for the plate that Gabriel brought to him.

Gabriel slid it in front of him and took a seat next to him. He snapped his fingers and two mugs of coffee appeared along with a tray of sugar, creamers, and the requisite utensils. "We weren't destroying it."

"You weren't?"

"It was a more sensual act than that." Gabriel waggled his eyebrows a little.

"Eww, didn't need that picture." Dean scooped up a mouthful of food and hummed around the first glorious bite. The salsa really made it, but the cheese was amazing too. "This is good," he mumbled.

"That it is." Gabriel began adding pack after pack of sugar to his coffee.

"Thought that angels didn't like food, tastes like molecules or something." Dean nodded over at the coffee.

"Some molecules are better than others. I like the way that sugar is. I like the act of consuming." He paused a moment, then continued. "It is important that you get that I don't think that the darkness is evil. I think that it is causing mayhem and destruction, but the same could be said of you and Sammy, yet you are not evil."

"We don't cause mayhem and destruction. It just always seems to find us." Dean looked like he didn't really believe himself though as he said it.

"Keep eating." Gabriel gestured at the fork that Dean had set down. He scooped it back up and kept eating.

"So not evil," Dean added between bites. "Then what is it, because it certainly doesn't feel good?"

"It is a marred entity with a rich history."

"So, tell me about this rich history."

Gabriel took a sip from his mug then just held it between his hands as he spoke. "When the darkness was no longer formless, it was necessary to give it a connection to the things that it had been part of before, a link to creation if you will. So we tethered it to the earth. It became the barrier between the afterlife and earth. It is found in the spaces between Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. Between Heaven and earth it is sometimes referred to as the Veil. Between the other realms there are too many names to list. Mankind was always more concerned with those regions, so they were more effusive in their naming."

Dean set down the fork and said, "So, the darkness acts as a gateway between life and death?"

"Just between the regions. It was also, part of all life. We must think of it as more than just good and evil, light and dark. It is part and parcel of all things living. It is in you and the earth and everything." Gabriel picked up Dean's plate and set it aside.

"Is it possible to reason with it then?"

"It is too vast for that."

"That's what she said," Dean laughed as he said it. Gabriel joined him.

"I walked into that one." He sipped from his mug again, and Dean did the same.

"So, if it is too vast to be reasoned with, then what can we do to tether it again?"

"Well, now, there's the question. It was first tethered to Lucy, the morningstar, the light. He was happy to be tied to this, to creation, until he wasn't. Then he passed it on to Cain, as you well know. This was too much for a mere mortal, but Cain did well enough. Actually, he was impressive. You saw the effect of the Mark first hand. It was all consuming, being tied to so much power. The creative energy of it would be enough to drive most insane."

Dean thought about the days past, the lingering images of violence now flooded his head.  _Why couldn't Cas erase those memories?_  "Are you thinking that I will have to take it back?" Dean moved one hand over the other to still the shaking that threatened to manifest.

"No. That would not prove helpful. You aren't strong enough, no offence, to wield that power again. It needs to be tied to something else, something that can handle the power without being corrupted by it. That will not be easy to do."

"If I took it back though, the darkness would be tethered, and all would be well, right?" Dean asked with a slight quiver to his voice.

"It would be tethered, but not all would be well. I have noticed that when you are in jeopardy, the world tends to suffer for it. Your brother and mine tend to react poorly to your troubles." Gabriel reached over in an awkward offer of comfort and patted Dean's arm.

"If you sent me away with the Mark, it might be okay."

"No, there will be a better way. It would be best if we could tie it to something a bit more powerful than Dean Winchester." Gabriel smirked and withdrew his hand from Dean's arm. "Perhaps we can find a way to pull the Mark back to the source."

Dean jolted a little with the words. They were too similar to what Metatron had said before, something about ending at the source or somesuch. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe we find a way to give it back to Lucy or something. Not sure how, but either he or Cain seemed like they were better choices for the job."

"I don't see how we accomplish this. It's not like anyone has the Mark anymore." Dean absently rubbed his arm now, feeling the slight phantom pain of what was once so horribly there.

"Hmm, that's not entirely true." Gabriel looked off into the distance.

'Uh, what do you mean?" Dean snapped his fingers in front of Gabriel to recall his attention.

Gabriel looked back at him with thinly veiled, mild irritation. "Don't be rude, Bucko." He cracked his neck as he stretched out and into a stand. "It isn't held by just one person, but it isn't like it just disappeared either. You said a witch removed the curse, right?"

"Yeah, Rowena. She's also the mother of Crowley, the current King of Hell." Dean got up then too.

"She is tied to the Mark now as are all of those that were involved in that spell. She pulled from Cas' grace to remove it from you, which connects her to all that have connections to his grace. She is trying to, I imagine, harness the power that comes with bearing the Mark. She is the reason that Cas is laid up in there. Each time that she tries to use her power for any big thing, it takes a great deal out of Cas. I'm not sure how much he can handle. She might have big plans though, and those plans might not take into consideration his safety." He stopped and seemed to consider for a moment. "Do you feel it when she hurts him?"

"No, but I was a little distracted."

"You would have noticed." Gabriel walked toward the door and Dean followed. He turned at the doorway. "I'm going to see what I can figure out. Why don't you go sit with Cas for a bit."

Dean nodded and wandered off to Cas' room. His phone buzzed in his pocket. "Claire,' he said to himself as he accepted the call and pushed the phone to is ear. "Hey there."

"Hey yourself. Gotta minute?" She was quiet, so he felt worry creep up under his skin.

"Of course. Is everything okay?" He entered Cas' room and sat with the phone pressed to his ear.

"No, everything is intense and I can't feel Cas when I pray. Is he okay?" He could hear a door close as she spoke.

"Cas is a bit unconscious. I'm working on it though. He's got it in his head that he is hurting the people that he cares about when he's awake. I'm trying to convince him that he is wrong via dreamwalking him."

"Oh." Her voice was a little closer to a normal volume now. "Did you try talking about the stuff that we discussed before?"

"What do you mean?" Dean thought back to what he thought was their last conversation, but he couldn't find anything important there.

"You know, about how you feel about him. You were going to tell him that you love him or something along those lines. That would maybe snap him out of this funk."

Dean looked down at Cas and tried to remember this conversation. There was nothing there to draw out though. "I haven't had that conversation. Not sure that it would help at this point." He sucked in a breath and asked, "So, you said that things there were intense?"

"Yeah, your brother is a nutter."

"Uh, how so?"

"He decided, with Jody mind you, that they would go off and kill Gadreel, a flipping angel."

Dean nearly dropped his phone. "What are you talking about? Gadreel is dead." Dean realized then that he was developing a personal mantra, and it was always a clarifying question.

"Yeah, well dead ain't what it use to be. Apparently, the only people that get to stay dead are my parents, because that's the kind of shitty universe that we live in."

"If it helps my parents are in the staying dead category too," Dean commiserated. "So, tell me why you think that Gadreel is alive, and what stupid thing my brother is up to."

"Okay, get comfortable. It's a bit of a story." Dean shifted about on the bed and rested his hand on Cas. Gabriel walked by and peeked in.

Dean said into the phone, "Just a sec, Claire." Then he pulled the phone from his face and asked Gabriel, "Anything up?"

"Nah, just checking in on him. It is strange how little my brother has learned over his years on earth."

"What do you mean?"

"You'd think that he would know that emotion is never so easily erased. Events, sure, those can be washed over, but the feelings. That is a horse of a different color." Gabriel leaned into the doorframe a bit.

"What makes you think that he didn't erase the emotions from those moments?" Dean asked.

"It's clear. When you sit with him, you touch him. Contact seems like a necessity for you. I believe that it comes from a place of affection. He couldn't erase that without erasing who you are." Gabriel moved back from the door then and added, "We can talk about it later."

Dean nodded to him as he left and then focused on the call with Claire. "So, I'm ready to hear the epic tale of Sam's Crazy Choices and the Now Living Angel Gadreel."

* * *

The ride to the burned out husk of Singer Salvage was silent and awkward at first. Kevin broke the silence. "I don't see why you want to save it." He let out a sigh as he tipped his head back on the low seat like he was a Pez dispenser. Claire watched all of this through glances in the rearview mirror.

"He isn't evil." Claire felt bad even saying it.

"He killed me Claire. What in your head constitutes evil?" He sounded like he was getting angry again. Alex still had her hand on Claire's arm, an anchor to calmness.

"I'm sorry, Kevin," she breathed out. "You didn't deserve that. We're likely too late anyway."

There was silence again as the truck bumped through potholes. Claire swerved around abandoned cars and other detritus that had found its way onto the road. Kevin broke through the silence again, "You didn't answer me before, Claire. Why do you want to save it?" He was quieter now, and his words weren't stoked by anger. There was a quiet wonder underlying the tone, and perhaps it was the wonder that made Claire answer.

"Everyone that I know, everyone that loves me, has committed insane acts in the name of just doing what they thought was the right thing." She glanced in the mirror and saw that he was watching her there as well. "Cas slaughtered his brethren in heaven supposedly to save humanity. This lead to a great many horrors for mankind. Sam unleashed the apocalypse. He didn't know that he was doing so, but look at how many people died because of him. Then there's Dean. I can't even begin to tell you all the things that I have had to forgive him for. I've lost a brace of parents in this world. My own mother left me in order to find my father. She spent years away from me that I'll never get back, but her intentions were good, noble even. They still lead to death. My father chose to sacrifice his own life to save mine. Imagine the guilt that I carry for that one. Plus, his sacrifice initially, although his intentions were good, lead to suffering."

Kevin interrupted, "He really did love you. He thought that being Castiel's vessel would lead to salvation for a world that was on the brink of total destruction."

"How would you know?" She grated out past clenched teeth.

"I was a prophet. I saw what they were thinking and doing. All of that is still cluttering up my brain even now. He loved you more than anything in all of the world. He left some of that behind for Cas. Now, Cas loves you in a similar way."

Claire gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to send out a prayer to Cas again. She still felt no response. "Like I said, everyone that loves me, everyone in my life, has done something horrible and destructive. Nevermore…"

"His name's Gadreel," Kevin interrupted.

Claire continued, "Gadreel, when we found him at the tree, he gave us something good. He gave us comfort in the form of memories. I think that he wants to atone too. He is sad and hurt. I don't think that he even wants to live, but in the last so many days he has lived to defend us from the darkness. He has put himself in harm's way without a pause. It has to mean something."

Kevin did not speak again. He just sat in the back staring off at the dark world that surrounded them. Alex finally spoke, "I did unspeakable things before." She shifted in her seat and looked back at Kevin. "Do you think that I should die too?"

"You didn't kill people," Kevin replied.

"You keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, but it'll be a lie." She looked down and away from him. Claire kept glancing at each of them, taking it all in.

"It's not the same when it's self-defense," Kevin countered.

"True. It's not." Alex sucked in a breath and looked back at Kevin adding, "It was never really self-defense. I was bait. I went to dives, dark alleys, and other assorted places to find men for my family to feast upon. I was raised by vampires. I lead countless men to their deaths. I watched them writhe under the forms of my so-called family as they slowly sucked and bit away their lives. I did it many times, knowing full well that they would die. I cared at first. Later, I didn't care at all. It was a task that was done by rote." Her hand fell from Claire now and gripped the seat between them. "So, if today we are taking out murderers, I think that you had better add me to the list. Lord knows that I deserve it, and that there is nowhere near enough time left in the world for me to fully atone for my sins."

"It's different." Keven was staring at her as he said it. The tone in his words though showed that he was thinking about what she said.

"It's really not." Alex leaned against the window, which placed her far from Claire.

Claire said, "No one dies today." She reached out to Alex and touched her. "You are not a murderer. We all have pasts we need to atone for. You don't get to check out on me yet."

Alex looked back at her, but she did not look like she planned to comply. Claire turned her attention back to the road ahead and saw the turn to Singer Salvage. There was light coming from the location, which she thought boded well.  _He's alive._  She wasn't sure why, entirely, he had come to matter so much. Maybe it was the absence of Cas that caused her to transfer some of her affection. Maybe though, it was something in the way that they met. He gave her something good and beautiful to hold onto once more, her family. It was an offering that did nothing for the world at large. It was just a gift. He had done something horrible, and yet Kevin was here. She could almost push that act aside, because to her he was not dead.

She could see them in the yard. Sam and Jody were standing over Gadreel. His wings were spread out wide around him. His chest had been cut, and blue-white light was seeping from it. It offered up a glow to the space around it. It was the light that she had seen from the road. Sam and Jody looked up at their approach. Claire stopped the truck in a slide of gravel. She jumped from the truck as it shuddered off. She ran to them and threw herself on the ground beside the bird.

"You can't kill him." She settled her hands over the wound in his chest, trying to stop the flow of light from the wound.

"It's okay, Claire. I'm ready to be done. The others have been told to protect you in my absence. You will be important, I think. You will be the tether that brings them back." He wasn't making sense.

Claire watched his eyes close and then turned to Sam. "You have to help him. He can't die like this. We need him." She was appealing now to whatever she thought would convince him.

"He's evil Claire. You have to trust us on this. You don't know what he has done. He was responsible for Kevin's death. He possessed my body and made me kill him. He made my hands do that. He did it for no righteous reason. He had no purpose in his actions beyond blind obedience to a megalomaniac. There is nothing good here."

"He saved us from the darkness. He has been watching over us. He gave you a glimpse of Jess, just because. He's trying to do right. We need to let him." She looked down at him and saw him open his eyes. They were dark as the eternal night that surrounded them.

He spoke to her, quiet and with sincerity. "You, Claire are too forgiving. I don't deserve your sympathy."

She pressed her hands to the wound even more and then Alex was on the other side doing the same. "Today, we all get a little mercy." Alex looked up at Jody and Sam. "I told Kevin in the car, that if we are killing murderers today that I need to be added to the list."

Jody came down to her knees next to Alex and cupped her cheek in her hands. "You are not a murderer, Alex."

"I am. I let you believe that because I don't want you to see the worst in me. I killed people though, and you gave me mercy. You made me want to be better." She looked down at Gadreel and asked, "Why did you seek us out."

"I wanted to help. This was where I was needed." Kevin came down to a squat at his head as Gadreel spoke.

"Why were you needed?" Kevin asked.

"I need to protect Claire and Sam." His eyes drifted closed for a moment then he looked at Kevin again. "I never said it to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you." He closed his eyes again. Kevin stood up then and paced away a few steps.

Sam got up and walked to his side. He handed him the angel sword. "Well, you wanted to do this. I guess you've earned the right." Sam sounded like he was uncertain.

"You don't want to do this now." Kevin looked at him then back at the others.

"I will if you don't want to. He has earned this." Sam looked back at them now too.

Kevin walked back with the sword. Claire moved between them further shielding the creature. He slammed the sword down into the earth at the creature's head and said, "There's been enough death." He stalked back off to the truck. "Take me home."

Claire reached down and gently scooped up Gadreel in her arms. She whispered down to him, "Will you be okay?"

He blinked at her and folded his wings to his chest. "I'll be better."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as they moved to the car. "I tried to get here faster."

"It doesn't matter. Good things came out of it." He closed his eyes again.

Jody came to her side and rested a hand on her back. "I'm sorry, Claire. I believed that he was dangerous. I didn't want him to hurt you. He had already been in your head, Sam's too. I know what can happen when something with power gets in a person's head. I was worried about what would happen if he lived."

She looked at Jody then and said, "I would worry more about what would happen if we made him die. We shouldn't be in the business of killing things that aren't doing any harm."

"Like I said, I thought that he was going to do harm." They walked on and Claire gave Jody a merciful look that seemed to end the conversation. She got into the passenger's seat. Alex got in the back. Kevin wandered off with Sam to the other car. Alex leaned over the front seat as Jody backed out of the yard. Jody reached up and around in an awkward hug. "I love you, Alex."

Alex closed her eyes as they drove on. Jody kept her arm around her as they went. Claire sat quietly with Gadreel on her lap, hands pressed to his wound. She prayed, not to Cas, but to a god that never answered.  _Heal him. Let him atone. Let us all atone._

* * *

They stood in the yard with the officer and the mother of the prophet. There was palpable tension, but she had nothing to be worried about as she stood there. They had no power that could be used against her.

She had told them why they were there. Charlie stood at her side as if they were on the same team. They weren't. Charlie would betray her in an instant. She could feel the darkness here in a way that was different. It was like cotton. She could feel the press of it on her soft and a little suffocating. The light was maybe worse.

She looked up at the swirling light of the creatures that flew around the rooftop. Her eyes came into a squint. The distant sound of a vehicle broke through their silent waiting. She considered her sales pitch. After all, Sam would be unlikely to view her as any kind of ally at this point. There was a truck that pulled into the space first. It was followed closely by a car.

They came to a stop a few feet from them. Sam was out of his car in an instant, holding his hand back as if to keep the others from emerging from their vehicles. They emerged anyway.  _Headstrong bunch. They always tend to gravitate toward each other those types._

"Hello Sam." Her words were laced in honey sweetness. She dragged out the syllables and curled up her lips into a wry smile.

"Rowena." Sam's eyes were angry as he said it. He was looking at Charlie. "What have you done? Who is she, and why does she look like Charlie?"

"Hello Sam." Charlie sounded less like her current self and more like her old self. There was a softness to the greeting. Sam raised a rifle at her chest.

"Like I said, what have you done?" Sam glared at Rowena, the words grit and gristle as he spoke. "Answer me!"

Rowena smiled as he aimed the rifle at her now. "I come bearing gifts, Samuel. Let's go inside and discuss our present situation like civilized people." She narrowed her eyes at the gun and added, "If I wanted to hurt you, you'd be dead already. In case you hadn't noticed, I've been rather helpful where you've been concerned." She made a grand sweeping gesture to the front of the house and added, "Shall we?"

 


	15. Chapter 15

Claire carried Gadreel into the house, moving past the group without pausing.  _They could deal with this. Whatever this was._  No one tried to stop her. The one called Rowena tracked her moves as she made her way around them. Claire could feel her gaze like fingers raking a chalkboard. The one called Charlie watched her too.  _Wasn't she dead?_  Claire's mind was soaring down paths rapidly. She kept slipping in and out of the moment. She saw bees and darkness. There were trees and golden beams of light. There was a man with a face full of menace.

Snap back and there was just Gadreel, a quiet mess of light and ruffled feathers in her hands. She believed that he was dying.  _Be okay._  She thought again as she mounted the steps to her room. She laid him down on her bed and opened her drawers, looking for bandages. She heard someone behind her. "What do you want?" She asked without turning.

"I'm sorry, Claire. I didn't mean to make you so upset," Kevin stammered. "I'm more governed by emotions now than I once was. Being like this," he pressed his palms to his chest and looked away from her before continuing, "it means that I need to be more careful. I feel rage more intensely. Normally, mom tempers things. Guess she wasn't feeling too inclined in this situation though."

She turned to him slowly. She had some torn rags gathered up in her hands. She had taken to keeping such things in her room, just in case. "You're forgiven." She watched as he looked down at the bird that was seemingly dying on her bed. He was making a mess. Kevin did not look like he was a threat now, though. Instead, he looked like he was the very personification of regret.

He sat on the bed and looked down at Gadreel. "I'm sorry." His words were quiet as he hovered over the mess that was the angel.

Claire rounded the bed and sat on the other side of Gadreel. She reached out and began wrapping a long strip of material around his middle, not too tight. "He wants to die. He's not mad at you. He thinks that he deserves this."

"He does."

Claire couldn't tell if Kevin meant it as a question or a confirmation so she asked, "Do you still think that he should die?"

"I don't know. I'm not angry right now. I'm calm. He did a lot of bad things. He's a monster."

"Yes, but so are we." She finished wrapping the cloth around Gadreel and rested her hand on him, light and in a move that signaled affection. She looked from him to Kevin and saw his sadness. She reached out her other hand and settled it on his, giving it a little squeeze as she did so. "Castiel once told me that maybe there was a little monster in all of us. I've come to believe that. It isn't all just black and white, good and evil. It's more chaotic than that. We are more than just light and dark." She stopped abruptly.

"What is it?" Kevin squeezed her hand back. The room became brighter then. They each turned to the window and saw the source of the brightness. Kevin released her hand and moved toward the light. "Should I?" He looked back at Claire and she nodded. Kevin reached out and opened the window. He immediately fell back a few steps as the room filled with tiny song birds, hundreds of them.

Claire stood and moved toward Kevin as the room became just the noise of flapping and the displaced air seemed to whirl around them. The birds were gathered over and around Gadreel. "What are they doing?" She wondered aloud. Kevin's hand came to her back. She looked to him and then back at the birds. "Are they getting brighter?"

Kevin said, "Yes, close your eyes."

She felt him pull her to him. Her face was pressed into his shoulder. She could feel something like heat radiating from where Gadreel was. Kevin's faced pressed in tighter to her. His arms were wrapped around her and he moved them so that he was now between her and the birds. It was a protective move that she was conscious of. She moved then a little and caused him to no longer be fully between the possible danger and herself. She had her arms wrapped around him as well. The room was not as warm now, but they kept their faces buried between them. The noise of flight was diminishing. Then there was silence. Kevin lifted his head first, but Claire opened her eyes first.

She looked at Kevin from mere inches away, a small layer of dark stubble was framing his jawline. His mouth was a tight line of seriousness. "It's safe now. You can open your eyes." Her words were breath on his cheek. He opened his eyes and turned minutely toward her. He did not let her go, and she did not let him go either. They just breathed. There was a sound from the bed, a ruffling. Claire released Kevin and moved to the bed. "Are you okay?"

Gadreel stood in the center of the bed and spread out his wings in an stretch that seemed designed to test his health. He hopped up onto her knee then and nuzzled up into her middle. "Thank you, Claire. I am fine." He hopped back and stared up into her eyes.

Kevin sat next to her and watched. "So, you won't die?" He finally asked.

"No, although I should. I won't." Gadreel looked away with what seemed like a little regret.

Kevin moved closer and said, "Maybe you should live. Sometimes it is more important that we just live, no matter what that living looks like. There is a lot to be fixed, and we won't get any of it done if we spend all of our time figuring out how to die. If we die, we will just be leaving behind a mess for everyone else to deal with. I like my people too much to do that, and I think that maybe you do too."

"I have much to atone for, and living seems to be the only way to do it." Gadreel moved closer to Kevin then. "I pledge to you my service and my loyalty, Kevin Tran." He turned to Claire then and somewhat repeated, "I pledge to you my service and my loyalty, Claire Novak."

"Well, thanks for that I guess." Kevin huffed out a little laugh and the mood was immediately lightened.

Gadreel looked back at him, and if a bird could convey mild irritation, this bird did. "I may already be feeling regrets for having given you this gift."

Claire laughed a little then too. "What does all this pledging mean then?" She asked once she got control of her tone, because now Gadreel was giving her the look too.

"When an angel commits to something or someone it is solemn and sacred. I would not betray you because of this bond, this promise. I thought that you both would appreciate this given my history and my…" He ended abruptly as Kevin reached out then pulled his hand back.

"Thank you." Kevin looked a little more serious.

Claire repeated him, "Thank you."

"You said something before, Claire, about the world being more than just good and evil, light and dark." Gadreel seemed to concentrate on her a bit as he reminded her of her words.

"I think that I may have figured some things out. I need to talk to Castiel. I've tried his phone, but he hasn't answered and prayers seem to be going nowhere."

Gadreel closed his eyes a bit and tipped his head back. "Let me see." A moment later and he opened his eyes again and said, "He's alive although not active."

Kevin reached out to her and said, "Why don't you call Dean, catch him up a little. I doubt that Sam has been informative lately."

"Sam," Claire said the name with a little more irritation than she felt. She had expected more from him than some ridiculous assassination attempt against an angel. The fact that he got Jody to go along with it bothered her even more. She had seen in him gentleness and thoughtfulness too, and she wanted that impression to be the sum total of him. This dark act bothered her in that he had consciously chosen to be governed by his rage and desire for revenge. He had allowed others to fall into potential harm for his mission.

"Don't be angry at Sam, Claire. He was not wrong." Gadreel's words were deep in their tone, and she looked away from him, not wanting him to see how upset she was.

"We all have that potential. I just have come to think that we might want to change our tactics a little. He has been kinda leading us here. If he can't keep it together, what hope do we have."

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked.

"I think that the darkness is reflecting what it sees in us. I think that we are teaching it the worst of mankind instead of the best."

"I don't understand." Kevin tipped his head to the side in contemplation. It was a move that reminded Claire of Cas.

"I'll explain later. For now, I should call Dean, maybe flesh out the details with him first." She got up and fished out her phone from her pocket. "Plus, he should know about Sam and that other pair downstairs." She moved to the window. "Gonna be out here for a bit. Hopefully, it will still work, the phone." She climbed out the window to make the call while Kevin and Gadreel just stared at her retreating form.

* * *

He sat at the edge of the bed and stared down at Cas. Gabriel joined them in the space. "You ready?"

"Yep. You?" He looked up at Gabriel and saw his resolve.

"Castiel is stubborn. You'll need to be thorough in your explanation. He is burying himself deeply in the dream world." Gabriel settled into the edge of the mattress and pulled his legs up under himself. Dean mirrored the posture and they each took one of Cas' hands. Dean closed his eyes and felt the warm wash of the dream sweep over him.

The marsh and the trees had grown dim in the dream. They did not glow with the same brilliance that they had before. The trees were oddly colored in the amber light that seemed to cover everything. The bees were gone. Dean scanned the land looking for guidance. Gabriel stepped up to his side. "Did it look like this when you were here before?" Dean asked as they started walking straight ahead.

"No. It was just darkness and then Cas. He is doing this for you. I think that he believes that you will worry less and let it go or something like that." Dean felt his leg sink down into the wet marsh up to his calf. Gabriel moved along at his side.

"I don't know what to say to him. I already tried to get him to see reason." Their movements were slow. The water around them was warm, but not pleasant. The muck beneath its surface was thick and clung to them as they moved.

"You didn't tell him why he needed to come back, you just told him why you needed him around. He could disagree with an emotional appeal. Now you need to appeal to his logic. It's emotion that made him choose to stay here, but logic will release him." Gabriel stopped in mid-step and said, "This is ridiculous." He lifted one of his legs out of the muck and shook it over the water.

"I don't disagree, but unless you have a boat or something, we're kinda stuck like this." Dean started to move along. Gabriel laughed a little and Dean turned back to him. Gabriel was sitting in a small boat not unlike the kind that Dean had seen on TV.  _Swamp People._  He remembered with a smile. "Nice job, Gabe."

"Can't take credit for this one. This is all you." Gabriel reached down and Dean let himself be pulled up. It was a messy endeavor. Dean sloshed the murky water up over his pants clear up to his waist.

"I don't see how you think that I am doing this. I'd have the good sense to make a boat that I was already in." Dean settled into the seat next to Gabriel, and Gabriel started messing with the switches that would get the thing started.

"Actually, it is exactly like you. You are always throwing yourself into messes to prevent others from suffering. Guess you like me a little better than you realized." Gabriel sounded smug and Dean was ready to dive back into the muck to avoid him.

"Still not your biggest fan, but you did die trying to save the world so, you get some brownie points for that. Gabriel flicked on a final switch and the actual biggest fan in the world came to life behind them. It was loud and made conversation impossible. It propelled the boat forward smoothly. As they were moving, Gabriel looked like he was saying something to Dean. Dean just pantomimed that he couldn't hear him, and Gabriel gave up. Dean was fairly certain that he had something to do with the volume of the boat.  _Anything to prevent too much talking of a serious sort. There'd be enough of that with Cas, especially if Claire's words had been true._  She had mentioned that he had feelings for Cas.

The land changed a bit up ahead. A small island, for lack of a better word, loomed up out of the water. The foliage on it was unlike what they saw around them in the swamp. Gabriel steered toward it. The sky above it had swirls of bees that were evident even at this distance. Gabriel shut off the fan for a moment and they waited for the silence. "Suppose that this is where we'll find him?"

It wasn't really a question, but Dean nodded anyway. "I still need to figure out what to say to him."

"It'll come to you. Just remember, that it is about logic. We need him to come back to save humanity, not just you." Gabriel looked at him with a type of worry painted on his face.

"I know that this is not about me." The air was growing humid. Dean ran a hand up through his hair and let out a breath.

Gabriel didn't say anything at first, then he said, "Actually it is about you. It is always about you, but that won't be the thing that draws him out. He needs to know that the world is safer, and that you are safer with him in it. Convincing him of this though requires a focus on his usefulness in the whole reversal process that we discussed. The darkness needs to be tethered and he is necessary for that."

"Okay." Dean muttered and then reached down to the switch to start the fan again. "Enough talking. Get me to Cas." He flicked the switch and Gabriel steered them onward to the island.

When the boat wedged up onto the rough beach that made up the edge of the island, Dean noticed the noisy hum of the bees increasing. The fan was off as they coasted in, so the only sound came from them and the gentle slap of the waves on the shore. Dean hopped out of the boat and Gabriel followed him. They wandered for moments or maybe hours; time was strange.

They climbed a steeply sloping hill of bright green tall grass. A gentle wind blew over the rise and the grass swayed with the breeze in a mesmerizing dance. Dean looked up to the bees that also moved in circles and dips to a gentle rhythm too. They crested the top of the hill and looked down into a valley that was surrounded by trees. In the middle was Cas.

Dean picked up the pace a little as he headed down the hill. The bees dipped into the valley in long trails of flight, then swooped back up into the sky. The seasons were changing rapidly around him. Too bright summer changed to autumn to snowy winter, then back to spring and the lush green. It cycled through them on a dizzying repeat. Dean reached the bottom of the hill and Cas stood and faced him.

Neither of them spoke. Dean turned to Gabriel and asked, "Would you mind giving us a moment?"

Gabriel's lip curled up into a half grin. "Sure, I'll just stand over there and pretend that I can't hear you all." He moved off to the side and made a point of staring at some low lying branches as if they were the most fascinating things in the universe. Dean strode toward Cas with purpose. His focus was absolute. Cas just watched him as the distance shrunk.

"Your brother is an asshole," Dean said when he was close enough for conversation.

"This is a truth. He is also filled with good intentions." Cas seemed to be more interested in looking off in Gabriel's direction than at Dean.

Dean stood just in front of him now. One more step would bring them into contact. "So, can we talk about this?"

"There is nothing to say anymore. This will be the last time that we speak. I've figured out how to block you both from my dreams. I have also figured out how to deplete my grace so that I end. No more interference from heaven then. No more hurt." Cas sounded small and it stood in stark contrast to all that Dean knew of him. He was a badass and this was not right.

"Cas, this isn't you. You are way better than this. Plus, you are needed. We think that you might be able to help us deal with the darkness, and also you know the whole saving of mankind. You can't do it from here though, and you'll need your grace."

Cas turned his attention fully to Dean now. He did not seem to accept the words. "I'm sorry for everything that I have done, the pain that I have brought into your life. I have had much to atone for, but this will be the end of the atonement. Mankind and you will be better off without my help."

"Are you just ignoring what I am saying? You are needed." Dean started to reach out to him, but stopped. Cas seemed to note the move.

"I know that you think this. My departure will release you all from me. The bond that we share is a liability. It connects you to the spell that Rowena performed. I am also connected to Claire. I can't hurt her. She's suffered enough. You need to trust me and let me go."

Dean bridged the gap between them and rested his hand on Cas cheek. "You are wrong. It is not the connection that is the problem. It is your stubborn refusal to see that we are all stronger together than we will ever be apart. You are always trying to leave, to go off on your own to solve the world's and Dean Winchester's problems. You have been wrong every time. I'm telling you that you need to come back, fight this with me. Stand by my side as we fix this. You don't get an easy escape here."

Cas stepped back from him. His eyes fell into a squint as he spoke. "You think this is easy? You think that I want to do this? You think that I'm running away?" The questions slammed at him with the full force of Cas' rage.

Dean sent the emotion back with full force, "Yeah, Cas. I do. I think that you are afraid. I think that you are giving up on me, on Claire, on everything. I think that you are taking the easy path, just like when you did the whole memory wipe to me. You thought that you would make me care less, walk away, but I won't. And I won't let you walk away either."

Cas seemed to be a little shocked. The seasons shifted to full winter. Dean felt the bite of it on his skin. He concentrated on the world around him and shifted the season to spring. He had not known for sure if he could do it, but the success was nice. Cas looked past Dean at the green world and then back. "How?"

Dean was not sure what Cas' question was focused upon, the seasons or how he would keep Cas from leaving him when he had managed to do it so many times before. "You can't just leave. We are connected. Even if you think that you are gone, I've still got you. I can even change things here in your dream, because you and I are not capable of really leaving each other. You are needed, not just by mankind, but by me too."

"How did you know what I did to you?" He didn't elaborate. Dean saw the look of shame pass over him.

"I didn't at first. I should be angry with you. It is a violation of trust. I'm not angry though. I know that you learned this trick from me. I've taught you the worst things, yet you keep thinking the best of me." Dean stepped back toward him again and rested his hand again on his cheek. The connection seemed to be important.

"Everything that I know of humans, everything that is worthy in them, I have learned from you." Cas did not step away from Dean then.

"Well, that is not comforting, but I'll take what I can get." Dean laughed a little and moved closer. He brought his other hand up to cup Cas' other cheek. "You're coming back with me right?"

"I'll hurt you."

"You won't. We're going to fix the mess that we made of this world. You and I are going to talk, really talk about your crazy ideas where I am concerned, and you are going to undo this memory thing that you have saddled me with. I want to remember the moments that you took from me, because I think that you might be a part of them."

"You'll be better off without them." Cas seemed like he was going to step away again. Dean leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Give them back." His voice was a whisper past skin and hair. Cas just stood there a moment seeming to consider his next move. He leaned back a little and stared at Dean a moment before reaching up to his forehead.

"Okay." He pressed his fingers to Dean's forehead.

The memories flooded back into place. The caverns of thoughts and actions that Cas had obscured all came into sharp focus. "Oh." Dean breathed out as the last memory slotted into place, the kiss, and Cas' hands pulling him in with quiet desperation. He opened his eyes with the memory and saw that Cas was taking in his expression. "Why would you take this from me"

"You said that you wouldn't go on if I didn't survive. I knew that there was a great degree of likelihood that I would not survive whatever our next battle would be, and I couldn't have you throwing yourself away over me. I have to know that at least you will be okay." Cas leaned his forehead against Dean's again. "I can't take anything else from you. You've lost enough. I figured maybe if you didn't have feelings for me, that maybe you would be able to carry on after I was gone."

"You never managed to erase that, ya know. Gabriel said that you could only erase moments of action, but that you could never fully erase my feelings without erasing the entirety of who I am." Dean stepped back then and took his hand. "You think that you can maybe come back now, deal with the fact that I'm not going to stop caring, and that the world needs you in it?"

Cas nodded his agreement. Gabriel moved to their side as if he had only been a few feet away. "Finally. Now maybe we can be a little productive you drama queen." Gabriel reached out and took one of his hands. He reached over to Dean and took one of his hands too, and they left the dream.

* * *

She sat across from them surveying their faces, finding only contempt. The shorter one that leaned against the wall looked like she would leap at her with the conveniently placed sword that was within arm's reach. Rowena just smiled, honey sweet tones oozed out of her with each word. "So, you can see that I am not here to do harm, only to seek your assistance." She finished her speech. She had planned it out long before she had even picked up Charlie. She knew that Sam would be reluctant. She had a different speech for Dean, but this path ended up proving easier.

"I have no reason to trust you after all that you have done. And that," Sam pointed at Charlie before finishing his sentence, "That is not Charlie."

Rowena looked at Charlie and donned a look of mock sympathy. "Oh, now don't take his words to heart dearie. You and I both know just who you are." She turned back to Sam. "I thought that you had more kindness in you than that."

Charlie spoke then, "You aren't wrong." Rowena turned back to her then, the sympathy slipped from her face. "I'm not her, your Charlie." She looked down at Rowena, who was sitting at the dining room table, back ramrod straight. Charlie pressed her palms to her hips and tipped her head back. She laughed, "I'll never be your Charlie."

"You're not Charlie," Sam said. "This is exactly the kind of thing that Rowena would do to manipulate us."

"I'm sure she is." Charlie looked down at Rowena past a squint. "I don't know what brought her to the Styne's place, and I don't know what she plans for the future, but I don't expect anything from you where I am concerned. Do whatever. I'm not interested in helping. I have other business to attend to once you all figure out how to fix the darkness problem."

"What do you need to deal with?" Sam got up and moved to the other side of the table so that he was standing nearer to her. The one by the wall, Linda, maybe that was her name, moved her hand to the sword. Rowena dropped her hand to her lap where a small satchel filled with all that she would need rested quietly.

Charlie looked at Sam and took in a deep breath before answering. "I don't know what happened in between, but I know what lead up to the separation, what lead to me being at the Styne's place."

Sam huffed out a frustrated breath, "So now you're going to try to convince me that you are dark Charlie? I know for a fact that you can't be. If one half dies so does the other."

"Yet somehow she lives, Sam." Rowena noted the way that the blonde officer moved her hand closer to her sidearm. The young one sat on the counter. Rowena figured she would be the target. The rest would want to protect her because of her youth. That would buy her enough time for an escape if the need arose.

Charlie began again, "When they came to the motel room, they were coming for more than just me, but I destroyed the computer that would have been so useful to them. I was also not going down without a fight. I sent the file and destroyed the laptop just before they got to me. I was about to slip out the window, but I didn't make it. He should have been easy to take down, with his missing arm and all, but he had some sort of rudimentary magic that I hadn't been prepared for. It knocked me back into the tub. Cracked my skull on the edge of it. That was enough to make me easy pickin's. He saw the laptop and that was when he decided to do things differently."

"Not that I'm buying any of this, but what do you mean by doing things differently?" Sam seemed to be warming to Charlie a little.

She continued, "He was going to just kill me and take the computer, but he saw that I had made a mess of it. He decided to take me back to his place to decode the program at his leisure. He knew that you all would look for me so he made sure that there was nothing for you all to look for. He also knew that I was loyal. They did something in the motel that I didn't get to see. I was knocked unconscious. Next time I was conscious was in the Styne lab."

"How did you get like this then?" Sam was focused on her almost entirely. Rowena was still calculating the room. Everyone was still intense and focused on her more than she felt comfortable with.

"He revived me and told me that he needed my help. He split us up. Of course I told him that he would get nothing from me. He told me that that was a shame and then proceeded to tell me that he had her, and that I would feel the ways that she would suffer under his ministrations." Charlie shook a bit with the memory.

"How could he have her? We burned her body." Sam really did seem like he wanted to understand despite his claims of doubt.

"He harvested her soul and then killed her body. You only saw the shell of her. I live so long as her soul is here. He tortured her. I felt it when he did it. He told me to fix the computer and the file. I refused. He said that he would make her feel more pain than anyone has ever endured. I refused. He was true to his word. He did not get my help; he got my devotion to a cause, vengeance. He came to me again after some short respite during which time I was supposed to contemplate my choices. They had me hooked up to machines and tubes that would feed me and knock me out if they so chose. He was going to begin a new round of torture, when the alarms went off, signalling an intruder. He cranked up the sleepy juice and I did not wake up again until Rowena showed up.

"I'm not saying that I believe you, but if I did, where would I find Charlie's soul?" Sam asked.

"It must be at the Styne place. He wouldn't likely have taken it to anywhere else. It also must still be there, or else I would have died already."

Sam turned to Rowena now and asked, "So, did you bring her soul here too?"

"Didn't know she had one outside her body. I just viewed her as a little miracle is all, and I decided that she just had to be reunited with you all." Rowena splashed the smile broad across her face. She tipped her head downward in mock deference and looked up at Sam past her dark lashes.

"Don't act like this is charity. It is always this way with you. What do you want from us?" And in that moment Rowena felt the spark of victory. She moved her hand from her lap back up to the table.

"I need to cast a wee spell. You see, my son has been a little attentive lately. He wasn't so fond of what I did to escape the little prison that you all made for me. I need protection. In return for your help, I'll help you fix Charlie. I'll help you place her soul back in this body where it belongs."

"I thought that you didn't retrieve it." Sam moved toward her with menace seeping from him.

"I didn't, but it would take nothing for one to find it now that we know that it exists. Plus, a bargain is a bargain after all Sam. You did say that you would kill Crowley and instead you planned to kill me. And after all that I did to free Dean of the Mark. How is Dean now by the way?"

Sam slipped back from her a little with the question. She knew that she had hit him a little with it. "He is cured." Sam offered nothing more.

"But I'm left wondering, Samuel, what have you boys done? The spell should not have done all of this?" Rowena got up and rested a hand on Sam's arm and repeated, "What have you boys done?"

"Dean killed Death, and you unleashed the Mark at the same time. Then this happened." Sam waved out a hand.

"Well, then it is a good thing that you have a witch in your corner to help you fix this." She beamed a smile at him wide as the world.

"I still don't trust you." Sam's eyes were fierce and not to be doubted.

"I wouldn't expect your trust. That will be something that I have to earn. For now, I would like to sleep. It has been many hours since my body has had the pleasure of a mattress beneath it." She turned to the dark haired officer,  _Jody?_  She wondered.

"I'll show you to a room." Jody got up and angled her arm out toward the hall. Rowena followed her and only spared Charlie with a slight glance. She wouldn't go anywhere.  _Things had worked out quite well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written in a different order from the rest, purposefully, to represent the chaos that is looming on their horizon. This is likely the penultimate chapter. I still intend to end this prior to the new season starting, which means that I have only a little time left to pull off the last chapter. I'll likely post it on Tuesday. Hope you all enjoyed it, and thanks for reading this far.


	16. Chapter 16

Everything was awkward when they opened their eyes together on the bed in the Elysium. There seemed to be a consensus that a grand ole feelings chat was unnecessary. Dean was glad for that much. The awkwardness continued on though. Gabriel had a plan, and while laying out the plan, he seemed to feel no desire toward decreasing the awkwardness between Dean and Cas.

It had been decided that they would depart for Sioux Falls as soon as possible. Dean had worried aloud that perhaps Cas needed more time to recover from his recent unconsciousness. To which Gabriel had replied, "What, you want him to sleep more?"

Dean just rolled his eyes and went back to the studying that Gabriel set him to. Studying and asking Gabriel for clarification was his ticket out of Elysium. There were scrolls unrolled across the long conference table in the room that had seen so much destruction in years prior. Dean shuddered a little as he peered off at the broad double doors that had parted for Lucifer's entrance. He may not have been there for the final showdown, but he felt like he had imagined it well enough after Gabriel told him his version of the encounter.

The most difficult part of the plan would be keeping the others from getting involved. Dean worried about that a great deal. If just he and Cas would be allowed to do what was necessary, no one else would have to suffer, and the world would know more than darkness again. There would be light and maybe something like normalcy.

The words on the scroll mattered and the exact pronunciation of those words needed to be practiced. Dean was muttering the words. Gabriel had said that it was important that they not practice it all at once. It could do damage. So they practiced it in spurts. Luckily they would have two days on the road to make it all stick.

Cas sat down at the chair opposite him and began staring at the scroll. "This could be accomplished by just me. You do not need to do this."

Dean looked up from his reading and leveled a glare at Cas. "You really don't get it do you?"

"I don't see the need for pointless sacrifice, especially where you are concerned." Cas glared back at him just as fierce.

"It is not pointless, Cas. You heard Gabriel, and you know he's right. If we want to be sure that this is all put back to right, I am essential. I bore the Mark, and you were the key that released it."

"I know what he said, but I can take the Mark and…" Dean slammed his hand down on the table with such force that Cas stopped talking.

Dean got up and rounded the table. He leaned down into Cas' space. "No." Cas stared up at him. Dean leaned in closer. "Stop trying to do everything on your own. We are in this together." He took a deep breath and added, "You and me over the cliff like Thelma and Louise."

Cas took a deep needless breath and stood up. Dean stepped back a little then settled his hands on Cas' shoulders. Cas said, "Okay, Dean." Dean wasn't sure he believed him. Cas looked up more fully into his face and said, "We'll find each other."

"We will. Remember what I told you before. Gabriel said that you can erase actions from one's memories but not the feelings that accompanied them. I think that no matter how it goes, we carry that with us, and that will help us find each other." Dean let his thumbs press in, a little squeeze of comfort. "Don't forget, I found you in Purgatory, and you were trying to stay away from me."

"As always, your determination is impressive." Cas smiled a little. Dean smiled back. They stood like that for a moment and then Cas' smile fell and he said, "I am worried about Claire too, though. She's lost so much."

"She's going to understand, and Sam will likely be there for her, Jody too. She has people that love her." Dean spoke softly in what he hoped conveyed a feeling of comfort.

"There is also the connection. What if Gabriel is wrong? What if it hurts her?"

Dean pressed his head down to Cas' forehead. "Then we find another way. She's important. Gabriel won't be wrong though. He also said that Kali will help. Claire has her mark. They are bonded. That's something that no one has really considered. There are many powers in the universe that we have had to deal with, forces that have infinite resources at their disposal, yet somehow, in all of this, we beat them every time. This will be no different."

"You have a tremendous amount of faith for someone who was rather faithless not so long ago." Cas let his hands settle onto Dean's waist.

"I always had faith. It was just that it was faith in you, faith in Sam, faith in Bobby. Family is sometimes inspiring." Dean chuckled a little.

"We're going to be okay."

"We are. And like I said, we'll find each other, no matter what."

"I'll find you." Cas' words were quiet. Dean brushed a kiss into his hair. Gabriel came in and cleared his throat.

"You all gonna keep making out, or are you gonna get going?" Gabriel moved past them to the table and rolled up the scroll.

Dean stepped back and Cas did too. Dean took the scroll from Gabriel's outstretched hand. "You didn't give us the all clear yet."

"All clear." Gabriel smirked. Got your bag by the door. Let's shove off." He turned to Cas and asked, "You feeling okay?"

"Yes. I can't seem to get through to Claire, but that might be because of this place. How many days have we been here?"

Gabriel tipped his head to the side and said, "'Bout two weeks."

Dean said, "No way. It's only been a couple of days."

"Time moves differently here." Gabriel threw the information down casually like two weeks was nothing to be concerned about.

"Two weeks?" Dean repeated.

"Two weeks, give or take." Gabriel moved to the door. "Let's go."

"We should call Claire or Sam, let them know we are coming." Dean and Cas followed Gabriel out into the hall. "I keep thinking that the cell phones will stop working. It's weird that with all the power outages, we keep managing to reach each other on these things." Dean pulled out his phone and started to call Sam.

"Hmm, 'bout that. I might have had something to do with that." Gabriel turned and walked down the hall backwards as he spoke.

"What do you mean?" Dean quickened his pace to keep up as Gabriel turned back around to walk normally again.

"Well, I was kinda feeling guilty about putting Sam through not literal Hell. Ya know, when I killed you a few times. Well, I decided to make up for it a little. Gave him permanent wifi. He's likely making and receiving calls over it. It was stupid, but I thought that he might appreciate it."

"So, you made amends for killing me a few hundred times by giving Sam wifi?" Dean's voice rose an octave. "I'm starting to think that angels aren't just dicks; they're idiots. What the Hell, Gabe?"

"Well, be happy that I did this back when I was all juiced up. I mean, it seems to have proven useful. Plus, the people near him benefit too. Claire's phone has been working over his little angel network." He started whistling a happy little tune.

Dean stooped down and picked up his bag. They followed Gabriel out the door and into the odd blue light of the parking lot. The Impala was parked near the entrance. Dean walked over, gave her a little pat and then opened the back door to toss in the bag. Cas moved to his side. "You ready?"

Cas nodded and moved over to the passenger door to get in. Dean turned to Gabriel who just looked at the car with disdain plain on his face. "Worst part about falling, was getting stuck traveling in these tin cans."

Dean rolled his eyes. "This car has gotten us through some pretty rough stuff. I could think of worse ways to travel." Dean moved away from the back door and beckoned to Gabriel to get in.

"Nah, I think I'll get there in my own way." Gabriel smirked and walked off to the edge of the parking lot. He looked back and said, "There are some perks to being an archangel and a bit of a god."

Dean said, "What are you doing, Gabe?"

He turned back to Dean and said, "I'll be right over you both while you drive. I'll communicate with Cas as you go along. I'll even take care of the roads for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that driving is overrated. I'd rather fly." And then he stepped from the blue lit parking lot into the darkness. His form changed from human to avian in a single moment. He spread out his wings wide and golden in the darkness. His new body radiated so much light that Dean could hardly look at it.

"Wow," was all he could say at first.

"Well, get going, Dean." The bird opened its mouth and Gabriel's voice poured out. It was enough to get Dean to his side of the car. Cas got into the passenger's seat with the scrolls.

"See you in Sioux." Gabriel's words were cut off as he crouched and then leapt into the air, wings stretched out wide around him. The smaller birds that had been circling the hotel followed him in a swirling path high up in the dark sky. Dean leaned forward in the driver's seat to peer up at them through the front window.

"Are you able to do that?" Dean asked as he leaned back and got the car started.

"No. I am in this form or I must go without a vessel. Being without a vessel would be ill-advised at this time." Cas stared straight ahead.

Dean picked up on something in the tone. "Why would it be ill-advised?" He pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the road, a spray of gravel was kicked up by his tires.

"My grace has been tampered with. I believe that my vessel has offered me some form of protection from Rowena and others."

"Others?"

"Others." Cas did not offer up clarification right away, so Dean let the information stew for a few moments in the hopes that Cas would explain without prompting.

When he didn't, Dean asked, "Who else is out to hurt you?"

"Who isn't?" Cas looked at him with all the sincerity in the world. "My bretheren have every reason to wish for my end. I have released Metatron through my ineptitude. This is only the latest of my crimes against heaven. I've also managed to slaughter a fair number of angels in the last two years. I decided to engage in a partnership with the King of Hell." Cas stopped talking abruptly.

Dean caught up with the laundry list of crimes that Cas had laid out and said, "Wait, you released Metatron?"

"Not on purpose. He got away from me when we were retrieving my grace." Cas stared out the side window now as if he needed to avoid any chance of eye contact with Dean.

"Cas, look at me." He turned to Dean. "You said that Hannah got your grace back."

"I lied."

"Well, I kinda picked up on that. Why?"

"I was lying about a lot of things back then. Sam and I were lying about what we were doing to save you from the Mark and this was part of that. I made a mistake though. I was selfish, and if I had been less so, he would not have gotten his hands on the demon tablet. I failed."

Dean was struggling with the information that he was receiving. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. "The demon tablet?"

"Yes, he has that. He does not have his grace though. I believe that he is on borrowed time now. Of course, that might make him desperate and that might lead to some very dangerous choices on his part."

"What is he going to do with the demon tablet?" Dean was calming his nerves, focusing a little on the road ahead. Gabriel had dipped into their path and a car that had been in the road slid off into the embankment. He soared back up into the sky after.

"He was saving it along with my grace for some purpose. I have my grace, so I am hopeful that he won't be successful in his endeavors. Even still, the demon tablet in his hands will be trouble."

"Any thoughts on what he can do with it." Dean felt Cas relax into the conversation. His shoulders slumped down a little. The tension in the car had been almost palpable. He wondered if Cas under stress emits a type of electrical current.

Cas seemed to be thinking through all of the varied ways that Metatron and the demon tablet could be problematic. When he spoke it was quiet and the low current of electric air seemed to have mellowed. "It is possible that he had plans that would give him the power of Hell. The demon tablet could be used to seal off the gateway to Hell, just as the angel tablet could seal off Heaven. Controlling who comes and goes from these realms would be something that a meglomaniac like Metatron would want."

"So, controlling the gateways between realms would require your grace?"

Cas hummed out his response, then he said, "I wonder."

He stopped and seemed to ponder. Dean was not patient. "What do you wonder?"

"My grace was used to remove the mark from you. It unleashed the darkness, the chaos. I wonder if we just unleashed the very thing that Metatron had been planning to unleash on his own."

Dean considered it for a moment then asked, "But what does he get from doing that?"

"What does anyone get from doing that?" They thought about that for a few moments then Cas said, "Oh." And then a few moments later, "Oh, no."

"Oh, no what, Cas?"

Cas was ignoring him and pulling out his phone. "It has never been about the darkness and its release. It is about obtaining the mark and the power that it carries. It is about wanting that kind of power." He pushed one of his contacts and put the phone to his ear. "I have to tell Claire. She is in great danger."

* * *

 

Things around the house had become strange. Rowena would venture out into the darkness to retrieve items that she claimed would trap the darkness. She seemed to be under a bit of strain by the time that she returned in the evenings. Sometimes Claire would note the way that she had been watching her. It was subtle and calculating all at once.

Alex came to her room early in the morning on the third day of Rowena's stay. "You up for company?"

"Yeah. They still researching down there?"

"Yeah, supposedly the witch can fix the darkness problem. Sam says that she has a book full of information about ancient rituals and such. Only she is capable of reading it and working the spells. Guess she was the one that cured Dean." Alex settled down onto the edge of the bed. Claire noticed that she seemed to be keeping a bit of distance between them.

"Is something wrong?" Claire slipped her legs over the edge of the bed and sat nearer to her.

"No, I've just been noticing things. I'm taking a lot in." Alex avoided eye contact.

"Like what? Share." Claire smiled at her and gave her a little punch to the shoulder.

"Where's Kevin"?" She still wouldn't look at Claire.

"Don't know. Isn't he downstairs researching with the rest of them?" Claire tipped her head down a little to try to force eye contact. "Why are you asking?"

"I just figured you'd know." She finally looked at Claire.

"You're being weird. I'm not Kevin's keeper. If anything, I'm more your keeper." She leaned and gave Alex a little shoulder bump.

"Yeah, I guess. Sisters from another mister, huh?"

"Uh, if you want to think of it that way, sure." Claire folded her hands in her lap and thought about the words. She hadn't thought of Alex as a sister before. The concept was foreign to her. Maybe this was what it was like to have a sister. Maybe it was about wanting to protect someone. Maybe it was because they were like sisters that she would put herself in harm's way if it meant that Alex would be safe. And maybe it was because they were like sisters that she had never slept as well as she had the night that they had shared the bed. She had felt safe, and she had also felt like she was capable of keeping Alex safe too. "I've never had a sister, so I have no clue what that would feel like."

"I've had brothers, sort of. Not quite the same thing though since they just wanted to use me to get blood, vampires." She looked away again, and it was clear that she felt ashamed of her past. "This isn't like that."

"Yeah, I really don't need any extra blood. Your company is plenty."

Alex looked back at her. "I guess I don't know what it would be like to have a sister. I also don't think that you are my so called keeper though either."

"It would likely be impossible for me to keep you from doing stupid things anyway. You pretty much do whatever the Hell you want." Claire laughed at the look that Alex gave her.

"You're a fine one to talk." Alex laughed. Then they both fell into silence. "I think Kevin likes you."

"What?" Claire wrinkled her features up and said, "When did we end up in middle school?"

"I was just noticing." Alex looked away again.

"Don't be silly. None of us have time for any of this feelings and so and so liking so and so business. Besides, he doesn't," Claire said. She noticed that Alex had found a little string sticking out of the edge of the comforter and she began worrying it between her thumb and forefinger.

"You'd be wrong, but whatever." They kept sitting there together, each contemplating and showing it all in their nervous actions. Claire settled her hand over Alex's hand. It stopped her from pulling the string out of the comforter. Alex looked at their hands together with deep concentration. "Just so you know, you mean a lot to me."

Claire let their fingers thread together. "You mean a lot to me too." She got up and kept their hands together. "Let's head down and help out the fam, Sis." Alex got up with her, but her expression fell a little.

"Maybe not sisters," Alex muttered.

Claire pulled her along toward the door. "Whatever, goober. Let's go help out." And Alex let her lead as they went down the stairs together.

The noise from the others downstairs drifted up in a low rumble of voices. When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Alex let go of Claire's hand and moved off to the kitchen. She called back to the living room, "Anyone want water or snacks?"

Sam's voice called out, "Yeah, bring both and a lot."

Claire went into the living room and let Alex take care of the food situation. Sam was reading from a large book. Rowena was hovering at the edge of the table. Claire said, "What no please or thank you, Sam?"

"Kinda busy." He looked up at her. "You're empty handed. Do research." He reached over and tossed her second large tome. By some miracle, she managed to catch it.

"What is this?" She sat down and opened the book. A little cloud of dust wafted up from it.

"It's a rough translation of the Book of Darkness. A member of the Benedictine Order translated the original. You are looking for anything that details how one would harness the darkness." Rowena took a seat next to her.

"Stay away from her Rowena." Sam raised his eyes back up to her from the book. Rowena kept on sitting exactly where she was. Sam dropped his hand to his waist and then settled his hand back up on the table. Only now he had a large dagger. "I'd hate to have to make my point more clear." His lip curled up into a grin and then he said, "Actually, who am I kidding? I'd love to make my point."

Rowena got up and slowly meandered her way back over to the other side of the table. "I don't see why you have to be so...cruel, Samuel. I was merely going to help the wee girl. It's not like she could possibly handle such weighty research without help." She looked over at Claire with something like sympathy covering her face.

Alex came into the room with a pile of food and a couple of bottled waters poking out of her pockets. She set it all on the table in a tumble. "Here's the grub." Alex plunked herself down in the seat next to Claire and drummed on the corner of her book. "Whatcha reading?"

"Book of Darkness. It's dusty. Here." She pushed the book over so that it was between them. You read the pages on the right, and I'll read the ones on the left." Sam looked up as she suggested it.

Alex immediately began reading. Sam said, "I have other books she could read."

"We're good." Claire glanced around. "Where's Jodes?"

Alex echoed her, "Yeah, where's Jodes?"

"She is out front with Linda, Kevin, and Donna. They needed to let off a little steam."

"And the other one?" Claire asked.

'Charlie?" Sam looked up again.

Rowena said, "Sam does not trust that Charlie is really Charlie."

"This is true." He went back to reading.

"Mind if I go talk with her for a moment?" Claire got up, not really waiting for permission.

Sam hesitated then said, "She's out back on the porch. Don't get too close to her. Go armed."

"Sure Sam. I'll be right back." She made her way down the hall, stopping at the closet to retrieve her sword. It was an unreasonable weapon for her. She took it out onto the porch, and Charlie was just sitting there, staring off into the dark.

Charlie turned back from her seat and stared at Claire. "You coming out here to stab me with that thing?"

"Nah, Sam just doesn't trust you yet." Claire leaned against one of the porch pillars. "Can I ask you something?"

Charlie seemed to be measuring her. Her eyes moved up her frame and settled on her face. "Sure."

"What did you say to Dean outside the bunker around the time that your mom passed away?" Claire rushed through the question, knowing that it was awful and rude to even ask her any of this, but Dean had given her the question. And she knew the answer.

"I told him that I loved him." Charlie's eyes narrowed into a glare.

Claire settled her sword against the railing and then took a seat next to her on the step. "Sorry."

"So, I passed your little test?" Charlie turned her attention back out to the field that was glowing a little under the light of the small birds that were circling the property.

"It was Dean's test. He has other questions too, but I will save them for another time. I might need to identify you again in the future." Claire toyed with her cuticles and wondered what more there was to say to this woman. "You care about Dean?"

"Yes. I love him. Sam too." Claire looked at her as she spoke, trying to get a read on her sincerity.

"Pretty sure that Dean loves Cas." She wasn't sure why she felt the need to share this. It was maybe pulled out of her by the need to protect this fledgling relationship that she thought that they might have.

"Well, that does seem to be the case. I love him like a brother. They are both that important to me. Would have been nice if they had not roasted my other body, but they still rank in my esteem."

Claire thought about the words, the tone of frustration that was swirling about just beneath the surface. "Why did you stick with her?" Claire nodded back into the house to signify Rowena. "She hardly seems to be trustworthy."

"I had no way of being safe in the darkness without her. She kept it at bay. I kinda like my sanity."

"You don't have to stick with her now though. You have us and we can give you the mark of Kali to help for when you want to leave us." Claire lifted her shirt a little to reveal the henna mark on her back. It reminded her that she needed to make sure to have Alex look it over.

"Hmm, things like that make me a tad nervous. I'll pass." She reached down and picked up a mug of coffee that was sitting on the step by her feet. She sipped from it and then just held it warm and steaming in her hands.

"What do you think she is really after?"

Charlie glanced back over her shoulder at the door and then back at Claire. With her voice lowered she said, "I think that she is planning to return the darkness to its place, but I think that it is for her own purposes. I don't think that her purposes are our purposes. We should be concerned. She is all about power and how best to get as much of it for herself as possible."

"That's what Dean said too. He told me not to trust her. He told me to check my bed for hex bags. I told Sam to do the same. Not sure if he has been. He seems a little cozy with her in there."

"Sam isn't cozy with her. He is doing the whole keep your enemies close thing. Rowena is not tricking us. We just don't quite know her game plan. If she can get the darkness back into its bottle, seal it up tight, then we gain. Of course, we have to make sure that this is all that she is doing." Charlie sipped on her coffee again and glared out into the dark. "Do you sometimes see things in it?"

Claire stared out into the dark too. It seemed to have more form today than it normally did. "Yes." She watched as it seemed to take on the shapes of humans huddled up as if there was a crowd made of deep black shadows.

"What do you think it wants?" Charlie set down her mug and hugged herself a little.

"Wish I knew. Last time that it tried to communicate with us things went badly. It turned into people that we cared about and it called us to it. It turned into Jody's dead son and Alex's mom." Claire hugged her knees up to her chest.

"What did it want from you?"

"Don't know. We ended up surrounded by them, these faceless creatures. They could see into our thoughts and they started forming faces of those that we cared about. If we cut them down, killed them, then they would stop, but others formed in their place. It was like that Disney movie with the sorcerer."

"Oh,  _The Sorcerer's Apprentice?_ " Charlie looked at her and then back out to the dark.

"Yeah." The silence lingered between them for a moment then Claire said, "I don't think that it was going to kill us. Funny thing, it only did what the birds had done before, just not quite as sensitively."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, when we first met Gadreel at the tree, he gave us a vision to communicate his intentions. He showed Sam a day with Jess, and he showed me a day with my family. It was meant to comfort us before we could have any further communication. I think now that he knew how Sam would feel about him. He knew that he would not be accepted. He also wanted to do something kind for us too."

"And you think that the darkness is doing the same thing?"

"Well, not exactly. I think that it wants to communicate with us, so it pulls up the thing that weighs heaviest on each of our minds. I don't think that it understands what it is to be human. I assume that if I go over to it, that one of the beings will take on the form of my father or Cas."

Charlie seemed to think this over for a few moments then said, "So, why don't we try talking with it then?"

They stared at each other for a moment and then got up. "You sure?"

"I mean, if it gets weird, we just go into the house under the light of the angel birds." They moved toward it. Within a few feet of the edge of the yard where the light and the dark formed a boundary, Charlie and Claire came to a stop.

Claire reached out a hand to the dark palm up as if she would press it to a window pane. She waited a moment and then took a deep breath. "Hello." One of the shadows became more solid and stood in front of her. It seemed to solidify. A hand and arm formed. It raised a hand and settled it against Claire's.

Charlie did the same beside her and said, "Hello." A form developed in front of her too and did the same.

The Darkness spoke in a collective voice. It was like noise on the wind. "What do you wish from me?"

Charlie looked at Claire and then back into the darkness. "I don't know. A little daylight would be nice."

The voice was low and then piercing, as if it was not in control. "There is no leaving, or daylight past my form. There is no way to give you what you seek. I am all and nothing. I am not here and I am everywhere. I cannot be contained anymore. I am form and void."

"What do you want from us?" Claire asked.

"I do not want anything. Sometimes I want to destroy. Sometimes I want to remake the broken things. Sometimes I want to know what it is to be free again." The voice was loud then quiet like a rush of wind that dies away immediately after its first blast through a canyon.

"If you stay as you are, people will die." Charlie glanced between her shadow and Claire's.

"Do you want all of the people to die?" Claire asked.

The voices slipped through the air, like whispers. "I am everywhere. I am all things. I am form and I am the void. People will live."

"People are dying." Claire felt the chill that emanated from the shadow in front of her.

"In death they are remade. Nothing ever truly dies. In darkness there is creation. The world and all in it can be made anew." The wind kicked up then and the darkness swirled in chaotic patterns like a storm. Claire could feel the force of it on her fingertips. "Why do you think on the dead so often? You contemplate their death and your connections to it. You say that," and the voice changed to Claire's voice on the wind, "everyone I love will die, because of me."

Charlie reached out to Claire then and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You did not cause their deaths. They are not your burden to carry."

"Knowing that does not change my feelings on the matter." Claire kept her hand pressed against the dark hand. To the darkness she said, "I'll always feel like I failed them. In time, I believe that I will fail others too."

"The angel and the hunter?" The darkness questioned her.

"Yes, I have come to care about them, so I will likely fail them." Claire dropped her hand from the darkness.

"Claire! Charlie!" Sam's voice pierced through her concentration. She could hear him coming to her.

The darkness spoke again, "She is not what she seems." The words came out in a hiss.

Rowena was between them. Sam had pulled them back. Rowena raised her hands to the wall of darkness and called out words that Claire did not comprehend. Rowena glowed in soft purple light. The light shot from her in several forks of lightning into the dark. The Darkness throbbed and fell back as if it were all alive and in pain. Rowena fell to the ground, clutching her chest. Sam came down to her side to help her. He scooped her up and carried her back to the house. "Come on." Charlie and Claire followed.

Claire looked back to the darkness though and said quietly, "I'm sorry." The darkness throbbed out to her in a type of acknowledgement.

* * *

 

Rowena laid on the soft mattress of what had become her bed. Jody sat at the end of her bed taking on the so called first watch. Rowena sat up slowly and with a much exaggerated groan of pain. Jody lowered her book, a paperback romance. "So, you're finally awake?"

Rowena groaned again. "A little water please."

Jody set the book aside and moved to the nightstand where a plastic water bottle sat. She twisted off the cap and held it out to Rowena. "Here." Rowena took it with shaking hands, sloshing some of it onto her comforter.

"Thank you." She muttered quietly between delicate sips. Jody took the water back when she was done and set it on the nightstand again. "Are the girls okay?" The question was purposeful, but it was asked in the same weak tone.

Jody sat on the edge of the bed then. She looked at Rowena, and her expression seemed to soften a little. "Yes. Whatever you did, it broke the connection. Claire seems to think that they weren't in any danger. I've made the others keep an eye on her so that she doesn't do it again."

"And Charlie?" Rowena shifted a little, one arm beneath her comforter, the other on top near Jody.

"She's a woman of few words. She said that they were just trying to find out what the darkness was up to or something. She said that they weren't in danger. She and Claire seem to be of one mind on this. Sam's been keeping her busy so that he can get a better read on this."

"That sounds like Samuel. Always the protector." Rowena smiled, her teeth gleaming out in the dark room. Jody seemed to be contemplating her expression.

"Thank you, thank you for stepping in like you did." Jody started to get up after that. Rowena reached out and settled her hand on Jody's arm pulling her back to the bed.

"Wait."

"I should get you something to eat."

Rowena smiled again, and this time, if Jody had been paying attention, she would have seen the difference. Rowena pulled her other hand out from under the covers and pressed the small bag into Jody's hand. She whispered a quick Latin phrase and Jody's eyes rolled up into her head and she slumped back onto the bed. Rowena made quick work of getting up and getting Jody onto the chair. She settled the book on her lap and took the hex bag back. She set a little note on the bed for anyone that should come along to check on her well-being. She leaned in close to Jody's cheek and said, "No, thank you dearie. Thank you very much."

Her dress flowed behind her like she was clothed in rivers of black. Her long sleeves coming to points at the backs of her hands. They were always long sleeves now.  _No sense showing off all of your power at once._  She was out the back door of the house without a single soul to see her. The sky was pecked with the light of the tiny birds flying around like dancing stars. She murmured her spell and the orb of green light formed in her palms. She sent it up into the sky. It hovered, casting a glow upon her that would protect her as she went into the darkness.

The forms at the edge of the dark yard parted for her as she passed into their midst. "That's right. You should fear me wee ones." Her voice was calm as she passed them. They parted like they were a tide being pulled away by some unseen force. She walked onward as though it were all so normal. She was quick and never once cast a glance behind her to see what was left in her wake.

Beyond the home there would be a thick stretch of woodland. And in the woods, would be a creature more wretched and needy than any she had encountered before. She nearly killed him right off for he seemed useless in the moment. But she was, if nothing else, resourceful, and this creature was certainly an irreplaceable resource.

Time passed and the sky was no longer littered with the pesky little birds. it was all darkness and her glowing orb of green luminescence. The forms around her still kept their distance, but she could feel their attention the further she walked from the home. Ahead of her was another glow. It was sickly in a way. She had left another orb behind over a small cave. from within it came the glow of a small campfire. The orange lick of flames mixed in color with the green of the orb light, and it was eerie enough that most would not approach it. Rowena did though, for she knew what it was that was within.

She stopped at the mouth of the cave. She set down a can of food near the opening of the space and waited. "Mommy's home." There was a shuffling and then a hand darted out, snagging the can and pulling it back into the cave. She could hear the sounds of it being opened and then the desperate sucking slurping noises of one that was eating it straight from the can.

She waited. She observed her surroundings and the sky above that held no mysteries. She came down into a crouch and peered into the darkness of the cave. She could make out his shape just past his fire. "You could have come sooner. It's been days." The voice was harsh, but it made her almost laugh with its thread of weakness.

"I was busy." The uptick on the last word made her sound almost insincere. She added, "The ones that I have been staying with required some of my magic, so I obliged. It landed me in bed rather unconscious for days." She smiled her most kind smile. "I came just as soon as I could." Her voice was dripping with syrupy sweetness. The creature in the cave moved toward the mouth of the cave, and she came back up to a stand.

It crawled out to her feet, weak and frail. Its hair was a tangled mess of grey streaked dark brown. His round face was once full, but now it was hanging flaps of skin like the face of a sad bulldog. "When will you do the spell?" He looked up at her with his pitiful dark eyes.

"Today, I think. Yes," she looked up at the empty space around her that wasn't so empty and then added, "Today will be perfect."

"I'll translate the tablet, and you'll trap it all back where it came from?" It was a question that he had asked before, and she had answered with absolute reassurance.

"Just like we planned."

"And the grace?"

"Like I said, just like we planned. All of the players are in place, and you and I can have it all my dear." She came back down to a crouch again, but not so low as before. She reached out to him and cupped his chin in her hand, angling up his face to hers. She leaned in close, like she would kiss him. She just smiled though. "Today." Her word was ripe with promise. He smiled back at her with the joy of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wrong. I need to write another chapter to end this. Sorry if you thought that this was going to be the last chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

The car roared through the darkness. Dean was not driving. They had switched places some time ago. He had even managed to sleep. He woke with his head pressed into Cas' shoulder and back muscles full of aches and pains. He was growing too old for this type of sleeping. Soon enough, maybe there would be a vacation complete with a bed and a white sand beach. Then he thought about that scenario and realized that nothing like that could happen anytime soon given the plan that they were putting into action.

For now there was this, the ever present mission. They had not gotten through to Claire or anyone else for that matter. There was a palpable worry that seemed to settle over the car and particularly Cas. Dean did his best not to think about Sam and all that could be happening to him. He also did his best not to think about the fact that they had barely spoken since their time together in the bunker. He had still been a little upset about so much, and he had not been overly kind to Sam. He did his best not to think about that though.

Cas pulled out his phone again and seemed to be trying to call Claire. After a few moments of effort, he set the phone down with a sigh of resignation. They had assumed two days for the drive. They had assumed that the roads would be difficult to navigate. Gabriel though had proven a most useful travel companion. He had managed to push aside all of the cars that had been abandoned. This road was littered with cars. Occasionally, Gabriel would swoop down into their path and they would see his bright form racing around some scattered debris or some massive trailer. The items, whatever they were would slide off of the road usually in a grand crash just moments before they passed. Dean had a hard time with it. He slowed up each time. Cas seemed to be more comfortable with trusting Gabriel. Plus, he had the connection with him. They were carrying on a conversation throughout most of the journey that Dean could not hear.

They had been on the road for several hours. Although, in normal circumstances the trip would take a mere twelve hours, Dean's caution during the early stages of the journey had lost them some time. The benefit of Gabriel's actions above had shaved off an assumed day of travel though, so there was that. "How long did I sleep for?"

"You slept for two hours, seventeen minutes." Cas stared dead ahead while he answered.

Dean smiled at the precise nature of the answer. "How much longer do you think that it'll be?"

"I believe that we have four hours, thirty-seven minutes until we arrive at Jody's home."

"And you still haven't gotten through to her?" Dean knew the answer already, but he wanted to get Cas talking. He seemed to be too tense.

"I can feel her a little. She is not able to pray. I believe that she is unconscious." Cas gripped the steering wheel harder and seemed to speed up a little more. The roar of the engine seemed more like a pained growl.

"You gotta slow down a little, Cas." Dean rested a hand on his shoulder. "Baby can't handle this speed for too long." Cas slowed up a little, but not much. "I'm worried too. I don't want my last conversation with Sam to be the one that I had over the phone or at the bunker. I want him to know that I…" Dean trailed off a little and turned to the passenger side window. His hand slipped from Cas' shoulder as he did so.

Cas' hand came over to his leg and settled there. "He knows that you care. You are the most important person in his world."

Dean looked back at him. "That's part of the worry. What if he doesn't go along with the plan?"

"We won't give him a choice."

"But, this is Sam. He isn't exactly the kind to just go along with my wishes unless it involves me nearly killing him with Death as an audience."

Cas seemed to think about that for a time. "Well, we just have to make sure that he sees this in a certain kind of light. He is always willing to sacrifice himself for the good of others, you in particular. If he does not see your act as a sacrifice, he might be able to accept it. Of course…" Cas trailed off now and moved his hand back up to the steering wheel.

Dean felt the loss of the contact like a cold spot in an otherwise warm room. "Of course, what?"

Cas looked back at him and said, "We are assuming that we will have a chance to explain anything. I do not see that happening. She is in danger now, which means that they are all in danger now. We will not stop to explain ourselves. We will just fight and save them from whatever that woman has done." Cas' words dropped into a level of coldness that Dean felt deep in his bones.

Dean did not respond. He knew that Cas was right, that it would be mayhem and fighting, just like always. He had to tell Sam that it was okay, that he could go on and that he and Cas would be fine.  _How does one do that in the heat of battle though?_

Twenty minutes passed and then twenty more. Dean began to fidget with the edge of the seat. Occasionally, his eyes would wander over to Cas. He felt a degree of sadness overtaking him, then a warmth like before. "Cas?"

"I know," Cas' voice was low and soothing like he really did know.

"What do you know?" Dean watched him and felt the warmth course through him.

His eyes took on the look of sympathy that Dean had seen so often in Cas. It reminded him of so many intimate conversations that they had had where Cas would just say a word or two and then suddenly it was all a little better. Now he seemed to be trying to communicate without words. Then he took in a deep needless breath and said, "We never do get enough time."

"Not exactly what I was thinking, but…" Instead of finishing the sentence he shrugged. Dean rested his arm on the back of the seat and let his hand rest a little on Cas' shoulder.

"It all comes down to that though, time. You and I and even your brother, we never seem to get the kind of time that is needed. I have lived for millennia and yet I still lament the fact that now time is something fleeting." Cas leaned into Dean's hand a little and Dean flexed his fingers into a type of massage there.

"You make it sound like you are giving up, like we are done." Dean wondered if he had been deluding himself into thinking that their plan wasn't an end.

Cas smiled, but it was wry and filled with so much that was not happiness. " _We_  will never be done." He stopped speaking and looked at Dean to make his point. "No matter what,  _we_ will never be done."

"Okay, Cas." Dean slid closer to him and moved his arm around his shoulders. Cas fit there well while they drove. Time passed. Dean looked at his watch to determine how long they had left.  _So much time when we don't need it, but it will all be gone when we want it back._  Cas tipped his head a little and Dean pressed his lips to his temple. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm still sorry." Cas looked back at him and then returned his attention to the road. "I wish I had said something to you sooner. I should have told you how much you mean. Claire tried to tell me that it mattered, the saying of it all. She told me that I needed to say it." Dean felt the warmth again as it filled him from head to toes. "Is that you, the warmth?"

"Yes. You can tell me to stop if you wish." Cas tipped his head again and Dean leaned into him, breathing in his scent. He wanted to take in as much as he could with each moment, because he might not get the chance again.

"We didn't get enough time." Dean finally came to the point that Cas had found earlier. "I would have liked to have tried things like maybe actually staying with you."

Cas gave him a look, a raised eyebrow and a half turned grin. "So, you would have liked to have tried things?"

"Yeah, I said that." Dean had a tone that was a little funny, almost defensive.

Cas repeated him, "Like staying with me?"

"Yeah, why are you questioning it?"

Cas laughed, "Your euphemisms for sex amuse me."

"It wasn't a euphemism. I was just saying that I wanted to try things, like actually staying with you and you staying with me. No  _adios_. No goodbyes."

Cas looked more serious. "Then let's be sure not to say goodbye." Cas closed his eyes for a moment and Dean grew nervous about the driving. Cas opened his eyes back up and said, "Gabriel is going to drive for a few minutes."

"Uh, how?" Cas just looked at him and Dean shrugged off the stupidity of the question. "Why?"

Cas moved his hand from the steering wheel and rested it on Dean's cheek. Somehow Gabriel was controlling the vehicle while flying overhead. Dean did his best to focus on Cas, on his hand and not on the fact that Gabriel was in control of his car. "You should know that I will stay with you, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. I am never going to leave you. I know that you were angry at me before, because I said that I would go. I won't now. I will be with you until I cease to exist."

Dean leaned in and they held each other as Cas' lips brushed softly against Dean's. His hands moved around to the back of Dean's neck and angled him more into the kiss. Dean closed his eyes and concentrated on the warmth that coursed through him, the way that Cas was filling in the gaps of emptiness. He was whole and surprisingly happy for a man on his way to battle.

He grabbed hold of Cas' coat at the collar and pulled him to his chest. Cas pressed in, impossibly closer. When he let Dean breathe, running his lips down past Dean's jaw, Dean said, "I'll never leave you either." They clung to each other in the dark, as they raced forward toward the end. Dean held onto Cas and counted out the seconds, minutes, moments that they had left.  _There was never enough time._  Dean leaned back some and Cas loomed over him. Dean ran his hand up into Cas' hair enjoying the soft feel of it between his fingers. "We'll find each other." He spoke his biggest worry again.

"We'll find each other."

"How?" Cas reached down to Dean and settled his fingers on Dean's lips.

Cas said, "We will always find each other. We might not even know that we are looking for each other, but somehow we will be drawn back together. I'll feel you across miles and through time. I'll know you even if I don't remember why or how. And it'll be the same for you." Cas looked out to the world beyond the windshield. Then he added, "I wish that Gabriel could be more exact in his location."

"Well, it does seem pretty amazing that he has it figured out this much." Dean wanted to pull Cas closer, feel the press of him. Cas seemed to understand as he smiled down at him.

He leaned down to Dean. "Gabriel says thanks for the compliment."

Dean pushed Cas back a little. "He's listening to us?"

Cas closed his eyes a little and said, "He said that he can hardly tune us out and that you should not be such a prude."

Dean pushed Cas back a little more and sat back up fully in his own space. "Thanks, Gabe." Dean huffed out as he leaned forward in his seat and peered up out of the window.

Cas settled back into the driver's seat and took over the driving again. "You should review the scrolls again before we arrive." Cas reached back over the seat and pulled the scrolls up, handing them to Dean.

Dean muttered as he took them from Cas. Dean stared at the words and mouthed them silently, making his way through the lengthy page of script. He was good at memorizing short spells and such, but this was long, very long. Cas was watching him a little as he worked through the first chunk again. Dean stopped and said, "I'm a little worried that I won't have it just right before we get there."

Cas reached over and rested his hand and arm on the seat back behind Dean. "I would like to help, but I don't wish to do anything that would be viewed as a violation." Dean's brows furrowed. Cas continued, "Gabriel told me that what I did to your memories was unacceptable. He made connections that I had not made before. I should not have done that to you."

Dean understood why Cas had done what he had done. He understood it too well. "I believe that you were trying to help. I know you, Cas. I know that you always have my best interests at heart. Not saying that you should ever do that again, but I do get it." Dean could feel Cas' hand move down to his shoulder. He gave Dean a squeeze of affection. Dean asked, "So, what is it that you can do to help me with my little memorization issue?"

"I can give you my memory of it. Then you will know it the way that I know it."

"What about you? Don't you need to remember it?"

"I won't forget it. It will be like the time that I showed you Purgatory only less exciting. We will both have the memory and you won't have to worry about accuracy, because I remember it quite accurately."

Dean took in a breath and squared up his shoulders under Cas' hand. "Ready when you are."

Cas moved his hand up to Dean's cheek, and Dean felt the flood of images passing through him like water breaking free from a dam. Then there was the room at the Elysium and the scroll was spread out on the table. He was looking at the scroll through Cas' eyes and the words were all taken in with a glance. Then he looked closer and the hide that the words were written on became fragments, grit and molecules. Dean felt himself pulled into the scroll. He was seeing it in its barest form. It was a history lesson. The scroll became the unwritten hide stretched out in a tanner's hovel. It became the animal newly slaughtered. It lived covered in fur and a fine layer of dust. It was born and stumbling through fields of tall grasses. Cas released him and the world was the car and darkness again.

"Whoah. That's...I don't know what to say about that. You see the world that way all of the time?"

Cas smiled at him and reached back to his cheek again. "May I show you something else?"

"Sure." Dean wasn't sure what he was agreeing to, but this was Cas, so he wasn't worried.

The images came again and Dean saw only darkness. Then there were splashes of light, bright and colorful. Dean watched the dance of the lights and felt a giddy bit of energy pass through him. He felt like he did when he fought and hunted. He felt like he did when things just went so right. He was proud. He watched the light. A blue swirl of energy, it looked like grace wrapped around the lights. It looked like it was stitching it all together. It was gentle in its movements. Dean felt like he was a part of the energy and also like he was watching it separately.

The colors came together and formed something nearly white and too bright to look at. It was beautiful. He felt a surge of affection course through him. It was something like love. There was a desire to be closer to it all, but he was close to it, touching it, molding it into a form from the formlessness that it was before.

Once again he felt himself slide back into the reality of the car. Cas was watching him. "It was beautiful wasn't it?"

"Was that how the world was created?" Dean couldn't form any other explanation for what he saw, but it reminded him of the story that Gabriel had told him about creation and the darkness.

"In a way. It is my world."

"What do you mean?"

Cas smiled at him again. "It was how I put your soul back together. That is you."

Dean swallowed audibly and looked back at him not knowing what to say. He leaned back in close and pressed a kiss to Cas' neck. "Thank you, Cas. Thank you for always seeing something in me worth saving." And though he couldn't quite say it out loud, he thought,  _I love you._  He made sure that it was pushed out like a prayer.

Cas sent a little brush of warmth through Dean. He felt it settle into his chest. He felt his skin warm with it like the flush of new love, which made him smile a little when he thought about it, because there was nothing new about his feelings for Cas. The warmth surrounded him and made him feel safe and loved in return. As he thought this, the warmth inside him throbbed out in time to his own heartbeats. Cas let the warmth stay with him, and Dean closed his eyes and slipped into a kind of sleep in the crook of Cas' neck.

When he opened his eyes again, it was because Cas had slammed the car to a stop. The warmth that had been swimming around inside of him retreated. The visions that Cas let him have in his dreams became the reality of the car. Cas shook and seemed to be seizing up. Dean grabbed him and forced him to look into his eyes. "What's happening? Talk to me Cas."

"It's Claire. She's hurting her." Cas twisted in pain and let out a sharp sob. Gabriel flew down to the car and Dean could hear him ask what was happening even through the window.

"Someone's hurting Claire," Dean called out to Gabriel. "What do we do?"

He had no answer. Cas gripped Dean's shirt. "I have to get to her."

"We're almost there." He turned to Gabriel who was sitting on the hood. "Get us to her."

"No, I need to get to her immediately. There's a spell. She's…" Cas let out a scream of absolute anguish. Dean pulled Cas from the driver's seat, ready to drive if Gabriel wasn't going to intervene.

"Come on, Gabe!" Dean yelled out. He noticed then that Cas was staring at Gabriel and that they were communicating in their weird silent way. "What's happening? Talk to me." The world around the car became a maelstrom of whirling darkness. Within the storm of it forms began to materialize. "What is happening?" Dean was yelling out to Gabriel now.

The darkness became bodies, shapes that pressed out toward the car. Cas spoke, "I'm going to her." He pulled Dean to him and kissed him, hard and fast. When he released him, his head tipped back and his grace poured from him. Dean watched it trail off into the darkness.

"Gabriel!" Cas' body slumped over at his side.

Dean opened his door and stepped out, not caring that the world was falling apart. The commotion and chaos in the darkness was held back from them by the birds that swirled up around them both. "You should stay in the car. It isn't wanting to harm you, but it might."

"Cas is in there. What is happening?" Dean was torn between dashing off after him, following the pull of his grace, and falling back into the car, tearing off into the dark.

"The darkness is, surprisingly…" Gabriel chuckled a little and then continued, "helping."

Dean drew himself closer to Gabriel. "What is happening?"

"Rowena is performing a little ritual. Seems she requires a bit more of Castiel's grace. Claire has a bit of that in her."

"Why does she need his grace?" Dean was balling up his hands into fists at his sides.

"She is trying to take the Mark. She is trying to take over Hell and perhaps even earth."

Dean stormed back to the car and was about to race off when the darkness spoke. "Help will be yours. The river must end at the source. Pull us back to the source."

Dean looked out the windshield to the mass of forms clamoring for the front of the space. Dean said, knowing that it could hear him, "Help us save them and I'll pull you back to whatever source you want."

The darkness parted, and Dean raced ahead into it. Gabriel launched up into the sky, lighting a path ahead for them both.

* * *

It was easy enough to manipulate the whole lot of them. She slipped back into the bed before Jody even stirred. She even got a few minutes rest in before there was a movement at the doorway that woke her. It was her, the one that she was there for. Rowena sat up. "Claire dear, what brings you here." The words were song-like in their delivery. She smiled and seemed to purr out energy as she sat up slowly, languidly.

Claire moved into the room and looked down at Jody. She rested her hand on Jody's shoulder and gently squeezed her as she spoke. "Jody, wake up." Her voice had a gentleness to it. Jody jerked awake and nearly fell out of the chair.

"What the Hell happened?" She shook her head and looked from Claire's concerned face to Rowena.

"Good morning sleepy head," Rowena said. "You get enough sleep?"

"I don't remember falling asleep." Jody shook her head again and cast a glance around her like she was trying to find the last hour somewhere in the room.

"No one ever remembers falling asleep." Rowena stretched out long and lean, arms held high over her head. "So, what brings you to the room, Claire? You sure Sam would be okay with you talking with little old me?"

Claire frowned, and said, "I don't need Sam to tell me to be wary of you."

"Oh, I thought that things would be better now, seeing as I saved you from the very clutches of the darkness." Rowena looked to Jody as if to gain some sympathy.

"Claire, would you mind telling Sam that our neighborhood witch is up and running?" Jody swished a hand off to the door, but Claire did not move.

"Actually, I would like to speak with her for a moment, if you don't mind." Claire stayed by the door and even leaned into the frame of it a little. Jody got up and stood facing her.

"What do you need to discuss?"

"I just want to ask her about the darkness, what she saw, and why she intervened." Claire turned her attention back to Rowena. "If you don't mind of course."

"I would be happy to answer your questions." Rowena's words purred out of her again, and they were comfort to anyone that would harken to them. That was the irony.

"I'd rather not leave you alone with her." Jody lingered in the doorway then another of the many members of this household popped into the space near them.

"I'm here." It was Charlie. Rowena wondered if Jody would be comfortable with her.

"You can trust her," Claire offered up.

Jody seemed to consider then said, "I'm gonna go talk with Sam. I'll be back in minutes.

"He's out in the front with Kevin and Linda. They're working on a spell."

Rowena sat up more. "Oh, a spell. Should I join them? I happen to have some skill in that regard."

"I'm sure that if he wants your attention, he'll ask for it." Jody moved from the room in an irritated huff.

Rowena watched her go before commenting, "So difficult sometimes. So much jealousy from that one."

"Shut it." Claire took the chair and flipped it around. She sat in it, legs framing both sides. "Why are you here?"

"I thought that you wanted to know why I saved you and something about the darkness." Rowena's lips though curled up into a grin.

"I understand the darkness well enough already. I want to know why you felt the need to involve yourself in our little communication, and why you are here. I can't see what you gain from being here." Claire glanced at Charlie and added, "Or for that matter, why you felt the need to bring her."

Charlie committed more to being in the room. She curled her fingers around the footboard of the bed. Rowena said, "I became rather fond of her. I saw potential in her. She would make a powerful witch that one."

"I don't want that, try again." Charlie's words were harsh, bordering on angry.

"You wish I had left you there? Ah, you have spent too much time with the," she paused and then dragged the word out like it was filthy, "Winchesters. Always with the self-sacrifice and death. I'd think that you had gone through enough of that by this point." Rowena hoped that the length of her response would sway them from their purpose. She just needed to get them to the clearing, to the spot that was ready and waiting.

Clarie glared at her and said, "Dean told me not to trust you, so I don't."

"Isn't he the one that has brought you so much misery, child? Isn't he the one that has, through his very existence brought death to your mother and father?" She tipped her head in what was meant to be a sympathetic gesture. "Is this the man that you've chosen to trust."

Charlie spoke then, "We trust him more than the woman that unleashed the darkness and leveled a curse on Cas." Rowena looked at her with what was meant to be shock, her eyebrows arched well up into her forehead.

"I'm not responsible for any of that. I merely removed the Mark from Dean per Sam's request. I did not release the darkness."

Claire interrupted, "And Cas? I suppose he just up and cursed himself."

"Well, no, that, I'm afraid was all me. I cursed him and set him on the King of Hell, my son. Fergus is not a good son." She slowly dragged out the sentence and seemed to taste each word as though each was turned to rot. "He and Castiel would have murdered me the moment that the spell was complete. I escaped in the only way that I knew how. And it was good that I did. The world needs me. Needs you both too." And they looked at her with confusion.

"What do you mean, the world needs us?" Claire asked.

And the hook was set.  _Now to reel it in with gentle tugs._  "I can give the darkness an anchor. I can fix this little problem, but I need some very rare ingredients."

"What do you mean when you say, 'give the darkness an anchor?'" Claire asked.

"It is out of control. It wants to be stable. It needs to be stable. The world will not survive much longer with it unleashed as it is." Rowena brought her hands up and steepled her fingers under her chin. She rested her elbows on her knees, which she had pulled up a bit on the bed.

Charlie still looked at her with doubt, so did Claire. Charlie asked, "What are the rare ingredients?"

_Pull the line in just a little._ "It's not worth mentioning. Sam has already said no. He does not want you to be at risk. I tried to tell him that you would not be harmed in any way, but he wouldn't even listen to me. I suppose that I will find another way."

"You're avoiding. Just tell us what the ingredient was." Claire got up now and moved closer to the head of the bed.

Rowena looked away, then leveled her gaze on Charlie. "He was unconcerned about you. I guess he figured you were old enough to handle your own life choices. Either that or he still thinks that you are not Charlie. Either way, it hardly matters, like I said before."

"If it doesn't matter, then you might as well mention it. I don't see the point in the secrecy," Claire huffed out.

_A little nibble and the hook is almost in._ "The spell requires grace, just a little. I thought that we could pull a little from you. You have a bit left over in you from Castiel. I would imagine that you haven't even noticed it. We can wait though. I suppose that Cas would be willing to give up some of his directly, though I'm not sure how it will affect him."  _Tug the line; draw them in._

"It would harm Cas?" Claire sounded genuinely concerned.

"I have to admit that I tried before. It was weeks ago now. I sensed that it hurt him greatly."

"It did." Claire's quiet confirmation seemed like it was dripping in guilt.

"Hmm, you sensed it?" Rowena reached out to her. Claire nodded. "Oh dearie, I'm so sorry. I never intended for it to reach you. Plus, I stopped the moment that I realized what I had done. With you, there'd be no pain. The grace does not cling to you as it does with him."

Charlie stepped between them. "You said that you need ingredients and you need both of us. So, I see what you want with Claire, but I don't see how I fit in with your little plan. So, get with the explaining."

"You are quite important too. You are a special creature, split from yourself, tied to another world even. To seal in the darkness, I need grace and a key to lock it up tight. You, my dear, are the key."

"Get to the point." Charlie squinted down at her.

"I'll use the grace to draw the darkness, and then when it is flowing just right back into the earth, that'll be when you come into play. The right string of words and I can draw just a little of your soul out. I can use it to seal off the earth once the darkness is contained. It is the same spell that was used to contain the monsters deep in Gaia's womb."

"Uh, my soul?" Charlie's voice rose an octave.

"Yes. I also won't lie to you. It'll hurt a little." Rowena dropped her voice low.

"Why? I mean, what is so special about my soul?" Claire reached out to Charlie as the question was asked.

"Well, if you have another candidate in mind, by all means, do share. I need someone that has been resurrected. The key pushes the darkness beyond this world to another, and the resurrection is necessary because it ties the darkness to a secondary dimension that is beyond the veil. The darkness is or rather was held in the space between Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. It is all about connections, and the darkness is connected to us all." She gave a significant look to Charlie and said, "Some more than others. Surely you feel it. The darkness within you."

Charlie moved her arms up around herself clearly feeling something. Rowena swung her legs off of the bed and walked over to the large picture window. She leaned into the frame of it and pretended to be staring out at the darkness in something like contemplation. Charlie walked over to her and stood a few feet away. "I don't know that I believe you." Her tone said that she did though.

_And they nibble at the hook._  Rowena did not look to her when she spoke. She seemed almost as though she was just talking with herself. "It hardly matters. We'll have to wait for Castiel and Dean anyway." She sighed and continued. "Dean has been resurrected a few times and will surely be willing to give up a small portion of himself to fix the damage that he so unwittingly caused. And I know that Castiel will likely do the same. It will be hard on them both, but they are accustomed to pain. Plus, it is for the greater good."

Charlie leaned into the space near Rowena now. "I still don't understand what you gain from this."  _Nibble, nibble, nibble. Just bite already._

"I get order in the world. I will destroy my son. I have unleashed him on the world and for that I must do my penance. I cannot accomplish anything in a world so full of chaos. When this is done, I'll leave you here. I'll go into hiding until I can be sure that success is possible where he is concerned, but at least I'll only have that to consider."

Claire moved closer to Charlie and said, "He's your son." There was something that dripped from the simple words and Rowena could feel the ground lost in her progress.

"Yes, he is. I loved him once, when he was young, when his father was something else. I loved them both. It is unfortunate how time changes some people so thoroughly. There was a monster living in him even then, something that craved power at all costs. I should have known; I could have helped him. I was blind to it though. I was his mother."

"And his father?" Claire asked, still holding that tone, something like sympathy now.

"He was lost long ago. He would have been appalled by the choices that Fergus has made. He loved us, loved me. I have lived with the ever present loss for ever. He was," she stopped and leaned her head against the window, "everything."

Claire's hand came up to her. "I'm sorry."  _One down…_

Charlie still watched her warily. "How was he lost?"

_Truth or lies?_ Rowena said, "When Fergus was but a wee baby, we may have gotten tangled up in a controversy. You see, I was a powerful witch, and his father was not. The grand coven did not like my mixing with someone like him. They did not see his potential like I did. Instead of facing them, we packed up Fergus and tried our best to stay hidden with him. Which was no easy feat. Try hiding with a baby. Our life then was adventure, and there was something quite exhilarating about it, but there was always real danger lurking around every bend. We avoided the coven for years. Fergus grew and with time his disposition changed. He was a selfish creature, needy in a way that I had not seen in other children."

"How so?" Claire asked.

"He would steal from the local village children. He garnered nicknames from his actions. And boy could that child eat. He was a large child to be sure. When it came time for us to run again, I worried that I was doing him more harm than good, hauling him all over the world. So, I attempted to find him a new home. I was unsuccessful. He was not an appealing child with his propensity for thievery and overeating. So, once again I was dragging him around the country. The coven was closing in on us. We found sanctuary in a small village. I thought that it was safe. I let Fergus out to play in the yard and some of the coven found him. They asked him where his parents were and he told them. He didn't understand, I suppose, but that hardly matters. The damage was done. They came into the shack that we had been using. Fergus cried when he saw them pull his father away."

Charlie asked again, "What happened to his father?"

"I can only imagine that he was killed. The spell that they used made him seem to split apart into particles and then there was nothing. To them, he was an abomination. To them, I was a symbol of all that the coven despised." Rowena took in a shaky breath and continued. "I was lucky though. I had enough power at the time to turn some of their own on them. I grabbed Fergus up and we ran."

"But you didn't stay with him, your son?" Claire looked saddened by the thought.

Rowena brushed the back of her hand over her face in a quick move that would remove the tears. "I did not. Something happened to him that day when he interacted with the coven. From that time forth, they were always able to find us. It was as if they just knew where we were no matter how I hid us. So I did what I had to do to survive."

"You left your child." Claire seemed to be upset. Her voice was grit and irritation pouring out past a thin line of lips.

"I did. But I made sure that it would be safe. I traded my son for farm animals. I had to make it look like a deal was struck and that I did not value him much. In that way, I gave him safety. This was done just in case they did find him. I also took from him his memories of his father and some of his memories of me. This seemed to make the coven struggle with their locator spell. I checked on him often, and he was finally safe."

"Did you ever tell him what you did?" Claire asked.

"No, and now he is beyond me. I cannot help him. He is the King of Hell. He is evil, and I must deal with him."

Charlie sucked in a deep breath. "I'll help you."

"Me too." Claire words were practically a whisper.

"They won't let you. We'll just wait for the angel and Dean." Rowena tempered her look into one of absolute seriousness. She continued to stare out the window.

"No, we won't wait for them. They've suffered enough." Charlie was earnest in her response.

"I don't have to use Dean. I suppose that I could convince Sam. He has been resurrected too. His soul though is so fractured. I wonder at the damage that such a spell would do to him."  _And hooked. Reeling them in._

Claire said, "We will do this. We'll keep it secret too. No sense in worrying them."

"When do we start?" Charlie asked.

Rowena turned to them now and looked on them both with so much sympathy painted on her face. "In two hours. If the darkness were not present, you'd see a lovely full moon and such conditions as that are always kind to spell-casters such as myself."

* * *

"Do we trust her?" Charlie asked as they sat on the ledge outside of her window.

Claire looked out into the darkness and said, "No, but if we can help put things back to how they should be, then we might not have a choice."

"Do we tell anyone?" Charlie asked.

"Maybe. Alex is trustworthy. She would let us do as we saw fit, and she would have our backs. We could tell Kevin, but I imagine that his loyalty would be split between us and his mom."

"What if we call Cas or Dean and get a feel on this?" Charlie pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged them there.

"I haven't been able to get a thing from Cas. Dean said that he was unconscious. He likely has enough to deal with. I don't need to add to his situation. Plus, they would just try to stop us."

Charlie laughed a little. "Yeah, if they aren't the ones diving into the fire, then they don't approve."

"Ain't that the truth." Claire started to get up. "We need to be cautious. We should also go armed. I don't want to be taken by surprise."

"Me either." They both eased back into the bedroom and began gathering the items that they thought that they would need for the night. Claire slipped her blade into the large duffle bag that she kept in her room. She opened a trunk and showed Charlie the selection of weapons that she could borrow from. "Wow, you aren't to be messed with."

"I've learned a thing or two." Claire smiled with approval as Charlie selected a dagger and a small handgun.

"You two going somewhere?" Alex leaned into the doorway. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, giving her a youthful appearance that belied the potential for violence that swam beneath her surface.

Claire reached over and pulled her in, closing the door behind her. "Yes, and we need you to keep our secret."

Alex raised one eyebrow and sat on the bed. "Well, now you two sure do look intense. Not sure keeping your secret is such a good idea.

"Then let us convince you," Claire said as she sat down beside her and rested her hand over Alex's.

Claire and Charlie took turns explaining the situation. They told her about the way that they would slip from the house out into the woods. They mapped out for her how they would get to the site that Rowena had planned to use for the ritual. They told her everything that they knew, and then they waited for her response.

"Hmm, so you think that you can trust her?" Alex asked.

"No," Charlie said. "But we trust you. So, you sit on the information for twenty minutes and then you tell the others. If the spell is not what Rowena claims, then they will maybe be able to get to us in time and then they can stop it."

"That is the worst plan ever." Alex got up, throwing Claire's hand aside as she did so. "I'm supposed to just wait here for some random ass amount of time and then tell everyone so that they can get to you maybe late, likely late." She turned to Claire and said, "I thought that you were smarter than this Claire."

Claire got up and said, "Well, if you are so smart, why don't you tell us what we should do."

"A bonding ritual."

"What are you talking about?" Claire cocked her head to the side.

"It would be temporary, of course, but you could let me perform a bonding ritual with you. Then I would feel if anything was wrong. I'd know the moment that anything happened." Alex moved to the door. "I have the necessary items in my room."

Claire grabbed her arm and held her back. "It won't hurt you will it?"

Alex moved closer to her. "Are you planning on getting hurt, Claire?"

"Well, no, but what if something happened to me? Would it hurt you?"

"Yes." Alex pressed a hand to her cheek and added, "So don't go getting yourself hurt." She smiled and then left the room to retrieve the necessary items for the spell.

Charlie broke through the silence. "She cares a great deal about you."

"I know," Claire responded as she stared at the empty doorway.

"We need to make sure that no one gets hurt."

Claire looked at her and said, "I hope that we aren't making a mistake."

 


	18. Chapter 18

_Fools._  Rowena smiled off at the thin stand of trees that separated the clearing from the rest of the world. The darkness was kept at bay by the hovering green orbs that she had sent up. It had all been rather easy. The spells she had cast had been simple. Sending Jody into a bit of sleep befuddled her just enough. Then there was the conversation with Claire and Charlie. They were moved by sentimental storytelling and not by a spell. Sam and the others had been more of a challenge. It all worked out though. She gave them fascination. She had enchanted a few things. Each of them became positively enamored with them.

There had been a sword that they all just had to practice with in the front yard, and for Sam there had been the books. The books had been tricky, but in the end she had managed. Sam just couldn't get enough of them. He was reading from them even now, while Claire and Charlie were likely making their way out to the clearing.

For once, she thought that she might just be on the precipice of happiness. So much had been done to get to this day. So much needless suffering, death, and sorrow. She had changed since the Grand Coven had stolen everything from her. She had had to change. There would have been no way to continue. Some of what she had told Claire and Charlie had been true, but much had also been lies. She was after all, not able to care about them right now. She had to set that part of herself aside. She had to for fear that she would not be able to do all that she needed to do. She'd do it all again in a heartbeat if she had to for her family.

 _If they had just been better at protecting their friends, I could have done this some time ago._  Instead, Charlie was removed from the equation. Rowena had sensed the specialness in Charlie nearly from the start. At first she thought that she was a witch, but then she saw so much more. She could practically smell Oz on her. Her time back on earth had done little to dull the years spent there. Even the Stynes had not managed to ruin the connection that still lingered there. So Rowena was falling closer and closer into the kind of happiness that came from hope.

There had been a time when she had felt hopeless, like there would be no way to get back the things that mattered most. It had been a truly dark period for her. She had, for a time, chosen a path that would lead to death. The world and some of its people had given her mercy and kindness though, and because of that, she lived. She shook off the memories of that time and focused on the tasks at hand.

She gazed about now at the empty space; the flattened rise of rocks at the edge looked almost like an altar. She had retrieved Metatron from his cave. He was curled in on himself, clutching the demon tablet to his chest. It was a thing that he did, and Rowena was not fooled by it. He was always trying to look small, weak, so as to keep others from seeing his power. It worked on most, but she was not like most.

He was going to be so useful too. She would need him to take care of the part contained on the demon tablet. Although she was adept at a great many things, being able to read the tablet had not been one of her skills. Rowena looked at Metatron's little curl of lip and assumed that he was thinking of Castiel, of the little angel that could. She couldn't imagine what he would do with Castiel's grace if he had it. Well, she could imagine a great many things, but she wasn't worried about what his plans were, because they did not matter. He did want it though. It was maybe jealousy or bitterness that was driving this want. After all, Castiel's grace was something truly special. He was a rare angel that had had the audacity to love a human. And due to that, his grace had become unique.

She watched as Metatron set up some of the necessary items near the rock altar. He was practically humming with energy, smiling away at what he saw coming. They were quite close to having so much power, well she was anyway. Getting the darkness back where it belonged would make the power of this awesome thing accessible to one that is clever. She felt particularly clever, and with the  _Book of the Damned_ , she felt like nothing could stop her.

She considered her son then. She had made great strides where he was concerned. She had manipulated and altered him to such a degree that she would likely have nothing much to do where he was concerned. He likely still thought that she was out to kill him. He could think that. It hardly mattered. She smiled at the thought.  _Really, a wee human killing the King of Hell, and my son to boot. Ha, as if someone like Sam Winchester could accomplish that._  She knew that Fergus was never in any real danger. Then there was the business with Castiel at the end of their little spell. That was just protection and escape for her.  _What could the angel really do against the King of Hell?_  The short answer was,  _nothing._

What it did accomplish though, in the whole grand scheme of things, was that Fergus was currently not in Hell. He was out looking for her. He was even drawing close. She worried about that a little. She would have to be quick if she was going to put her plan forward. Each half would finally be made whole again.

Past the darkness she could see a small patch of light making its way to them. "Hide in the brush," she said to Metatron with a wave of her hand at the edge of the clearing.

He scampered off like a timid fawn, hunched over and still clutching the tablet. Claire and then Charlie behind her moved into the space. She turned to them with a smile. "Rowena." Claire's voice shook a little, belying her confidence in the moment.

"Hello, dearies." Rowena walked over to them. She stretched out her arms and said, "Shall we?" They moved to her. "Did you have any trouble with the darkness?"

"No," Charlie said. "It parted when we sent the orb up. Your magic is impressive. It reminds me of what I saw from the Wizard in Oz."

Rowena turned to the rock fixture then and set out her implements. "I have been a witch for some time. I have a great many skills."

"So, who will you need first?" Claire stood at her side, clearly ready to offer up herself for the cause.

"First we will need Charlie." She reached back and beckoned Charlie forward. She had her sit on the stone before her. She took her palm and with a long rather sharp dagger, she drew a thin stripe of blood from her. "I'm sorry about the pain."

"I've felt worse." Charlie gritted her teeth around the words as Rowena pulled her hand over a silver bowl.

Claire said, "I thought that you just needed a little of her soul. What are you doing with her blood?"

"I need the blood to draw out her soul. Don't worry, I won't need much." A few moments later she helped Charlie up from the rock and moved her off to the side. "Here you go dear. Sit here while I prepare the rest." Blood magic was some of the strongest magic, and to gain blood willingly would add to the strength of her spell.

Charlie seemed to be rather weakened as she sat, more so than she would have been from just a little blood letting. Rowena's magic was already doing its part. The spells cast earlier on this site were already drawing her soul forth, and yet she was so blissfully unaware. The blood was the final catalyst. She smiled at Claire then and reached out to her. "Will you need my blood too?"

"Only a little." She casually wiped off the blade and looked over Claire as if she were assessing the best place to draw from. "Lay here." Rowena guided her into a prone position. "I'll need you here for a bit longer than I needed Charlie." Claire complied and laid down. Her breathing was coming in quick staccato rises and falls. Her eyes were wide and nervous seeming. "Do you freely choose to give of yourself for this spell?" Once again the willingness of the one making the sacrifice added to the strength of the spell.

"I do." Claire's words were offered up quickly and with conviction. "You said that it might hurt." Claire breathed out.

"Only a prick of pain. Way less than what the angel will feel." She smiled down at her now.

"What?" Claire started to sit up.

" _Placidus_." Rowena waved her hand over Claire as she spoke. Claire's body stiffened and lay flat and still.

Claire was able to speak though. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, no need to worry. You'll likely survive this. I will just need you to channel all that grace into my little spell." She noticed how Claire's eyes darted to Charlie and Rowena turned to take her in. "I can't make any promises where she is concerned. You'll have to understand." Rowena drew the dagger down Claire's neck. It was a shallow cut, but it would be enough to drain her quickly enough. She angled Claire over the edge of the rock and the blood ran down into a secondary bowl. Rowena began a low murmur of words. Metatron oozed out of the brush and stood at her side. "This one is for your spell." She nodded down to the bowl that was filling with Claire's blood. She took up the other bowl, the one with Charlie's blood and now the slight glimmer that was some of her soul.

"That was incredibly easy." Metatron's face stretched into a smile that ran up to his eyes.

"I am quite capable." She smiled at him benevolently. She murmured into the space around them and the darkness whirled about in response. Metatron set the demon tablet next to Claire and began his own recitation. The world became a storm around them.

Claire choked out, past the pain that she was likely feeling, "Alex." A few moments later she began shaking violently. Rowena still murmured the words to her incantation and Metatron still made his way through his own.

Charlie fell down to the ground nearly unconscious. "No," she murmured into the earth, little puffs of dust curled up near her lips. "I can feel it. You can't open the gateway. You don't know what will come through."

"Oh, but I do know. Why do you think that I needed you?" Rowena leaned over her and smiled. She raised a hand over Charlie's body and said the final lines of her spell and beyond them both a great green light spread out. It cleared a little, and through it one could see the rolling green hills of Oz.

Charlie pulled her head up a little and stared off through the portal. "They'll all get through. You don't want them to get through." In the distance there were flying creatures swooping from high in the sky to the earth as if in some sort of battle formation.

Rowena held out her hands to the opening and called out past the roar of noise that was now surrounding them. " _Videte vocationem meam revertere ad me."_  The flying beasts seemed to note the opening, but they were a ways off. Rowena concentrated on the space before her. Her brows came together. She repeated the lines, " _Videte vocationem meam revertere ad me."_

Charlie crawled in the dirt, trying to put distance between herself and the opening. It wouldn't matter, the space between them. "Claire," she called out, weak and pathetic.

Rowena turned back to Claire and saw her lips moving as if in prayer. "Are you praying to your angel?" Rowena moved to her side. "I suppose we can begin working on the rest of our plan." She looked to Metatron, who was still working on his recitation. He smiled at her all swarmy charm.

He asked, "What were you calling from Oz?"

"Someone to help. We'll have to work without it for now."

Metatron looked past her. "Well, you may want to close that portal for now. The flying monkeys seem to be getting close. And there's a sentence one doesn't get to say often enough." He returned his focus to the tablet and his own recitation.

She moved back to the opening and stared into it. She reached a hand up to her chest and pulled out a small vial that hung suspended from a leather strap that was around her neck. When she pulled it up in front of her face she could see it pulse as if in response to the world beyond them. She pressed it to her lips. "Should I free you to that space? Would you return to me?" She wrapped her hand around the vial and closed her eyes. She could feel her son drawing closer. She felt him moving to her from both worlds. She could only feel him though. She made a snap decision. She pulled open the vial and watched as the soul within whirled up out of the vial and into the air. It flowed past the portal into Oz. She watched it until she couldn't see it anymore. "Return to me soon," she whispered out to the air before her.

"Rowena," Metatron interrupted her thoughts. "You really should close that portal."

She moved back to his side. Rowena sent a wistful glance back at the opening and with a wave of her hand closed the portal. Charlie fell into unconsciousness. She looked down at the girl and assessed the situation. There would be enough of her left to open the portal when the time came. For now she could focus on the other situation. She raised her hands up over the prone body of Claire and said, "Any last words?" Claire did not speak. Her eyes were closed.

Rowena began her part of the ritual that she and Metatron had discussed. Claire then whispered out with what seemed to be a dying breath, "Yes, Castiel."

Metatron stopped his recitation. "Oh, that is not good."

Rowena looked at him, stopping in the midst of her spell. "What?"

"She said yes." He moved to the other side of the rock and pulled out several leather straps that had been hidden there. "Good thing we have these. They'll at least slow things a little." He began tying down Claire to the rock.

"She isn't going anywhere." Rowena began her spell again.

"She said yes." Metatron was moving up to her torso now and was running the straps under the rock.

"Yes, you did say that." She did not attempt to alter her tone to make it sound less harsh. She needed him, but not enough to be kind anymore. The ritual was already begun, and the darkness was already being pulled to the earth.

He looked at her steadily, pausing in his work. "You don't get it. She said yes to Castiel. He's coming."

"What do you mean,  _he's coming_?" Rowena tipped her head to the side and continued to stare at him.

"He's going to claim her body as his vessel." Metatron looked away from her as a noise of movement burst through the space behind Rowena. "We have company."

Rowena turned and said, "That we do." She smiled as she took in the small waif of a girl that stood clutching a long sword in front of her.

"Let her go," Alex's words rang out with confidence across the space between them. She seemed to be in pain though, and Rowena detected a hint of weakness in her stance.

"Or what, dear? You are hardly a match for me." She laughed and waved a hand sending Alex to the ground in a heap. Rowena turned back to Claire and muttered out several more words as Metatron finished tying Claire to the stone. A bright flash of lightning forked up from Claire to the sky and Rowena looked up after it as some of the energy shot through her.

There was a noise again of others joining them. "More company," Metatron offered up needlessly.

She turned her attention to them. Sam was at the front of the pack. "Let her go, Rowena."

"Oh, Sam. Ever the martyr. Have you come to die for her, for them?"

"If I must, but somehow, I don't think that that will be necessary." Blue light streamed down from the sky and poured into Claire's supine form. Her eyes opened up and glowed out at the sky.

Rowena laughed, "Oh the challenges that you think you present." She waved her arm at Sam and propelled him back to the ground. She turned her attention back to Claire's body and smiled, "It's a whole lot easier to get at your grace now that you are here."

"Let her go." Sam scrambled up to his feet again. Jody, Donna, Linda, and Kevin burst through the trees into the clearing.

Rowena looked back at him and took in the others too. "The darkness let you through?" Rowena wiggled her fingers about and made little bolts of electricity dance between them. It was more for show, but she was also enjoying the feel of it all, so much power coursing through her.

Jody said, "It is amazing what one will do for love." She stepped forward, sword upraised. Before Rowena could knock this little sprite of a woman to the ground, Jody glanced up to the sky thus drawing Rowena's attention to the same space.

There was a great whirlwind of creatures, bright white and moving down into the clearing in a cyclonic fury. She braced herself for the impact that some of them would make. She reached up and directed her newfound power out to the sky. An earth rocking pulse of energy shot from her up into the light. Around them all the world was filled with the falling birds. Their bodies crashing to the earth was like the sound of soaked towels dropped on concrete. Rowena smiled again at her handiwork. Jody launched herself into Rowena's space and actually made contact. The others followed her lead.

* * *

 

He had raced through the dark. They had been so close to Jody's place already. Dean cursed the situation that had once again occurred.  _Of course Cas would have to run off. Of course he would leave to save the world. Why can't things just work for us?_

Mere minutes after Cas had left his body, and Dean was slamming to a halt in front of Jody's house. He pulled Cas' body out of the car and carried him in his arms up to the house. "Sam! Jody!" He rushed through the empty house. He shoved the screen door at the back of the house open, and as he passed through it he let it crash closed behind him. "Claire!" He called out to her and again to Sam and Jody. At the edge of the yard was darkness. He moved to it. The shapes became human and beckoned him forward. It parted for him as he drew near. There was a trail made by it that he followed. "Thank you." He yelled as he ran into it. Cas was heavy in his arms, but he channeled his strength and rushed ahead.  _This is crazy._  The darkness was a wall of whirling storm around him and clear up to the sky that was also dark.

Dean burst through a stand of trees into a clearing. Sam and the others were there scattered in heaps on the ground. Dean stood at the edge of the clearing, Cas' body hanging in his arms contemplating his next move. He spoke the words that they had practiced in the car. He was clear and loud in the rush of noise that spiraled out around them. Rowena was advancing toward him. Claire's body was sitting up. She had grown stronger when she had said yes, because Cas claimed her body. Cas tore the bands that had held her down like they were nothing.

He sat up and Claire's eyes glowed out with the brightness of his anger. Rowena did not note Castiel at her back. Dean reached the end of his recitation and hoped that Cas would have time enough to do his. He would have to do it soon and not in Claire's body. The area around them suddenly burst into brightness. The earth, littered in the bodies of hundreds of birds began to glow. The darkness parted and clear blue sky shown down on them. The world around them though was still a swirling mass of dark. There were bodies in the mass too, hands and arms reaching out as if to cling to the light that was not for them.

Dean called out, "Cas, Metatron."

Unfortunately, that caused Rowena to turn her attention back to Cas. She murmured some words and held her arms out at her sides. Purple bolts of electricity shot from her hands as her eyes rolled back. As the light pierced through the space between them a form of pure bright light intersected with its path. The bird, bright and glorious had spread its wings wide as it took the full brunt of the attack to its chest. It fell in a heap at Claire's feet. A second bird entered the clearing from above and landed at Dean's side. The voice that poured out of it was Gabriel's. "Cas, it's time to vacate the premises." Claire's head fell back and the blue light of Cas' grace soared out of her open mouth and back to his prior vessel. Dean felt the body take on the grace again.

Dean let him go, and the two of them stood side by side. Gabriel flew to Claire and waited for her to rise up. Cas spoke the words that Dean had spoken before. The energy that Rowena had used before had apparently taxed her greatly. She took in a great lungful of air and recited her own spell. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small golden hex bag. Dean noticed how Metatron had reached out and grasped the edge of a small blade that Rowena had used in the ritual. Claire's blood still lingered on the edge, running down to the hilt.

Rowena tossed the bag at Dean. It hit him. A cloud of pollen like substance clouded the air around them.

* * *

 

Claire saw Metatron moving toward her. Gabriel intervened though as Metatron raised the blade to her. He spread his wings and launched into the air, talons flared out and ready for battle. Metatron slashed at him, but Gabriel was stronger. His talons cut through the hanging dugs of Metatron's ill fed face. Blood streamed from him in rivulets as he fell back, knife still slashing back and forth with wild abandon. Claire scrambled up onto her knees. Seeing Gadreel's fallen form, she moved to him and pulled him to her chest.

Somehow, in the action, the others regained the ability to move. Kevin and Alex came to her side. "'Bout time," she said.

Alex rested a hand on her back. "Couldn't move until now." They stood as one and faced Rowena. Gabriel landed on Claire's shoulder and condensed his size as he did so.

"Don't think that he will be doing anything for awhile." They turned and looked down at the bloody mass that was Metatron.

"Is he dead?" Alex asked.

Gabriel shrugged his bird form as if to say  _maybe_. Cas was fighting Rowena. Dean was laid out flat on his back. The sky was opening up more. Charlie came to their side next. Each member of their group was slowly making their way into the inner circle, but then once they arrived, no further action seemed to be possible.

"We have to help them," Charlie said. "Why can't I move?"

"We're where we need to be," Gabriel replied. "Trust me when I say this, it's all part of the plan."

"Is Dean okay?" Kevin looked like he was trying to pull free of the hold on him.

"That was not part of the plan. Here's to hoping." Gabriel looked back over his shoulder. Sam was moving into the circle, and then there was Jody.

"I can leave this body and help him." Kevin turned to Gabriel with fierce determination.

Cas dodged a burst of energy that came from Rowena. She held out her hand toward him, "Give up and I might let the others live. I have the power of the darkness and a thousand years of witchcraft coursing through me. You have nothing that can defeat me."

"And yet you have not even given me a scratch." Cas came down low to avoid her next assault. He stayed near Dean, creating a barrier between Rowena and his body. "You didn't finish the spell, so the darkness is not yours to command, and the darkness is angry." Rowena cast a glance about her at the rolling dark. She seemed to gain control of the moment though and concentrated again on Cas, holding out her hand toward him.

Gabriel gave Kevin a nod, and suddenly he left the body. Freddy was left staring off at Dean. "Will he be able to possess him?"

Gabriel said, "Like I said, here's to hoping." Linda and Donna entered the circle next. Gabriel turned to them. "Welcome to the party. Castiel told me that I had to make sure that you were all protected. The witch can't see you in here, and her magic can't reach this place."

Sam was dividing his attention between the fight outside the circle and Gabriel. "How are you alive?"

"Really, Sammy. That's your question? Claire's holding Gadreel, you fight alongside a dead prophet, and you and your brother have died too many times to count. Now, we don't have much time, so I'll answer the questions you should be asking."

Sam blinked and turned his attention back to Dean for a moment. "I need to help them."

"Kevin is taking care of this. Look, he is getting up." Apparently, Kevin had successfully possessed Dean. He rose up to his feet and stood facing Rowena and Cas.

"Now you were not invited to this party." Rowena's words curled out into the space between them. The darkness throbbed around them. The whirlwind of it increased. Cas moved toward Rowena. It was an odd move, given the situation.

There was also movement from behind them. Metatron stood. He held in his bloody hands the demon tablet. He began reading from it. The words poured out of him and the world smelled of sulphur. "No," Gabriel said as he sprang from Claire's shoulder toward Metatron. Metatron held out a hand and seemed to have power now that he did not have before. Gabriel was frozen in the air. Metatron continued to read from the tablet.

Freddy strained against the hold that Gabriel had erected. "We need to push out against it, help them."

Sam said, "Concentrate on just one part of it. We can get past it."

Claire felt the pain that was coursing through Cas as one of Rowena's spells hit him in the chest. He staggered back and his hand slipped into his shirt seemingly to grip at the wound. Kevin moved Dean's body to his side. Cas said, "You've done enough Kevin." He nodded to him.

Rowena loomed over them both now. She reached back and the blade that Metatron had held before flew to her hand. "I require your grace Castiel. Time to make the sacrifice."

"You already took what you needed."

"No, I merely got started. She was just a funnel for all that you had to offer. As long as you two shared your connection, I could suck you dry. Better to take from the source though." Metatron's words were still a flowing mass of what seemed like gibberish behind her. She turned to him for a moment and said, "Not now dearie." With a flick of her fingers Metatron became silent. He looked to her with something like shock.

Gabriel regained his mobility and flew at the tablet in Metatron's hands.

Cas lunged at Rowena.

Kevin left Dean's body.

Dean lunged at Rowena.

Together, Cas and Dean finished the spell as if they spoke with one voice, one bit of forward momentum driving them toward success.

The earth split open at their feet and Rowena staggered back taking them both with her. They clung together, not as if they were trying to fight, but instead as though they were just trying to keep each other upright. Then the darkness burst from whatever was holding it back and it surged toward the chasm. It was soaring into the space like a raging river after a storm.

Small birds swarmed into the clearing, their bright pinpoints of light pocking the dark. Claire screamed out, "No, Cas, no!" He looked to her past the mass of dark, past the fight that Rowena was pulling them into and smiled at her. She felt the flood of warmth as he sent out a pulse of pure love to her. She felt it and still she clawed at the barrier that was keeping her from him. Sam looked from the fight to Claire and took on a look of focused concentration as he pushed out at the barrier.

Freddy said, "Where's Kevin? Why hasn't he come back to me?" Linda moved to his side and gripped his arm.

"Oh, God no. He can't get past the barrier. Come on push past it all of you. Focus." Linda pushed out her hands to the invisible wall around them. Each of them did the same. "Come on," she yelled again.

Sam looked to Claire as they pushed at the barrier. "What are they doing, Claire?"

"He's going to leave me." She pushed harder at the space in front of her and her hands moved forward.

Dean, Cas, and Rowena were being pulled toward the gap in the earth. Dean looked over at Sam and smiled too. It was a look that was too like Cas', and in that moment Sam had to know that his brother was about to do something maybe stupid and maybe sacrificial. Sam pushed harder and his hands moved forward. He yelled out at Dean, "Don't you fucking dare, Dean Winchester."

Gabriel passed back through the barrier and dropped the tablet. He soared back out to the battle and spread his wings wide. He called out to the sky. The small birds swooped into the space and flew in circles of ever increasing width. They let out a collective sound, one long drawn out note in middle C. The chasm grew and Rowena pushed out her hands to her sides and called out her last spell. Dean and Cas fell off of her. In that moment Claire and Sam burst from the circle.

Dean yelled at him, "No, Sam! You get back. We got this."

Cas moved with greater swiftness to stand between them and the witch. "Put them back, Gabriel."

"Too late. Can't stop." Gabriel was glowing brighter now. The earth was opening more. The birds were a maelstrom of movement. Gabriel grew and the light was blindingly white. Rowena threw back her head and raised her arms out toward Gabriel sensing perhaps that he was the threat. Cas moved between them. Dean rushed to his side.

"No, Cas." Dean lunged toward Rowena though and her body fell into the chasm. Before he could fall too, Cas grabbed him, keeping him steady, yet hanging by his ankles over the wide gap.

"Don't you go running off just yet." Cas smiled down at him.

Dean turned his head to look up at Cas and said, "Anytime now." Cas settled him back on solid ground. Sam rushed to him and Claire came to Cas. The world still swirled around them in wild abandon. Gabriel still called out to the heavens it seemed. The notes were changing now. The birds dipped into the dark and in and out of the chasm.

"When will it stop?" Claire asked.

"When the final sacrifice is made." Cas smoothed back her hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He had not done that before, but somehow, it seemed to be okay now.

The barrier behind them came down and the others were at their side. Freddy spoke again, "Where's Kevin?"

Cas looked up at him and said, "He isn't here."

Linda looked like she was two seconds past panic. "We have to find my son."

Sam reached back and took her hand. "He's here. He has to be. We just need to close up this, whatever this is and he'll come back to us."

Jody leaned down and hugged Claire. She looked at Dean and asked, "How do we fix this, Dean?"

Dean looked to Cas and then the others. Claire followed all of the unspoken exchanges, the glances, and the way that they all seemed to be too calm in the face of chaos. Sam seemed to have taken it all in too, and said, "Oh, no, oh no, no, no. This isn't the way. It is never the way. Not everything requires Winchester blood. Come on Dean, no." He was begging and Dean reached out to him. Sam punched him away. "How dare you? How dare you do this to me again?"

Dean stared at him steadily and said, "This time is different. I want you to know that I'll be fine. Cas too." He reached over and took Cas' hand and added, "We're doing this together. It's the only way. We are the final ingredients in this. We unleashed the darkness and the mark on the world. We have to give it peace again. We owe it that much."

Claire spoke up then. "Don't leave me Cas." She looked at him with tears on the precipice of falling. She moved away from Jody a little and toward Cas. "Not you too."

"I'll still feel your prayers. No matter what, I'll carry you with me." She wondered if it was a lie. He reached out to her cheek and held it in his hand, gently like she could break.

Gabriel's voice rose above the rest. "The portal is open." The brightness on him burst out in a glare so strong that they all turned away.

Dean said to Sam, "I am happy to do this Sam. You gotta let me do this. Cas and I will be fine."

"Where will the portal take you?" Sam stood and moved closer to them. Dean held out his arm, and Sam didn't advance any further.

"Love ya Sam." He smiled at him, and he and Cas stood together. They threaded their fingers together.

"Tell me where the portal is taking you." Sam called out over the noise. The birds dipped in and out of the space and a bright orb of light formed in the earth. A hand broke through the surface of it and a mass of red hair too.

"Go now!" Gabriel yelled.

Cas turned to them and said to Claire, "I'll think of you everyday."

"I love you, Cas."

He smiled back at her and said, "I know."

They stepped toward the light together, held their clasped hands up high, and jumped into the abyss.

The light blinked out in an instant. Gabriel fell back to the earth in a heap. He looked human now and rather naked. Sam clawed at the earth where the hole had been. Claire fell to the ground in a heap, sobbing as she did so. She looked past tears to the space that had swallowed the darkness and all that she had left of her father. She felt as though she was forever doomed to have her family ripped from her.

A hand settled on her back and then she was pulled into a fierce hug. Jody clung to her and pressed a kiss to her head. She rocked her back and forth in her arms. Sam was on his knees, forehead pressed down to the earth. His back heaved in what was surely sobs. The world was quiet now, except for the sound of their grief. The darkness was gone, and the world was once again a place of form and peace.


	19. Chapter 19

They are too silent. The room feels full and empty all at the same time. Claire can't stand the thought of looking at any of them directly. No one is touching. They all sit with space separating them. The one that had been naked, was sitting in an armchair, thankfully clothed. He was now wearing an overlarge plaid shirt that must have come from Sam's wardrobe and a pair of very loose jeans. Claire looked away from him when he looked up. She let her eyes fall on Gadreel. He was still a bird, and he was still seemingly lifeless on her lap.

Donna came into the living room from the kitchen bearing a tray full of steaming hot mugs. she set it on the coffee table and said, "Thought you all might want something to drink."

Jody spoke for all of them. "Thanks Donna." She even leaned over and took a mug, bringing it up to her lips to blow across the top.

Donna turned to the formerly naked angel. "So you are Gabriel, like the trumpet blowing archangel Gabriel?"

His lip curled up into a smirk, "Yep. The one and only." He leaned over and took a mug from the tray. They all fell into silence again.

Sam got up and began pacing in front of the fireplace. He was clearly working up to something. He had argued with Gabriel as they had walked back to the house. Gabriel had offered up little to the conversation. He seemed to be evading direct responses. When Sam stopped pacing, Claire knew that he was ready to launch into another rant. "Where are they, Gabriel? Can you just answer me that?"

"Like I said before, where they are and when they are is not something to be worked out with any degree of accuracy. They are gone. They don't need to be saved." Gabriel leaned back deep into the chair. Sam looked like he was going to dive across the room at him. The tension in the room was almost palpable. She pulled Gadreel closer to her, smoothing his feathers between her fingers.

"You say a lot of things. You've never been a fountain of information, at least not direct information." Sam resumed his pacing. "If you can't pinpoint where they are or when they are, then you don't know that they are okay. This means that we need to find them and bring them home."

"Sam." Gabriel got up and set his mug on the coffee table as he did so. His pants sunk down a little and were barely hanging onto the edges of his hips. He moved to block Sam's pacing. "Your brother and my brother are fine. They chose this, almost happily, I'd like to add. This is the first time that Dean has ever gotten to chose an outcome that wasn't completely miserable. He got to keep Cas. He may have a situation that separates the old Winchester brother's partnership, but he is, at least, not going it alone."

"Do you know how many times this has happened to us before? Oh, right you do, since you were the cause of some of it." Sam shoved him. Gabriel actually moved back a step and looked shocked by the result. Sam seemed to be encouraged by this. He shoved him again. "Dean chose Hell over letting me die. I couldn't save him then. Dean ended up in Purgatory. I couldn't save him then. Dean died hundreds of times by your hand."

Sam shoved him with each sentence. Gabriel stepped aside and said, "But you did save him. He came back to you every time. Plus, I didn't really kill him. It was just a lesson. Temporary death doesn't count." Claire could see the direction that this was going. Sam threw his arm back on the wind up and let Gabriel have it. His fist connected with Gabriel's chin, sharply and loudly. He followed up with a left then another right, until Gabriel was a bleeding mess on the floor of Jody's once tidy living room.

Sam stood over Gabriel for a moment and then stalked out. "I'm done with you until you can tell me how we fix this. Dean and Cas diving into a pit isn't the end. We don't leave family behind. We save them." Sam shouted over his shoulder as he left.

Charlie spoke in a quiet voice then. "Well, that went well. I would also like to add that sometimes we do leave family behind. Just saying." She got up and went upstairs. Claire looked after her and contemplated following her. She could sense though that it would be awkward and would likely comfort no one. Freddy and Linda stood off to the side against the wall. Neither spoke. It had been hard to drag Sam back to the house. It had been harder to convince Linda and Freddy to return. They called out to Kevin as they made their way deeper and deeper into the woods. Donna was the one to eventually get them back to the house.

And it had been Jody that had gotten Sam to return. Gabriel got up. He was a bloody mess. He stood over Claire now. "Would you mind if I took him?" Claire pulled Gadreel closer.

"Why?"

"I want to practice my nursing skills." He came down into a crouch. "I promise not to hurt him. He can't get any worse anyway, near as I can tell." He started to smile, but his lip split open a little more and blood trickled out of the crack.

"You have some power left to heal him?" Claire loosened her grip a little.

"No. I'm fairly powerless now. I do have a ton of knowledge though. I'm kinda old, so I might be able to figure out something where he is concerned." He held out his hands and Claire considered the situation a moment before giving in. She lifted Gadreel and settled him in Gabriel's hands. Gabriel got up then and walked off with the bird to some other part of the house. Claire turned from his retreating form and looked out to the front porch, where Sam was.

Claire knew that there was nothing much to be done. She had come to know what it was to lose people that mattered. Sam had said once that death wasn't always the end of things. _Or something like that._ She had thought that the statement was strange before. She got up and went out to him. His head was pressed to a porch post. He was staring down at his boots, dejected and in all ways defeated. There were small water stains on the ground near his feet. She moved to him and wrapped an arm around his middle. She had wondered if he would allow it. He did.

Sam's head came down to a rest on top of hers. She could feel the wetness of tears. "It never stops." He heaved a breath and then shook a little. "We get two steps forward and then he goes and leaps into another fire. Why?"

It was a rhetorical question. He didn't mean for her to answer it, but Claire felt the need to do it anyway. "Because it's Dean, and Cas too. You even do it. In fact you understand it despite not liking it. It's okay for us to sacrifice, but not anyone else, least of all the people we love." She stepped out of the hug and took his hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's not over yet. We'll figure it out. I have faith in you Sam Winchester. Somehow, you and your brother always manage to find each other in this great big world. And if you figure out how to get him back, I'll get Cas back too."

The smile that he gave to her seemed half-hearted in its effort. "I don't even know where to begin. Not to mention, Kevin's gone too. Keep losing people left and right. I don't have much left to give."

"We just gotta give Gabriel a chance to come down from the battle. Then we gotta get him talking. He'll share something useful. He'll help, even if he doesn't seem like he wants to much." She threw a glance back when the screen door squeaked open.

Jody slipped out onto the porch and rested a hand on each of them. "How are you both holding up?" The answer was obvious. Sam's knuckles still dripped with Gabriel's blood. Claire still looked broken, defeated.

Sam said, "He better avoid me, or I'll hurt him again. Next time I won't stop."

Jody rubbed affection into his arm and said, "This is why we should sit down and have a family meeting. We need to suss out what we are going to do next." She gave him a steady stare down until he nodded his consent.

"Just keep him away from me." Sam started to move back into the house.

Jody said, "He's gonna be a part of this meeting." Sam stopped his progress into the house. "Like I said, we need to have a family meeting."

"He's not family," Sam growled out.

"Is Cas family?" Jody moved back to his side.

"Of course he is."

"Then Gabriel is too. You don't have to like him, but he's Cas' brother, and that has to count for something." Sam glared at Jody as she spoke, but it didn't stop her. "He knows more than he's sharing, and if you ever want to know what happened to your brother or Cas then you'll have to learn to play nice. Plus, something tells me that Gabriel is just as upset about not having his brother around as you are.

"I think she's right Sam," Claire offered up. "We don't have to like him. He might know some things though. I think you believe that he knows some things too, or you would have killed him in there. He's got nothing now, no grace, no family, nothing. He'd have let you kill him. You pulled your punches."

"You two don't know what he pulled on Dean and I."

Jody said, "Yeah, but I do know that he died when he fought Lucifer on your behalf. You told me about that, Sam. That has to matter, right?" Sam looked like he wanted to fight this more, but his shoulders sagged down under the weight of the truth.

Jody opened up the screen door again and held it for the two of them to pass back through. Sam said, "Just keep him across the room from me. I can't promise not to beat him again."

Jody reached up as he was about to pass and cupped his cheek. She said, "Fair enough." He smiled back at her, and it was an odd moment of lightness in what had been darkness for them. They slipped back into the house and the screen door slapped shut behind Claire. While they were gone, Alex and Charlie had come back into the room. Gabriel was still a mess, but he had managed to wrap Gadreel in a bright red blanket. It had something embroidered on the bottom in white stitching, "Baby's First Christmas." Alex had been talking with Charlie and Linda in the corner while Gabriel had been working on Gadreel. Now her eyes fell on the bird and the blanket just as Jody took in a sharp breath of air.

Alex swooped over and came between Jody and Gabriel. She said to Gabriel, "Let me get you another blanket." She reached out to take the blanket that was fully wrapped around the bird.

Jody spoke up, "No, Alex. That won't be necessary." Then she turned to the others and said, "We need to have a family meeting about what happened in the woods and how we are going to move forward from here."

Linda moved closer to Jody and said, eyes moving from one face to the next as she spoke, "Kevin matters. I expect us to each do what must be done to find him. Dean is important and so is Castiel, but my son didn't intend to be part of some giant sacrifice here. We need to find him."

"Dean and Cas didn't intend to be some kind of sacrifice either, Mrs. Tran." Sam sounded angry. His voice was kicked up an octave.

Claire interrupted what was sure to become a tense moment that would not create any progress. "Let's all sit down and discuss how this gets fixed then. We can all agree that Dean, Cas, and Kevin are equally important. We can all agree that they all matter. So let's talk about what happened and what we need to do."

Everyone seemed to settle a bit with Claire's pronouncement when Gabriel decided to chime in. "Let' not forget that that little twerp Metatron is still out there too."

"Yeah, let's not forget that." Sam tossed himself into the couch as far from Gabriel as possible. Claire put herself in the space next to him. Gabriel was busying himself with a silver bowl and some items that looked like herbs from Jody's kitchen. He tossed some into the bowl and struck a match. He spoke some quiet words into the bowl that she did not understand, then he blew the smoke over the bird.

He turned to Claire then and asked, "Would you mind donating a few drops of blood to the cause?"

Claire looked from him to Sam and then to Jody. Finally she looked to Charlie who along with her knew a thing or two now about the power of a blood sacrifice willingly made. She looked down at Gadreel's still form though and thought, _why not._ She held out her hand and said, "Sure." Gabriel pricked the end of her finger drawing just a few drops onto the knife. He tapped the droplets into the bowl and then spoke a few more words. He blew the smoke over to Gadreel's form again and this time the bird moved. He seemed to breathe in the smoke.

"There you go. That's a good boy." Gabriel leaned over the bird and fanned more of the smoke over him. Everyone watched the little miracle that was taking place, because nobody really ever thought that Gadreel was going to wake up again. He turned to Claire then and said, "Good as almost new. Well, except for the part where he is still a bird. Guess he still has some penance to work out there." He scooped up Gadreel and handed him to Claire.

She held him on her lap and looked down at his face. His eyes were open as he looked up at her. "How're you feeling?" she asked him.

"Tired." His one word came out like a choked on whisper.

"You just rest then. You've earned it. And don't you go diving in front of any more magic for awhile, 'kay."

"I'll try." He closed his eyes then and seemed to sleep.

Claire smiled down at him and felt a wash of gratitude warm her. She looked to Gabriel and said, "Thank you, Gabriel. Thank you so much." She turned her attention back down to Gadreel, but not before noticing just how happy her words seemed to make Gabriel. He smiled back at her with a grin that spread up to his eyes. The moment gave her hope. After all, if he could fix this, maybe he could fix the rest too.

* * *

They all seemed to be waiting for someone else to speak, someone to lead while they all followed. If someone didn't start things off right, then the conversation would go nowhere, just like the last one, and Gabriel was uninterested in trying that path again. The soreness just below his lip bothered him. He could feel it bone deep, an ache that would likely linger for a day or two depending on his body's ability to heal without the usual grace.

He wondered what his life would be like now. He was not saddened by the change or even bothered really, but there was a measure of uncertainty that made him just a little uncomfortable. He was rather mortal now. There would be an end one day, maybe soon. _What would happen after? Would he just be gone, part of the oblivion?_ He had no one to really ask though. There would maybe be some certainty that could be obtained through talking it all out with Gadreel. That had been motivation enough to save the creature. He would resent it though, just a little.

He pressed his palms together in front of him. It looked like he was praying a little. The irony was not lost on him. Sam was talking to Linda, but he did not focus on what they were saying. The one girl, Alex, came to the couch and sat next to Claire. They sat close in a way that spoke to some greater connection between them. Charlie watched him. He returned the stare until she looked away. Looking at her was odd. It was like he was seeing something a little shaky, like she wasn't all there. He made a mental note to ask about that.

The way that they were all gathered around the table reminded him of a different meeting, of a meeting between he and Cas and Dean. They had come up with the plan. He had laid out the particulars, more so for Dean's benefit as Cas seemed to get it all without much explanation. It wasn't a knock on Dean's intelligence; the boy was quite intelligent, it was just that he was in fact human. One part of the plan that Gabriel had disagreed with was the need for secrecy.

This was now apparently going to bite him in the ass. He let his eyes roam over them all again. Alex was speaking with Claire in hushed tones that only she could hear. Gabriel wondered if the others could sense the bonding that the two had set up between them. He looked back at Sam and tried to follow the thread of his conversation. Jody was involved now. They were discussing the retrieval of Kevin.

He wondered if he could assist in that. It wouldn't be impossible to help there and he wouldn't be violating any agreements that he had made with either his brother or Dean. He let that thought trip around in his head, then he thought that maybe Kevin had passed through the portal with Dean and Cas. _That would make helping problematic._ If he could just tell them. _It's not like they could do anything anyway._ Dean had been adamant though. He had said that Sam would stop at nothing to get him back.

"It wouldn't matter if he did get you back though," Gabriel had argued. Dean would not let him convince him otherwise.

"You don't know my brother. He will do something crazy, maybe stupid to get me back. And what if he doesn't do the same for Cas. He has blinders on when I am in danger. I also don't want him taking risks, making deals. The less he knows, the less damage he can do." Cas didn't agree with him, but he also had blinders on where Dean was concerned. In the end, Gabriel went along with the plan. It bothered him though, and he felt that maybe it was a mistake. A little knowledge was a dangerous thing, and right now they all had a little knowledge. If they knew everything, then they might come to trust his judgement in matters concerning Cas and Dean.

He cleared his throat to get their attention. Sam's gaze whipped to him. "I really can't pinpoint exactly where and when they are, but I can generally tell you what I know. I also think that it is likely that the one you call Kevin got sucked into the portal with them."

The room fell silent and everyone just looked at him, waiting for the details. Sam said, "Well?" His tone equal parts condescending and hopeful.

"They've gone to the Land of Nod." They all just looked at him. "Oh, not the one overseas. The one in the U.S."

"Well, that clarifies nothing." Sam rolled his eyes to make his point. "Get with the explaining."

"Think of the thing that your brother and Cas did as something akin to sewing. The portal pulled back the darkness and the mark like it was thread back into the portal. Your brother and mine were the needles drawing everything back to a place where it couldn't hurt anyone anymore."

"Where, Gabriel?" Sam sounded like he had no more patience for this. His voice was a low gravely thing. He clutched his jean clad thighs.

"Like I said, to the Land of Nod."

"So where is the Land of Nod? The U.S. version of course," Claire asked when she caught Sam's expression going darker.

"It is wherever Cain resides. After his curse, he was doomed to wander in the Land of Nod. Most thought that Nod was a singular place, but it wasn't. It was wherever he was in all of his existence. All of the land that found itself under his foot became known as the Land of Nod."

"So let me get this straight. You sent them to Cain? You sent Dean and Cas to Cain, and you think that they are okay?" Sam got up again and was about to lunge across the table at him, but Donna and Jody subdued him. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Let me explain." Gabriel impressively did not flinch when Sam came at him. He just kept sitting there like he was at a proper tea. "We had to tie everything back there. It was the only way. The river had to end at the source. The source, well one of them anyway, was Cain." Gabriel looked steadily at Sam as he sunk back into his seat. "Cain was good once. I aimed for that era. Dean told me about the story that Cain had told about his wife, Colette. I sent him as close to that time as possible. There's no guarantee that I got them to a specific day or even year, but I was sure that I was close, like maybe at worst a decade off. Regardless, it should be easy enough for them to avoid him and just live their lives, old west style."

"So they got sent back to the wild west, with like cowboys and such?" Freddy questioned as he moved closer to the conversation.

"Yeah, I think so. I have no reason to doubt that it worked. I really did sense that I got them close. The only downside was that they will experience a brief loss of memories. They'll have to figure some things out without the benefit of past experience. They are smart though, and they will be fine." Gabriel added a little nod to show that he had finished with his explanation.

Sam was not satisfied it seemed. "So how do we get them back?"

"We don't," Gabriel's response was delivered matter of factly.

"We do." Sam's reply was equally unwavering. "You said it was like a thread, or like sewing. So what's to stop us from threading the needle back to this side?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and said, "Oh I don't know, maybe an archangel's grace being well and truly drained."

Sam got up again, but this time it did not seem like he was going to attack, so Gabriel stayed still in his seat. "Okay, so you used up your grace to power the time jump. What I'm hearing is that it is possible to open another portal and to pull them back so long as we have grace right?"

"You see any archangels offering up grace around these parts. You got mine, but that's only because I'm stupid, repeatedly and often. Others won't be as generous. Now of course there is more to it. We had plans to open up a portal for the darkness, but Rowena gummed up the works. Cas and Dean were the ingredients needed to close the portal, but I was necessary too. I just don't see a way to do the whole thing in reverse, especially when I can't even tell you for sure where they ended up on Cain's timeline."

"If I can pinpoint where they are though, you could see a way to do this, right?" Sam leveled his gaze on Gabriel.

"Were you really a Stanford kid, because I honestly don't see it. I literally just told you that we have none of the ingredients needed and no exact times or locations. You manage to focus on time as the only issue, in a sea of issues and think that we have this whole thing in the bag. Seriously Sam?" Gabriel got up now too and paced over to his side. "You can hit me if you want to, but you're an idiot."

Sam's lips just curled up into a smile as he said, "I just need to know what's needed, and I think we can find a way to get this done."

"Really? Tell me where you plan to get the grace of an angel in love with a human, the blood of the human object of his or her affection, and the grace of a powerful archangel." Gabriel's tone was filled with derision.

"I'm guessing that we might be able to work around part of this maybe." Sam ran a hand up into his hair. "I have some of the ingredients at the bunker."

Gabriel took a step back. "Explain." He couldn't form a full sentence. He couldn't even imagine how Sam could have anything of use anywhere.

Now it was Sam's turn to look at Gabriel with a wide smirk. "I have the grace of a powerful archangel at least. Well, maybe not an archangel, but close enough I imagine."

Gabriel laughed, "Yeah, like I thought. You ain't got squat, kiddo. What, you managed to scoop up some angel grace on the side? Been saving it for a rainy day. An angel isn't an archangel. The level of power is significantly greater in an archangel."

"Would the scribe of God be equal to an archangel?" Sam was smiling wide while he asked.

Gabriel's look shifted noticeably. "No, no it wouldn't." He watched Sam's smile fall a little. Then he added, "It might just be greater."

Claire moved to Sam's side with a look akin to hope washing over her face. "We can save them. We can bring them back."

"That's what I'm hearing," Sam replied.

"Now I didn't say that, but wow. Your brother certainly never mentioned that you all were sitting on something so powerful."

"Dean likely didn't think much of it. We got it at a time when things were a little chaotic for him. You know he was kinda living the demon life a little last year." Sam looked like he was falling into a place of ease again. The tight edges of muscle around his temples seemed to relax. "So, is this now something that is in the realm of the possible?"

"No, but it is now certainly reasonable to think about it maybe a little." Gabriel reached out to Sam and settled a hand on his arm. Sam looked down at the contact and raised brow at him. "Look, Sam. Your brother made me promise that I wouldn't tell you any of this, not because he didn't trust you. He made me promise, because he was worried that you would make a deal, or do something reckless. If, and that's a big if, we can get the necessary ingredients to save them, and if we can pinpoint where they are, then it must be while making no devilish deals, no unnecessary risks, and no sacrifices made by anyone. Do you understand?"

"Life is all about sacrifices, Gabriel. You know that better than anyone." Sam didn't sound like he would be open to compromise.

"I won't help you if you break your brother's rules. Strangely enough, I think he was right about a lot in this plan. He's not suffering. Cas is fine too. Yeah, the 1800s weren't the greatest, but they weren't the worst either." Gabriel let his hand slip back into his own space.

Linda stepped up to him now and said, "And Kevin. Do you think that we can get him back too?"

"It's possible that he got sucked along right to the same general area that they ended up in. If he finds them, it seems like it might be possible. If he isn't there, then I don't know what to tell you." Gabriel thought about the many things that he knew about spirits, about possession, and about prophets. Kevin had already managed to defy the rules. He had already managed to accomplish things that went beyond what even he could have expected. Possessing Dean was certainly a sign to Gabriel that Kevin was not ordinary, and that it would be worthwhile to lay a few bets down on his possible survival. Dean should not have been capable of possession, yet Kevin slipped right on in. Kevin was something truly special.

"So where do we begin?" Claire asked.

Gabriel thought about it for a beat and said, "I guess we take a road trip. We need some powerful ingredients, and research materials. Near as I can tell, that means we all need to be heading out to Lebanon and to the Men of Letters bunker."

"Sounds good. Let's pack up then and head out." Sam was practically to the stairs before Jody's words stopped him.

"No Sam. Let's leave tomorrow. The girls need sleep, and you do too. We all do. We can leave in the morning, fresh and ready to tackle this. They aren't going anywhere." Jody moved to his side and took his hand. "I mean it. You need to rest."

He looked at each of them. He seemed to decide that she was right as he said, "Fine. Pack and meet down here tomorrow. 6:00am." Sam stalked off up the stairs then, and everyone else scattered off to their own rooms to get ready and to try to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry that this literally took months to update. I am writing too many fics at the moment. Hope you all are still reading this thing. The next chapter will be the last for this part. The sequel is Wayward in the Land of Nod. It is all mapped out, but won't be ready for posting until I wrap up my Lil Chorus for the Dying fic.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this part of the series.

Claire found herself awake before the rest. Alex had come to her room in the night, curled up at her side, and proceeded to hog all of the blankets. Claire took comfort in her proximity, but sleep was elusive. She slipped free of Alex's limbs and moved off to the window. The night had hints of dawn in it. Before they had gone to sleep, Jody had poked her head in to tell them that she had bargained an extra hour of sleep for them all.

She pushed the window open quietly and slipped out onto the roof to watch the stars slowly fade into the new morning sky. She settled into the spot alongside her window and wasn't even startled by the flap of wings that brought Gadreel down to her side. "You're up early," he said.

"Couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind, I guess." She looked at him. Although, still a bird, he looked like he had healed from his somewhat broken appearance before.

He edged up closer to her and nuzzled his head against her knee. "I need to tell you thank you, Claire, and I don't know where to begin."

She reached out to him and lightly trailed her fingers over his back. "You don't need to thank me. You got hurt saving us. I think maybe I should be thanking you."

He looked up at her and said, "It's different. You cared about me and my well-being when no one did, when no one should have. I keep thinking that I can finally throw myself in front of others, do something to redeem myself to the world, then you come along and save me. I don't deserve saving, and I don't know what to do now that it has happened yet again."

"You could maybe live. You could maybe stop looking for new and more creative ways to die." Claire let her hand fall away from him and he hopped forward a bit, turned around, and faced her.

He cocked his head to the side in a move that seemed contemplative. "I'll try."

"You seem to have gotten your wings working again." Claire cast a glance up at the sky.

"Yeah, good thing too, since it looks like I'll be playing the part of annoying crow creature for the foreseeable future." He added a caw to the end and Claire laughed.

"Are you going to follow us to Lebanon?"

"Gabriel told me a bit about the plan among other things, and I'm not sure I'd be of use. I have no desire to be a burden to anyone." He turned his head to the window at the far end of the house. "Looks like all of you are finding this roof appealing." Charlie was making her way down to Claire.

"Hey compadre." Charlie sat next to her and gave a nod to Gadreel. "You too."

Gadreel turned to Claire and said, "I'm going to take to the air for a bit, think about your question. Lebanon could prove interesting at least."

"I hope you'll go with me."

"Like I said, I'll think about it." He launched himself up into the sky then and circled far above them.

Claire turned her attention to Charlie. "What brings you out here?"

"Fresh air and conversation." Charlie drummed at the roof on either side of her legs.

"Are you doing okay? Been worried about you." Claire reached out to touch her arm and saw her stiffen a little. She withdrew her hand and looked off at the far horizon. The sky was growing pink and brighter.

"I'm not going with you to Lebanon." Her voice was small and sounded a little broken. Claire reached for her again and rested her hand on Charlie's arm.

"No, you have to go with us."

"No, I don't. I need to take care of some things for me."

Claire saw something in Charlie's eyes then, that she couldn't quite read, something almost like anger. "Charlie, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. I was just holding it together before, when Rowena brought me here, but then she cast her spell. I feel…" Charlie stopped and slumped forward a little. "I feel broken and angry. I'm doing all I can to contain it, but I won't be successful for long."

"What do you mean? Let us help you." Claire squeezed her arm a little to make her point.

"I can't. You already have a mission, save Cas, save Dean. A third mission would make the burden too heavy. Plus, I can take care of this on my own." Charlie reached out to Claire and rested her hand on Claire's knee. "I just wanted you to know, so you didn't worry, and so you could keep the others from worrying. You care a great deal about broken things." She cast her eyes up at the sky where Gadreel still circled.

"You're not broken Charlie, and if you are, let us help you with the fixing. You matter to us all."

"And yet they left me behind." She paused and let her words sink into silence. "I know it's not fair of me to think it, but I do. Maybe it's the anger that her spell unleashed in me. That's a good word for it unleashed. It was like I was a dog held at bay, and then the spell happened and I lost the little bit of something that was holding me in check. Now I just want to hurt something or be hurt. I'm not going to be able to be around you all and be like this."

"You're not hurting me. You seem to be in control."

"I'm giving all of my focus to the anger, to keeping it locked up tight. If I have to hear Sam say again how important it is that we get Cas and Dean back from the great beyond or wherever they are, my resentment will turn to rage. I won't be able to contain it. If they'd have only looked for me instead of providing the hunter's funeral with a _cie la vie_. You and I wouldn't have been dealing with Rowena opening up Oz at least."

"I'm sure Sam would have looked for you if for even one minute he thought that you were somewhere that he could go. You're important to both Sam and Dean. Dean had even said once that you were like a sister to him."

"Guess brother's get retrieved from heaven, purgatory, hell, and any other dimension, while sisters get bupkis." Charlie's words were practically spit out.

"I suppose that's how it is with them. The world throws darkness at them at every turn, and they can only seem to focus on one big thing at a time and each other. Anything else and they likely would fall apart. I know what you're feeling though. Cas took my father from me, which consequently took my mother too. If that wasn't bad enough, no one, not any of them gave me a second thought."

"They never do."

"I know. So believe me when I say, that despite all of that, I know that they love us. Cas gave me his last words before diving away with Dean. He maintained a connection with me that even now is spanning time and space. I wonder sometimes if when they forget us it is merely because they can't live with the remembering. They feel the failures with us far more than anything, and it kills them a little."

"The worst part right now is that I wish that was true, but I don't believe it. I think that they just don't love us the way that we love them. We're expendable. Well, at least I was." Charlie got up and started to leave. "I'll keep in touch with you, Claire, just you. I don't want to have to explain myself to the others, hear the excuses."

"Where will you go?" Claire started to get up, but Charlie held out a hand, encouraging her to stay put.

"I'm gonna go back to the Styne place and get what they took from me. I'm gonna fix this." She waved her hands in front of herself to signify her whole self.

"You promise to keep in touch?"

"I promise so long as you keep my secret until I'm gone." Charlie moved another step away.

Claire got up then and moved to her side. "I promise. Promise you'll be careful."

Charlie gave her a little salute in response, and Claire returned it. Charlie made her way back to her window. Claire settled back down to watch the rest of the sunrise. Twenty minutes later and she saw Charlie making her way off across the yard with her duffle bag slung over her shoulder. She didn't look back or acknowledge Claire as she went.

There was a small noise at her window. Alex poked her head out, her hair a wild mess around her pillow creased face. "You should not be awake."

"Neither should you," Claire snipped back with a grin.

"You left the blankets pulled back. It got cold." Alex eased out onto the roof and sat next to her. Charlie was still visible in the distance. Alex looked off at her. "Is that Charlie?"

"Yeah, shh," Claire said.

Alex pressed up close to her side. She was cold. Claire looked over at her then took her hand. She threaded their fingers together. "Why?" Claire didn't know if the question was for her hand holding move or for Charlie going.

"Sometimes a person can get to feeling so broken. Sometimes a person just has to do something, anything to not feel like that anymore. Sometimes people make you feel broken." She squeezed Alex's hand. "And sometimes they make you feel whole."

* * *

Gabriel felt broken, fragmented as he sat on the front porch. He had been tired and yet sleep was not something he truly craved or even understood. He had spoken with Gadreel, briefly. He still found him distasteful as a being, but that feeling had been dulled by the end of the conversation. Now he was left with a feeling of modest kinship. Here they were, two angels with nothing of their former selves lingering in their forms.

Gabriel cast about for a hint of his old grace. It had been well and thoroughly used up by the opening of the portal. His eyes fell shut and he thought that what he was experiencing must surely be a dream. There was a bright light spiralling out around him. He felt the air pulling him down, down, down. He heard water, rushing by with gentle slaps to a rocky shore. The light grew brighter and then left in a pop.

The new vision filled his mind. Cas was there, lying on the cold hard ground. Gabriel tried to focus, but his vision shook and became unclear. When he relaxed again, the vision cleared up. He was lying still in a grassy place. There was a stream or something in the distance. He could hear it again. Cas wasn't moving. He tried to look at his back more closely, but that concentrated effort made him lose his focus. In the distance there was a clothesline. On it he saw some dresses and a crisp white blanket.

He noted that the clothes looked like the kinds of things pioneer women wore. Gabriel formed a mental timeline of women's fashion choices. He tried to find items in his memories that were similar to what he was seeing. _Mid-1800s,_ he guessed. He gave himself a mental pat on the back. He had been aiming for somewhere in that vicinity. He turned his focus again to Cas. _Come on buddy, wake up._ He hoped that somehow he was actually getting through to him. Across time and everything, he managed to have a little hope that this was working. _Wake up, wake up._ He noted movement then. Cas was stirring. He tried to cast about his vision, but all he could see was Cas, then the vision faded and shut down like an old picture tube going out in an ancient television set.

Gabriel opened his eyes and looked off at the yard in front of him. "Well, shit," he muttered to no one in particular. "Now we just gotta figure out a little more and we should be able to do this thing." He could hear the early morning stirrings of people milling about in the house.

The screen door to his right opened and Sam emerged. He let it close behind him with a slap. "You're up early." Sam looked like he was going to retreat back into the house.

"You said be ready by six then Jody said seven. Figured I'd better go with somewhere in between." Gabriel had his legs propped up on the porch railing. Sam moved toward his legs like he wanted to pass to the other side. Gabriel obliged by putting his legs down. Sam made his way to one of the wicker chairs that lined the wall and took a seat.

"I'm sorry about punching you." It was a barely there apology. Gabriel heard it though and gave him a fully shocked eyebrow raise. "Don't make me repeat it. I know you heard me."

"Wouldn't dream of it. You feeling less punchy now or something?" Gabriel propped his legs back up onto the railing as Sam hunched over a little, arms propped up on his knees, chin cradled there as well.

"I'm done hitting you. Don't make me change my mind."

"So what spawned this rare bit of goodwill where I'm concerned?" Gabriel waited for a bit too long for an answer, but he was patient.

Sam finally dragged out some words. "I slept on it all, or better yet, I tried to sleep on it all. In the end, I get that you were helping them, helping all of us. You were doing what Dean wanted you to do, Cas too."

"I was. Not sure I should tell you this, but I may have discovered a new skill while I was sitting out here." Gabriel was grinning as he thought about his little vision.

Sam looked a little concerned. "Uh, please don't tell me anything porny."

"Oh, you just pretend it bothers you." Gabriel laughed. "Not like I do that, by the way. I mean I only sent you all that message in a porno that one time, and now it's like Gabe only does porn. Dean was going on about it a few days ago."

"Do you even have a point?" Sam asked with a sigh of exasperation.

"Yes, I'm tied to Cas."

"What?"

"I am tied to Cas. I was able to see him. It came in a short vision, but it was totally him." Gabriel grinned over at him. "Well, tell me you're impressed."

"Explain."

Apparently Sam's communication skills had devolved greatly. "I was able to, with great effort, focus on where my grace went. I was able to follow it like a river to where it ended. It ended with Cas. It looked like my aim was pretty good. There was a clothesline that I could see too. It had some clothing that appeared to be the kind that one would find on women in the mid-1800s. I can't pinpoint an exact day or even year, but he's alive."

"And Dean?" Sam was sitting up straighter now.

"Couldn't see him." Gabriel took in the look of worry that passed over Sam's face. "Doesn't mean he wasn't there though. I had a really limited field of vision. Regardless, if Cas is there and alive, then Dean is going to be fine. My brother is singularly focused where your brother is concerned."

"I'd feel better if you had seen him. Can you try looking again?" Sam leaned toward him a little. Gabriel could smell him. He smelled like the vanilla body wash from the hall bathroom and pine. Gabriel wondered about the pine scent. _Had he been back to the site?_

Gabriel concentrated, even closing his eyes to send out his thoughts on the path of the grace. Nothing happened though. He didn't open his eyes right away. "Hmm, nothing happening now."

"Do you think it was a one time thing?"

"No. I just can't seem to find the thread. Maybe I need to be in the right state of mind or something. I'm a bit more awake now, a bit more present in this moment." Gabriel leveled his gaze on Sam. "Sorry."

"Well, we'll just have to make sure that you have ample opportunity to keep trying." Sam got up. "You ready to get going?"

"Yeah." Gabriel got up too and asked, "Did you go back to the site this morning?"

Sam looked away for a moment and seemed like he wasn't going to answer. "Yeah. I just needed to be there again, just to look at it."

"What were you looking for?"

"I was…" Sam wasn't looking at him. He seemed intent on looking away into the middle distance. "I was saying goodbye. You know, just in case."

Gabriel settled a hand on Sam's arm. "I know I discouraged you before, even said you couldn't get them back, but I was wrong."

Sam finally looked at him. "Maybe, maybe not."

"No maybes about it, Sam. I was wrong. Dean was a little wrong too. We'll bring them back home. Now all we have to do is look through some of the bunker's history books for signs of Dean and Cas in the old west." Sam gave him a look that seemed to say, _Oh so that's all._ Gabriel responded to the look by saying, "Yeah, Sam. We got this. You've pulled off tasks that were way more difficult before. Now you've got an archangel on your team. Two kinda if you count birdbrains up there." He shrugged and added, "I mean I wouldn't count him. He's not much to write home about, but hey what do I know."

That made Sam laugh a bit. "Well, he might not even want to go with us anyway."

"Like he could watch that girl go off without him. He cares for her."

"Claire?" Sam moved past him and stood on the edge of the steps.

"Of course, Claire. We angels tend to form rather unique bonds with our human charges. Claire is something special though. She has that connection with both Castiel and Gadreel. Although, I suspect that Gadreel feels connected to her because she is one of the rare creatures in this universe that has shown any bit of kindness to him. Imagine knowing deep in your core that everyone, absolutely hated you. I mean, not one being felt even one good thing for him."

"Sounds awful, but he was rather awful, so I can kind of understand the sentiment."

Gabriel let out a sigh, "He wasn't always. Before the fall of man, he was good. He just made a mistake that he couldn't escape. He paid for it though. He suffered for an eternity for one misstep. I feel sorry for him for that. Didn't before though."

"What changed your perspective?"

"Seeing him act selflessly for Claire. He's changed. We have to value redemption and atonement. He seems to be trying to redeem himself, and I for one want to let him." Gabriel moved to the yard. "So are we going or what?"

Sam turned to the house and hollered, "Let's load up and head out people."

The noises of movements inside paired with voices. In time it was all a flurry of activity as people picked their cars and loaded up their bags. They planned to take three cars. Linda, Donna, and Jody would take Donna's car. Sam, Charlie, and Gabriel would take the Impala. Claire, Alex, and Freddy would take the pick-up. Before they left Sam wandered over to Claire, Gabriel at his side. "You ready, Sam?"

"Just waiting for Charlie." Sam moved toward the house. "Maybe I should go in and hurry her up a bit."

"She's not coming." Claire watched his back stiffen as he came to an abrupt stop before turning around.

"What do you mean?" Sam came back to her.

"She talked to me about it this morning. She needs to go back to the Styne's to fix herself. She said that it was important." Claire was worried that she was breaching a trust in the moment.

"Why didn't she tell me? We could have gone together on the way back to the bunker."

"I don't know, Sam. Maybe she just felt like you didn't need another burden."

"Did she say that?"

"Not exactly."

"Claire, did she think she was a burden to me?" Sam looked rather pained as he said it.

"Maybe. I mean, she felt like she had to do this on her own."

"She's family. We take care of each other. Shit." Sam was stomping off toward the car. Before he got there he turned back. "You said she's going to the Styne place?"

"Yeah."

Sam turned away from her again. Jody was standing next to Donna's car with the others. Sam said, "Slight change of plans. We need to help Charlie out. It won't be much of a detour." He walked over to Donna and talked to her for a moment, laying out the plans for where they would go.

Gabriel stayed behind at Claire's side. They waited and Sam returned. "So, where to, boss?" Claire asked.

Sam held out his hand. "Let me see your phone, and I'll pull up the map." She handed it over and he typed in some information. He handed it back. "Keep in contact with each other. We'll try not to get separated on the road."

"Okay." Claire headed off for the truck. Alex and Freddy were already inside.

Everyone else loaded up. Sam threw himself down into the driver's seat. Gabriel was already in the passenger's seat waiting. Sam shifted about in the seat before starting the car. The seats squeaked in mild protest. Sam glanced over at Gabriel, "Ready?" It seemed like a bigger question than the word implied.

"Yep." The car roared to life and led the others out onto the street chasing the sunrise. Gabriel reached out for the stereo and turned it on, giving it plenty of volume. The noise of it fit the mood. Sam gave the car some gas and Gabriel felt the weight of his body as it was pulled back into the seat. Sam stared forward with steely eyed resolve, and the world swept by all greens and browns in the sunlight that just begged to be appreciated after so much darkness. The hopeful horizon was a canvas of pinks and blues driving away the night. Gabriel gave his mind and mood over to the song and to the distance and to the world that was flying by them. In the sky above them, he could see the distant swoop of a bird, Gadreel. He smiled and thought, ' _bout time we all get a shot at redemption._

Gabriel closed his eyes then and saw the same flash of light he saw before. The world was bright and there was Cas, standing at the clothesline. He focused on him as they all would focus on this task. He could see the distant meadow, the clothesline, and lastly the lady that stood nearby, shotgun raised and pointed at Cas. Gabriel felt his own brow furrow. The vision snapped away. He opened his eyes, glanced at Sam, and decided not to share the latest vision.

_They need hope. They need it more than they need truth._ He focused on the roar of the engine, the sound of the tires, and the road ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this. This concludes this part of the story. The next part will be called Wayward in the Land of Nod. It will be structured in much the same way as this story was. We will spend some part of the story in the 1800s with Cas, Dean, Cain, and Colette among others. We will also spend more time with Claire and Alex and the others as they try to figure out how to get Kevin, Cas, and Dean back while also throwing help Charlie's way. Basically, the sequel is the book that I started writing last summer, then I realized that it needed a back story. This was the backstory. Gotta admit, it feels weird writing a story with darkness that isn't Amara, and literally no Lucifer, but there it is anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to get more of my random ficlets as I write them, follow me on Tumblr. Also, comments and kudos make writers happy. Thanks for reading.
> 
> [Spearywritesstuff](http://spearywritesstuff.tumblr.com/)


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